


Reprieve

by RoadkillRiot



Category: Metal Gear
Genre: Angst, Anxiety Disorder, Blood and Gore, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Kissing, M/M, Pain, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychic Abilities, Psychic Bond, Slow Burn, Touching, Violence, adding as i go
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-18
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:21:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 53,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28159716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RoadkillRiot/pseuds/RoadkillRiot
Summary: Multi-chapterTwo misfits kids on the run, developing some interesting feelings along the wayUpdates Wednesdays or Fridays weekly- edit: my work schedule is WACK I'll update when I can but hopefully it'll still be weekly >>
Relationships: Liquid Snake & Psycho Mantis, Liquid Snake/Psycho Mantis
Comments: 24
Kudos: 30





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Heyyy, hoping this pairing didn't die in the three- four(?) years I've been gone. I'm not sure though so I'll see if anyone is around before writing more I guess. As always kudos and comments are greatly appreciated and show me people want this to keep going. Feel free to shoot me a message or ask on my tumblr (same username) if you have any ideas or just want to say hello.
> 
> This chapter is kind of a precursor to the actual story to set up everything and get it started so it might not be super great.
> 
> Thanks!

The base was in a tailspin of chaos that allowed Eli time to himself for the first time in a while, adults too preoccupied with securing the giant machine they drug back with them. Nobody quite seemed to suspect him having a hand in the brawl, and honestly he wasn’t sure how he even played a hand. 

Settling on the edge of an outside platform away from most of the fuss Eli pondered his strange interaction out in the badlands. One minute there was chaos between his father, a flaming man, and a giant mech. The next? That was the part he wasn’t clear on. He recalled feeling livid, typical anger directed at his father, uncontent and anxious in the helicopter watching the combat below. Then there had been a sudden, sharp pain in his mind and the manifestation of something otherworldly beside him. Eli was still partially convinced it had been a figment of his mind as none of the adults took notice, but the connection felt all too real for his liking.

The mind connecting to his opened a floodgate, unwittingly his memories and anger seeped into the link and he found himself commanding the robotic weapon through the odd mind twisted into his own. Too caught up in his sudden ability to enact revenge Eli hadn’t paid much mind to how or why he was able to do so, or what had appeared beside him for that matter. 

But now, sitting alone, feet hanging over the edge and feeling the ocean breeze on his skin, he wondered more deeply what or who he had formed a link with. There was an itching in the back of his head, the feeling reminiscent of when one was able to sense a presence near them, yet nobody else was in his immediate vicinity, leaving him wondering if the being who had allowed him to act on his rage was still in his head somehow. He could have sworn he felt a whispering of sorts prodding at his mind, digging for something and bringing up flitters of more recent memories. When he tried to reach back across that link he was met with nothing more than a cold, unyielding wall. 

Gulls cried from where they flew over the dark blue water and the sun began to nestle itself into the horizon, casting golden orange and amber hues across the metal of the platform and Eli’s hair. Nobody had come looking for him, too busy with the new information they’d been presented and he relished this rare moment of freedom from adults. He had just allowed himself to close his eyes and breathe a deep sigh when a memory violently shoved itself into his mind.

\---

The noise of the helicopter was as deafening as ever, but the fever pitch of rage in his mind had been more so. Lost in his own thoughts Eli hadn’t noticed the creature beside him at first, only catching a glimpse in his peripheral when a sharp ice pick headache had his senses on the alert. He never quite turned fully to see what floated beside him, whatever it was far too close to do so. It was a mass of mostly black, with some red that would have pulled his attention were it not for icy and calculating eyes staring through his flesh and into his mind, the color telling even through the orange of what he figured was a gas mask from the familiar hiss of air through a filter and the fact that there were no discernible facial features he could take notice of, eyes aside, in that brief moment.  
\---

When he opened his eyes with a gasp he realized he was no longer alone, if had even been in the first place. A few feet out from his ledge floated what appeared to be a boy, age hard to tell through the oversized straightjacket he was cloaked in. Eli didn’t let his expression waver, jaw set and face calm, not as alarmed as he probably should have been, but then again he had been exposed to many strange things in his life. 

The boy simply floated in place, not saying anything or moving at all aside from undone straps blowing in the ocean’s breeze. Red, unruly hair flowed in loose curls around the gas mask, amber lenses reflecting enough glare to obscure his eyes. The hiss of filtered breathing was almost inaudible over the roar of waves breaking on the legs of the base. 

A question prodded his mind, not necessarily a worded question but it was obvious something was being asked of him that he didn’t quite understand, wary of the thoughts apparently being projected into his head. Not knowing who or what the other being was kept him on the alert, muscles a little tense with the thought of action. But the short and sweet alliance of sorts that the two had formed was enough to keep Eli interested and stationary. 

“I can’t tell what you’re asking.” His response was matter of fact and pointed, a little annoyance slipping through their connection to be met with nothing in return. He felt the same itching feeling and recalled a memory of himself that he hadn’t willingly brought forth. “Me? What about me?” 

The other boy slowly came closer, the only thing separating the two being the guard rails and a foot or so of space. Eli prickled slightly at the proximity, not used to letting anyone get near. Another memory of himself was recalled, they weren’t anything significant, simply brief recollections of him catching glimpses of himself now and then. “My name?”

That seemed to be correct as a positive feeling blipped in his mind and the other straightened up a little, he scoffed, “That depends on who’s asking.” Not content to just give his name to anyone, especially such an odd someone, Eli stood up and began walking back towards the bridge connecting the platform to the main base as though he no longer cared for the conversation. Something told him the other knew partially that he wasn’t actually going to ignore him and forget about the wraith-like apparition but he wasn’t sure what. 

Eli was very aware of the presence floating beside him and only stopped walking when he was given a memory that he distinctly knew was not his own. He recalled what seemed like a hospital room, looking through eyes that weren’t his to see a burly man at the foot of the bed filing through paperwork. He caught a glimpse of a nurse beside him rigging an IV and felt a pang of anxiety course through him faintly. The man spoke a few words in Russian and paused before pointing at him and repeating the phrase “Tretij Rebenok” which there was an outside emphasis on. 

He blinked back into his own reality and turned to look at the boy hovering beside him as though he were tethered to him, “Tretij Rebenok? That’s an interesting name.” The redhead shrugged and poked the same question back at Eli, asking for a name. Though he was a little put off by the hospital and the strange title he continued on, “My name is Eli.” He pointed to himself and stretched his arms nonchalantly, “I don’t really care what you call me. Why are you here though?” 

Eli was met with silence and a head tilt, a questioning feeling buzzing in his mind. He turned now to fully look at ‘Tretij’ and absently scratched at his face, “Not going to answer? I guess that’s fine, so long as you don’t get in my way.” Light was slowly draining from the sky and stars were freckling overhead, he knew he would have to go to his room soon or else the adults would come looking for him. As if on cue there was a voice some distance away yelling his name, he sighed grumpily and began walking back again. He had expected for the other to follow but rather he felt a murmur of alarm rippled through his mind and the other vanished, nowhere to be seen. 

\---

Tretij contemplated his surroundings briefly before settling himself on a spinning chair in the abandoned conference room he had taken up housing in. Idle mind static came from some distance away, reassuring him that this was an abandoned section of the base altogether, the occasional patrol only briefly walking by and even then they didn’t go inside the actual building itself. 

The ocean broke noisily outside and he found the sound rather odd as he had never really been near the ocean before. Honestly, he wasn’t sure where he was at all, having been dragged around for weeks like a dog by multiple people. Having been unpleasant he tried to push most of the past few weeks down and forget about them, they had been full of anger, hurt, and abuse, now landing him in another foreign land with another foreign person who had beckoned him. 

Occupying himself physically with spinning in the chair Tretij branched out his mind a little further to skitter over the psyche of his new “owner” of sorts, they appeared to be sleeping, the noise of the mind a sleepy nothing. He was rather confused in all honesty, not sure how he ended up in his current situation. All his previous companions- if they could be called that- had been adults who’s yearning for revenge was a raging storm that left him in a mental whiplash, unable to say no to their commands. He had once fueled a dying man’s flames and stoked them with amplified anger and bitterness as another man he did not know. Once he and this flaming man had both been leashed by a masked man who was even more calculating and cold, with the same general thought of revenge towards the same unknown man. 

It was that unknown man that they had been hunting down that led him to where he was this night. A violent battle of metal, fire, and old relations lost on his young mind preoccupied him until a new anger that filtered into his psyche on an even deeper level than anyone before ripped him from his old shackles, bringing him to a young blond boy nestled in the safety of an overhead helicopter away from the main skirmish. Overwhelmed with the desperate desire to connect to this boy he laid bait in the offer of piloting Sahelanthropus and enacting his own desires of revenge. 

Whereas before he felt like a puppet under the guidance of Volgin and Skull Face, forced to bend to their wills and act as they demanded of him, this was a giddy and entirely new kind of mental connection. He and this boy seemed to pilot the giant robot in synch creating a devastating and deadly force to compete with, had it not been for the fact they were outnumbered so drastically Tretij was sure he and the boy could have succeeded in killing that man. 

For the first time in a long time Tretij felt a little less alone, he hadn’t been around anyone even remotely close to his age since the destruction of his village, and even then those children had been just as cruel as the adults. He quickly shook the thought of his homeland from his mind, instead focussing on the gentle ebb and flow of the new connection in his mind. Adult minds tended to be much more complex, harder to navigate than his newfound psychic abilities liked. This new mind however- _Eli’s mind_ \- was different. It was still filled with anger, but it was directed in ways easier for Tretij to understand, perhaps due to their similar age. This made it easier for Tretij to connect to him, their mental link already feeling stronger in such a short period of time than those of the others who had enslaved his powers for their own uses. 

Maybe the old Tretij would have been upset at yet another mind bent on someone’s death, but this came off as more of a righteous fury than anything, he didn’t understand Eli as he did not speak his native tongue but he felt as though he understood the way he felt on a much deeper level somehow. Perhaps Eli’s motives were something Tretij agreed with, but until he got to know him better and had more than two meetings with the other boy he couldn’t be sure. That was why he kept the vial of parasites hidden within a rusty file locker behind him despite thinking of gifting them to his new ally.

Of course he was still wary, why wouldn’t he be? He had never met a kind person in his life, aside from the little old church ladies in his village who he often found himself spending time with and even then he figured it was out of pity. His life had been turbulent to put it lightly, he seemed to be followed by death and his superstition and anxiety told him maybe he was cursed, maybe this was the penance he had to pay for the very first death he ever caused. Between being the cause of two major disasters, a lab rat, and the charge of two horrible men, Tretij hadn’t known peace in a long time. 

He stared tiredly out the window at the moon gleaming a beautiful silver above the ocean, feeling the calm of sleep tugging at him. The chair wasn’t a very comfortable place to sleep but he had slept in much worse places. Happy to be hidden from the world and away from the vicious grasp of Volgin and Skull Face he fell into the most restful sleep he could muster in months.

\---

By the time he woke the sun was well past risen, hot and bright in a clear blue sky. His back hurt from his awkward sleeping position and he stretched with many bones cracking in the process. He didn’t have much time to dwell on the ache of abused skin and bones as a presence slammed itself into his mind. Eli must have noticed Tretij again now that he was awake and was eagerly testing the waters of their connection, clumsily slinking his own thoughts down the line to ask a question Tretij could not understand. 

He expanded his mind to feel out his surroundings, finding most people concentrated in the main building, he assumed the large mass of consciousness was the cafeteria, by the sun he guessed it was probably close to noon. Most people being preoccupied he figured his chances of being caught were relatively slim, just as he did in the helicopter he was able to influence a few minds at a time to not actually take notice of him. Patrols were small enough they wouldn’t be an issue.

Not knowing his surroundings well enough and the distance being too far to teleport, he began trying to seek Eli out via mental connection, remaining well off from the main paths and prolonging the process maybe a bit more than needed as he felt the impatience of his other half clearly. It took awhile but he eventually located the building he was in, already honing in on an exact location Eli seemed to provide him the thought of a specific room. 

Most of the doors in this building appeared the same, aside from a plain black letter and number labeling each. Though he didn’t know much English at all he found the correct symbols via Eli’s memory of his room’s door. He stopped to study the door a bit longer but teleported quickly inside when sensing a patrol enter the hallways.

Eli seemed a little startled at his sudden appearance, not quite used to the teleporting yet, but quickly regained his composure from where he sat cross legged on a very plain bed. Tretij peered around curiously at the room, it was very dull yet still bigger than any he had been allowed to stay in during his travels between home and now. “This is my confinement room, normally I have to stay with others but when I get in trouble they shut me in here.” Eli’s words fell on deaf ears as Tretij didn’t understand anything past “I” and “me”. Knowing Eli was referring to himself he turned to stare at him with even more curiosity, tilting his head slightly at the sentence. The emotions of the other didn’t give much away other than he had been bored so he was probably confined to this space most of the day, something Tretij knew all too well. 

It reminded him of his time as a science experiment, stuck in one room for sometimes days at a time, he shivered at the thought and felt bad for Eli. He brought forth his own memory of being trapped in a bleak and stark white room for an extended period, followed by a questioning thought and Eli seemed to catch on to his meaning, “Yeah, they’ve got me shut in here while they look at that mech, they don’t want me messing with it.” Eli’s memories of Sahelanthropus only served to further confuse him.

“How did you- we? How did we make that thing work by the way, it was pretty impressive and I don’t say that lightly.” When Tretij only stared at him blankly he felt agitation in their link at the lack of response. “What, do you just not talk at all?” Eli stood up quickly and it startled him enough to float back a little further, not really enjoying the feeling of irritation. 

He tried his best to convey he didn’t speak English by pushing words into Eli’s mind. They weren’t necessarily spoken words so much as if Eli had read them from a picture of the words, a simple statement of “English no”. The blond caught on quickly, though Tretij noticed he was a little surprised by the words in his head.

“Well that’s great, that won't make this difficult at all. I won’t be able to get much use from you if you can’t even understand me.” Eli hummed in mild irritation and continued talking despite the fact that Tretij was lost on the conversation. “I wonder what you do speak then, as if you weren’t odd enough to begin with. I need to be able to communicate with you.” He paced back and forth in the small room while he thought, Tretij unable to decipher much other than a feeling of confusion and analisis. 

_“Eli-”_ The words in his head stopped his pacing and he looked back at the strange floating child questioningly, _“English?”_ Eli shrugged at that, “Yeah, English and little bit of some other languages they’re making me learn. What of it?” For once Eli was glad for the language lessons he was made to go through along with the other useless stuff they taught him. He wasn’t even sure what they were trying to prepare him for but apparently that included various bits of other languages, probably due to how often base operations had to be moved.

Tretij pondered for a moment before connecting that Eli might want to know what he spoke, excited at the prospect of someone else finally speaking his tongue, _“Tretij, Czech. Víš?”_

Eli perked up momentarily before feeling frustrated again, “You speak Czech? That’s such a niche language, there’s no way they’ll have translation books for that in my classroom. I’d have to try to steal data from one of the file rooms.” He heaved a sigh and Tretij sent an apologetic feeling over their link when he realized Eli didn’t know his language, feeling a bit dejected himself. “Do you know any others? Français? Español? Deutsche? Pусский? Eu-” Eli was cut off by a flow of positive emotion and Tretij shaking his head excitedly. His Russian wasn’t great but he knew more of it than English due to his time there.

“What? Russian?” The excited response had him holding up his hands, “Okay okay, I don’t know it but I can work with that. They have language books for that, I’ll see if I can snag one tomorrow.” Tretij didn’t really understand what he was getting at but he could piece together that Eli didn’t quite know it but might be able to communicate somehow. His excitement was cut short by the sensation of someone making their way to the room, in his panic he let some of his emotion slip over the line and felt Eli prickle in mild panic as well. “How did yo- That doesn’t matter, get out of here don’t let them see you-” 

In his panic at opening their connection up a bit too much and letting Eli feel into his own emotions had Tretij too flustered to act in time. Unable to gather himself to teleport away he resorted to reaching into the man’s mind and turning his presence in Eli’s room away from him, essentially invisible. 

Eli seemed startled at first as the door opened and his odd companion didn’t disappear, he went to act- not really sure what he was going to do but he was certainly going to do something- until he realized the man bringing him his food somehow didn’t notice the floating boy draped in horror movie apparel as he looked straight through him and at Eli, “Food. They said you’re stuck here for the rest of the day. We’ll bring you dinner and be back for lessons in the morning.”

With that the door was shut and locked, leaving the two alone again. Eli looked at Tretij, openly letting his confusion and curiosity cross the line, “How?” His question was fulfilled with a memory of their brief encounter in the helicopter and how he managed to stay hidden in the helicopter the whole way back to base. Eli seemed impressed, the positive feeling leaving Tretij yearning for more. It wasn’t often he genuinely impressed someone, the only times he recalled being when he used his powers to execute the plans of others properly.

Before Eli could ask anymore questions of him he felt the pang of hunger sharp in his gut, Eli obviously noticing the feeling now that their connection was a little deeper. “You want some? If I had to guess you haven’t eaten in awhile, its hard to tell through that dumb straight jacket but you look pretty thin. It isn’t really anything great though, typical cafeteria bullshit.” Eli sighed in frustration, more at himself than anything, when he was met with no response, remembering he wasn’t understood. Instead, he picked the tray up from the table it had been set on and held it up to Tretij, who shook his head no.

“What do you mean no? I don’t know how this whole brain thing works but I can feel that you’re hungry.” Tretij shook his head no again, there was no way he was going to take his mask off here simply because he was hungry. He hadn’t taken it off publicly since the airplane incident and wasn’t going to again. In all his time traveling he either went without eating or took his spoils off somewhere private where he could slip his mask up just enough to eat quickly and be over with the ordeal. The memory of being overwhelmed by the background noise of far too many minds was enough to make him feel anxious, something Eli felt too.

“What are you being so weird about? Take it.” He shoved the tray at him, a motion that said to _take it_ as a command and not a question, though it was unintentional on Eli’s part as he had no idea the effects he could have on the other boy. 

Tretij quickly grabbed the tray, a little fearful from being snapped at, he looked at Eli briefly before vanishing with the tray, reappearing just outside the walls of the building in order to find somewhere peaceful and away from people to eat. He didn’t miss the little trickle of guilt Eli felt under his typical river of composure and pridefulness at having felt Tretij startle. 

\---  
The rest of the night had gone much the same as the previous, Tretij still sleeping off all that his body and mind had endured and trying to let his body heal. He was acutely aware now without the influence of rage to cloud his mind just how damaged he was. His burns never quite got the chance to heal properly, most scarring awkwardly in ways that made stretching the wrong way difficult and painful while others hadn’t even had the chance to scar and had repeatedly come open time and time again. Not to mention lack of sleep, food, and water left his body malnourished and slow to heal even minor wounds, the bags under his eyes proof of how tired his body and mind were.

As nice as it was to be free of overwhelming adult presence, he almost wished Eli’s mental connection was just as smothering so he couldn’t focus on his own pain. He was careful to keep his mind sealed off, keeping up icy barriers and emotions under lock and key, afraid of how vulnerable they could make him. And yet he could feel that Eli’s mind and his were slowly intertwining further, the connection stronger and deeper than his previous ones, he couldn’t do much to stop some things from slipping through. He could feel a form of questioning coming from Eli’s end as he no doubt could feel at least an ounce of discomfort from Tretij’s mind. 

He remained silent, not willing to show any weakness, especially to someone he didn’t know if he could trust yet. Even more so, he didn’t want anyone to know about his scars. They were brutally ugly and harsh reminders of his past, part of him deep down from long ago said it wasn’t his fault. His mind warped by the hardships he’d gone through and the cruel words from Skull Face and Volgin told him otherwise, he shouldn’t have walked away from either of the incidents and his body would forever be marred to prove it. Luckily his mask and straightjacket covered most of the scarring, his legs having been relatively safe from burns and more so suffering extreme forms of bruising. 

He held his hands up to the lenses of his mask, letting the sleeves fall down his slim wrists and stared with a deep sadness at his mangled fingers. His scars would always be a part of him, something he could never let anyone see, they brought him a deep shame and even deeper guilt. The brief time in which people saw his wounds before his mask had proved to him better than any mirror ever could that he was beyond ugly, a monstrous appearance for his monstrous actions. Ignoring the prodding from Eli’s side he stretched off the last pieces of sleep and went to find said boy, who seemed even more eager to see him.

\---

Eli dug a book and a notebook out from under his covers and held them up triumphantly, Tretij tilting his head as he often did when he didn’t understand something. Eli had seemed excited all morning, Tretij being able to sense his stronger feelings even in his state of sleep. It was nearly afternoon before Eli had returned to his room, but Tretij had just woken up anyhow.

“This is going to help us communicate. Those idiots have no idea I stole this right from under their noses. They always underestimate me.” Tretij could feel a bubbling of anger from the blond, who he took time to note had a peculiarly posh sounding accent for his looks, finding it amusing but not sharing so. 

Eli quickly flipped to a bookmarked part of his book, which was quite large from including both Russian and English, “Привет? Hi?” He looked up to where Tretij floated slighting above him and across the room with an expectant look.

It took him a moment to understand what he was saying as Eli’s pronunciation was a bit mangled and his accent didn’t help much but he understood it after a few seconds, projecting his response into his mind. _“Привет, Эли. Eli.”_ Eli’s mind betrayed his typical composure as he felt the other boy’s pleasure at having succeeded. 

“Uhh- Задавать вопросы?” It took him a moment to state anything he wanted to say, having to flip through various phrases and words, taking notes as he went and reviewing some he already did. Tretij thought it almost amusing that his Russian was so broken, but honestly his wasn’t amazing either, not able to express more complex ideas.

He shook his head yes rather than answering, curious as to what he might want to know but also a little wary, not willing to give up too much information. “Вы оставили?”

Tretij wondered why he was asking about leaving for a moment before realizing he was asking about last night, _“I no кушать Вот.”_ He did his best to use English words he did know to aid Eli in understanding, though it was clunky and a bit difficult. After he did catch the meaning he just gave a questioning glance, trusting Tretij would understand he wanted to know why rather than having to speak it. 

_“No. Без маски. On.”_ He motioned to his mask then shook his head. When Eli prompted him with another why he just shook his head, not wanting to tell him about any of his weaknesses, he could be overpowered easily without his mask. 

“Okay, whatever, I won’t make you.” He stopped for a second, flipping pages while his ghostly ally floated patiently, “Ты помогаешь? Me?”

 _“Yes.”_ Regardless of whatever it was Eli wanted help with he would do so, or to some degree anyways. What else was he to do? He had nowhere else to go, nobody else to follow. Even if he wanted to go to his homeland he had no idea how to get back, the idea making him nauseous anyways. 

Eli seemed a bit shocked at the sudden agreement, “No questions? You don’t even know what I want.” He studied Tretij, he didn’t seem to be joking, and he liked the straightforward agreement. It was hard enough to get his boys to fall in line, such a powerful ally immediately understanding his role as leader and listening to him making him a bit sloppy with his mind, letting his feeling of control move through Tretij who in turn made a disgruntled noise and moved away a bit. He supposed he didn’t have much choice but he didn’t like the idea of simply being a puppet again, saddened by the idea of being useful for his powers and nothing else, Eli didn’t seem to notice.

\---

Time went on, Eli getting better at short phrases and forming a strange and sloppy mixed language of Russian and English with Tretij. Tretij in turn picking up a bit more English, he was a faster learner than Eli in that sense, aided both by the boy and the fact that he could tune into others’ minds and steal various reading materials around the base. Tretij didn’t much like English, finding it vastly different than his own tongue and Russian, but he supposed it was relatively close to the basics of German and that made it easier for him to dissect and learn. He figured if he was going to be around Eli, and others who primarily spoke English, he should learn to speak- well think- English. Part of him was only doing it for the approval of the blond, enjoying the fleeting positive feelings that came with his speaking Eli’s tongue to him. 

With better communication however, came a deeper mental bond, Eli was starting to understand how their link worked and began using it to his advantage, understanding Tretij’s prompts of imagery, memories, and feelings much better now and feeling less frustrated. Tretij was a little less certain though, this deeper bond left him feeling unsafe and vulnerable, he was unable to keep all of his feelings from Eli and sometimes left blips of memories slip into their headspace, his walls became slightly permeable and it worried him. Part of him deeply wanted to feel allied with Eli, and he knew letting his mental barricades lower their defenses allowed Eli better access to holding him under his thumb as others had done to him. It was easier to connect to Eli, made him long to be something akin to friendly with the boy, they were close in age after all and he had shown him no hostility. 

Though every time he thought of it he only made himself sad, realizing this was probably another power trip, him just being the conduit for Eli’s ideas. This idea was only enforced when Eli began plotting, he was planning some kind of escape with the other boys he often talked about. Tretij didn’t like that this idea involved Sahelanthropus, he could feel the trickle of anger under Eli’s other emotions, could feel the same rage that had pulled him to the helicopter.

Eli snapped him back to reality, waving a hand in front of his mask, “Hey! Are you even listening, this is important.” Tretij had picked up on an ounce of nervousness in his mind, his plan was coming to fruition and it left him restless. He had noticed he wasn’t sleeping all that well and had been a bit grouchier than normal.

“They’re going after the last of the boys I sent out. I’m going to be interrogated- спросил- about it tomorrow. When they take me to the room I need you to go get the mech, be prepared for a fight, I’ll take care of the rest.” 

\---

[time skip]  
Things were going up in flames and had descended into chaos. Everything had failed, nothing going as planned, Eli devastated and beaten. Mantis watched in some form of horror as he held a gun to his head.

Their escape had gone well, though a bit sloppy from what Tretij could get from Eli’s conversations with the others in their little ragtag group. They had made it for a good while, but it was all too apparent that Eli’s fixation on killing his father was a weakness, it troubled his every thought and made his plans less uniform than normal, that included releasing the parasite that Tretij now regretted having given Eli. Maybe he gave it up too quickly, but Eli’s plans moved so fast he didn’t want it to sit in that old room for just anyone to find one day. It was his fault, his fault that people were going to die, again. The only person in the world he had even begun to feel close to now infected with the very ‘gift’ he had given him. A deep panic settled in as he realized that without Eli he was nothing, he had nobody and no purpose, even if he didn’t quite agree with Eli’s motives. 

For the first time he felt fear in Eli, it was startling and strong, it was ringing in the back of his mind like alarms going off making him panic too. He had to do something, anything, Eli would probably hate him if he lived but it was still better than him dying. 

Having never tried to control anything more sentient than the lab animals months ago and a brainless robot which now lay in burning ruins, Tretij planted the roots of his mind firmly in his ally’s where they normally flowed through. He felt a pang of alarm from Eli before making it known if was him moving his finger off the trigger and dropping the gun into the bloody dirt at his feet. Eli’s eyes were all that moved to watch the redhead float over to him and study his throat. He recalled his time with Skull Face, the awful things he learned about these parasites, and placed a hand on Eli's throat, feeling him swallow hard. He probed deeper, allowing his mind to feel through his body and snagging on every little area that could have been what he was looking for. 

Upon finding the disgusting creatures writhing within his vocal cords Tretij used his powers with the most caution he ever had in his entire life. It was such a stark contrast to the massive displays of powerful destruction within his village and in the airplane that he almost startled himself, regaining his focus when Eli cringed in pain. 

Once the parasites were removed Tretij withdrew his mental hold on Eli who immediately grasped at his throat as he hacked and coughed, blood running down his chin. He looked up at Tretij who extended a hand, pointing to the impending destruction of their island with the other.

\---

Now sitting on the porch of some rundown shack that must have been a sparsely used camping site, Tretij waited for Eli to wake up, tugging at his sleeve nervously and awaiting the scorn he deserved for his failures. He wasn’t sure where they were, all he knew is that he and Eli traveled in silence for hours until it got to be too much for their injuries. Eli had purposefully tried to keep steel walls around his mind the whole trip, not wanting Tretij anywhere near him mentally or physically. He had hung back a good ways, like a shadow too far stretched behind its owner, floating ominously and keeping lookout for any other presence nearby. If it weren’t for him trying to stay out of Eli’s mind he would have still been able to get in, even then he could feel cold anger seeping through and nothing else. 

Having found this house- if it could be called that, Eli had kicked the door in and shut himself in another room to eventually succumb to exhaustion. Tretij was much too nervous to sleep, staring out where the tree line of the small forest they were nestled in ended. He had no idea where they were, what time it was, what day it was, he felt more alone than ever. Something in him squirmed in protest, it shouldn’t be his fault, Eli had made the choice to spread the parasite and it was his own fault he got infected. His past clawed its way into his mind though and reminded him of all the times he was physically berated for not meeting standards, his fault or not. 

His train of thought was cut off by Eli finally waking up, in his sleepy state his walls weren’t as strong and Tretij frettingly took note of the aches and pains Eli could feel now that adrenaline had worn off and injuries had time to settle in. Tretij floated into the building, minding the wooden beam threatening to fall in the archway where the door once was. His anxieties temporarily quashed by concern as he watched Eli scrub at dry blood on his arm only to reopen the wound as he walked out of the room he had shut himself in. 

He looked up with a glare when he felt the other’s question in his mind, “I’m fine.” But Tretij followed at his heels as he gathered what he could to mend his wounds. He felt the irritation like barbed wire in their mental link. “Get out of my head!” Eli threw an empty glass bottle he’d found, watching it shatter on the unoffending wall. Tretij flinched hard, blinking a safe distance away and curling in on himself reflexively. If Eli noticed he didn’t mention it, rather stomping outside to sit where Tretij previously had and forgoing his search entirely. 

Warily, Tretij came to the doorway, watching as Eli pulled a pocket knife from his tattered shorts and began angrily stabbing at the dry and rotting wood under him. Wanting to help he went back into the house and scavenged a few old clothes and some bottled water left in the less than clean kitchen, returning to the other boy’s side with a little pride at what he got. Eli chose to ignore him, instead hucking a piece of wood he’d chipped off as far as he could into the trees. 

Tretij gently let his feet touch wood and then tucked himself in a foot or so from Eli, placing the supplies between them. When Eli still ignored him, he gently pushed them into his side, reminiscent of when he’d shoved his food tray at him- something that became a kind of habit before they left. It made him very aware of how hungry he was.

Eli slammed down the knife in response, frustrated, mulling words over before deciding not to say them. Tretij instead spoke up over their link, _“Hurt?”_ he pointed at Eli’s bloodied arm and then at the pile of stuff he’d grabbed.  
“I told you I’m fine!” Eli snapped only to sigh and look the other way when Tretij flinched. As if the sky itself shared the young boy’s anger lightning cracked in a darkening sky, followed by rolling thunder than had Tretij spooked. Eli looked at him incredulously, amazed that he’d be scared by thunder and rolled his eyes, “You really are just a little kid.”

Embarrassed by both the remark and jumping at the storm Tretij avoided looking at Eli and huffed. The sky only grew darker with heavy clouds promising a heavier rain was on the way and Eli taking notice of this gathered what Tretij had put down and made his way back in the house, pride not overcoming his common sense. Rain began to fall in fat drops, making small ticking sounds as it bounced off the leaves and insects began to chitter in the distance. He didn’t like how ominous it all was and found himself inside and tagging on Eli’s heels again, much to the other’s displeasure and annoyance.

“It’s just a storm. Quit being a baby.” Tretij only tilted his head, supplying _“детка?”_. Eli made and exasperated sound, getting fed up with the overwhelming feelings of anxiety and confusion from the psychic, “It means you’re being stupid! Okay? You’re being a baby, immature, childish-”

He growled when Tretij caught on and shook his head no with offense, “Yes you are!” Eli tied off the knot where he had wrapped some cloth around his arm with emphasis on his words, clearly letting his built up frustration cross their line. His anger and impatience was beginning to be too much for Tretij, it had been building and festering ever since their failure and it leaked into his own emotions, making him increasingly agitated at being snapped at, thin ice was cracking. 

It wasn’t hard to see the imagery of their failure playing in Eli’s mind, thunder rumbling overhead and rain beginning to pour down harder, leaking through old cracks. He could tell Eli was blaming him at least partially for their failure and yet he still wanted to help, to make up for it, even if he felt spiteful and angry. Eli wasn’t having any of it, slapping at Tretij when he dared to come near again, “Stop it! You’re not doing me any good- you got us into this mess!” 

Tretij seemed a bit taken back at the words, not understanding all of it but getting the implication clearly enough. He pushed images of him helping Eli prepare into his head, emphasizing he meant well. 

“Yeah well look where that got us, I don’t need your help.” Eli threw himself onto an old dusty couch- the only piece of furniture in the main room of the house aside from a table and three wooden chairs- in an attempt to get away from his living shadow. 

The psychic floated over to him yet again, giving him the memory of extracting the parasite from Eli to show he did need his help, at least a little. Right?

“I wouldn’t have even got it in the first place if it weren’t for _you! _” With that Eli had stood back up, inches away from Tretij and jammed a finger roughly into his chest, “I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you, wouldn’t have caught the parasite if it weren’t for you, why are you still here? Why are you still following me around?” Not comprehending everything he was saying Tretij followed Eli when he tried to stomp off to the other side of the room despite feeling hurt at the fact that Eli didn’t care about his help with the parasite in the slightest. Anger lashed harshly into his mind, giving him an awful headache in his temples as Eli whirled around to face him, throwing a punch the would have hit had Tretij not teleported backwards a foot or so. Eli stalked up to him, caging him up against a wall and glaring at him, “I don’t need you! Go away! Уходи! Покинуть! Go!”__

__Tretij teleported out of the house before Eli could attempt to hit him again, his chest feeling flighty and stomach feeling sick. He wasn’t wanted- no, he was never wanted, now he wasn’t needed. He had failed Eli, failed to please him just like everyone else, had failed to be anything of use. Rain fell around him and lightning crackled in the distance, illuminating the forest in a way that made the trees look rather intimidating, looming above his small figure. He could still feel Eli’s anger, could feel his own guilt, their combined shame at their loss. It was too much, the pressure in his head building and clawing at his skull. Not knowing what else to do and fearing another outburst, Tretij fled deeper into the forest, burdened by the way the rain fell sharply with the speed at which he went when flying. His hair was quickly soaked, plastered to his lenses and making it even harder to see, it rolled off his straightjacket and ran down his legs in chilly streams. Not as cold as the snow back home but still cold, Tretij shivered as he let his feet touch the muddy Earth, walking in no particular direction._ _

__The bird calls and thunder were frightening, making him nervous, his mind too agitated in this state to pick up the presence of possibly dangerous animals or people. Every sound he could hear through the pounding of the rain spooked him, sending his heart pounding. The rain, mud, and overgrown plants at his feet made it hard to tell where he was going._ _

__Choosing to walk off the small muddy path he’d been following in hopes that the canopy would be thick enough to shield him from some of the rain Tretij failed to notice the silver of steel illuminated by a flash of lightning nestled deep into the wild vegetation. Suddenly he was overcome with a terrible pain in his left ankle, crying out and falling to his knees. His vision blurred white for a moment and his headache spiked when he unintentionally caught Eli’s attention with his outburst of pain, white hot under his skin._ _

__He looked back to find his foot ensnared in a metal toothed trap, having snapped closed around his ankle and digging its fangs into his already bruised and delicate skin. He felt the points digging into pitiful muscle and threatening to gnaw their way deeper. Though it took most of his already unsteady focus he was able to pry it back open with his mind, casting it aside and pulling his leg closer so he could examine his wounds. The holes were both long and deep, metal teeth having gouged into his flesh and tearing when he collapsed, his unsteady removal had jostled it enough to make the wounds deeper and blood ran freely. The sight and pain made him nauseous, his stomach heaving, head spinning. He would’ve thrown up had he eaten anything recently and instead retched dryly, tears pricking at his eyes from the force and the way the pain made his mind go fuzzy._ _

__Useless, spent, and wounded, all he could do was drag himself up against the base of the nearest tree, trying to tuck himself into the roots to avoid as much of the weather as possible. He curled his knees to his chest, wrapping his arms around his legs as if it would give him any sense of warmth or comfort. The pain was akin to an injury he sustained in the plane crash, having been gouged with a stray piece of metal from the ripped hull. His outburst with the plane had caused him to pass out, not giving him much time to feel pain before being found and taken to his destination where he was sedated for days. He was not so lucky this time, the pain enough to keep him just on the edge of unconsciousness, knowing that nobody was coming for him this time. He watched through blurry eyes as blood pooled under his foot, mixed with mud and rain, the fact that he was so utterly alone with nowhere to go only making it worse. The pain in his ankle mixed with the pain in his chest and tears fell unwilling from his eyes, no way to escape his mask. Tretij knew he looked pitiful, maybe the universe was finally feeling merciful and he could just die out here, thankfully nobody around to see his shame._ _

__Somewhere in the back of his head he felt a panicked prodding that he knew wasn’t his own before the pain finally pulled him under._ _


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys start warming up to each other

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all, thank you for the support last chapter, I'm glad to see there's still a few of us kicking around here. I'm going to try to update this weekly (Wednesdays or Fridays) but there may be delays here and there what with work, mental health, etc. I put this at the end of last chapter but I'll put it here instead since it was an edit:
> 
> This is somewhat like an AU in the sense that it's a bit canon divergent, the characters may be ooc since I'm writing them as I want to (based heavily on the personality you see in Phantom Pain), and their ages are different in this story for the sake of the plot. Tretij is 15 and Eli is 16.
> 
> I changed their ages as I feel like its more appropriate for what they're dealing with and going through, but you're free to imagine it as you want. I have the next few chapters' ideas written out and pretty much the whole plot planned so here's hoping for regular updates. As always kudos and comments are greatly appreciated and make my day! Feel free to reach out to me on my Tumblr for this fic (roadkill-riot). Sorry if this chapter comes off as a bit rushed, holidays and all that. Thanks!
> 
> (( Here's the song from this chapter if you'd like to listen along when you reach that point: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ID_oXSbYUU&ab_channel=BonjourLaFrance ))

By the time Tretij woke, pale sunlight was flitting in through dusty windows and shining at the perfect angle to be directly in his eyes. Groggily coming to, he realized he was back in the rickety house, laid out on the old couch with something draped over him.

He didn't have much time to assess the dull ache in his ankle when Eli piped up from a chair in the corner of the room, diagonal from the couch and only a few feet away. "I almost didn't see you, you know." He was busied with whittling a piece of wood, not bothering to look up at him. Memories of Eli eventually stumbling upon his tiny body, hard to see in the dark of the night due to his black apparel and rain-soaked hair, came to mind. He didn’t miss the subtle flow of worried emotion.

"I don't think I would've if it weren't for your foot giving me a bloody awful headache." 

Tretij sheepishly sat up, sending apologies to Eli over their link, not sure what else to say in the situation. Their previous encounter hadn't exactly ended well and he wasn't sure what had compelled Eli to come looking for him when he obviously wasn't wanted unless there was a catch. He poked his foot out from under the covering to examine it, noticing with a little surprise that it had been cleaned and wrapped, though blots of red had stained the off-white wrapping already.

"Don't think much of it." Eli set the wood down and folded the knife, tucking it back into the pocket of his shorts to lean the chair back onto two of the legs, tucking arms behind his head and closing his eyes. Tretij didn't know if he meant his rescue or his wound mending, maybe both. He flushed to think Eli would have gone out in the pouring rain to find him and carried him the whole way back to take care of him. His mind didn't give much away on the surface and when Tretij dug a little deeper he earned a grunt from Eli that had him pulling away. 

Settling for nodding in thanks, trusting Eli got his message, he settled himself back into a comfortable position, glad for the warmth that clung to him from sleep and that his hair had become mostly dry. His foot still hurt, but it wasn't as bad now that it had been taken care of, which he was very appreciative of. All his previous wounds had always been taken care of for him, he wouldn't have known what to do had he been left to mend himself. 

Shifting under his covering he realized with a bit of shock that it was Eli's jacket, not a sheet or blanket scavenged from the house like he'd previously thought. He could feel slight embarrassment from Eli when he questioned if he wanted it back, feeling guilty to be using something of his and more than a bit flustered at such a kind gesture, one to add to the list.

"I don't need it right now, quit bugging me and just rest." There wasn't any malice in his voice but Tretij still felt wary having not left on a good foot with the blond. But not wanting to push his luck and appreciating the kindness he did as he was told, focusing on trying to relax and rest. It didn't come easily at all, the weight of too many bad memories in the past few months weighing heavily on his mind, giving him nothing nice to focus on. Back at the base he had been so tired from his travels and mental whiplash that sleep came whether he liked it or not, but that was then and this was now.

His only good memories were short lived and so distant they were a bit fuzzy, worn down from being clung to for so long and warped from their original state to cater more to dreams and desires Tretij had like a childhood blanket. The past few years had been hard but the past few months had been even harder. No matter how many bad memories he flipped away there were more to take place front and center.

His father, endless hunger, his village, fire and the scent of death, being taken by unknown men, the airplane, the Moscow lab and the countless experiments, numerous needles, infinite sedation, Volgin, Snake, Skull Face, hunting, anger, loses, shame, Eli, guilt-

"Would you stop that!" Eli's voice cut through the haze of anxiety Tretij had accidentally thrown himself into, parts of memories in turn showing themselves to Eli who couldn't make heads or tales of any of them really, too short and chaotic to make any sense without any background knowledge. "You could at least _try_ to think of something good, you're getting yourself all worked up. It makes my head hurt."

 _"No good."_ Was the only response Tretij apologetically answered, shaking his head and anxiously messing with his too-long sleeves. 

That seemed to finally catch Eli's attention, though Tretij didn't sense the pity he had expected to, instead feeling something like understanding and a slight twinge of anger that wasn’t directed at him, "You're telling me you have no good memories? That's.. Sorry, that's rough. Seems like you had to deal with some hard shit in your past, I know how that can be."

Tretij didn't understand all of what Eli said but got enough to know Eli's apology was less of that and more so a courtesy, "My childhood wasn't great either," he found it somewhat amusing that Eli spoke as if he was an adult despite his age and supposed hatred of them, "but there were some good memories here and there."

He recalled his memories to the best of his ability to help Tretij understand as he spoke, "This one time I got in trouble for letting a bunch of bullfrogs loose in the base."

A memory of a very young Eli, hair even lighter and eyes brighter, covered in dirt and muck, clothes unkempt, came to mind. He was jostling a rather large frog in his arms as he ran back to the front of a building where an unknown adult sat at the door, reading a book. Eli pushed the book down with the frog, shoving the poor thing into the woman's face, "Lookit this toad!" It croaked in response.

The woman smiled warmly, "That's an American Bullfrog, silly. Good job catching him, but why don't you go put him back with his friends?" She ruffled his hair affectionately, Eli shaking her off and running back to the reeds and cattails he'd pulled his prize from with a loud, "Okay!" over his shoulder.

The mention of bullfrog friends had Eli searching for more frogs all day, tromping through swampy terrain, disturbing local wildlife, and a stolen bucket nearby. By the time he was called inside he was heaving a rather heavy bucket, the lid not quite snapped on the whole way.

The woman who was holding the door open began to yell at Eli in an attempt to ask him what in the world he had and was trying to bring in but it was far too late. Even though he had been bear-hugging the bucket (it was large enough there was no other way for someone of his size to hold it), he tripped on the doorway as he tried to run past the woman.

Chaos exploded into the hallways as the bucket hit the floor, lid flying off, a good ten or so bullfrogs spilling out into the hallways and frantically hoping further down it to get away.

"They spent hours trying to catch all of them, I was in so much trouble I wasn't allowed to go outside for a whole week." Even now, there was offense in his voice, as if the very notion of grounding him was ridiculous despite unleashing the chaos of a dozen massive frogs. 

He'd been so caught up in his memory and telling the story that he'd failed to notice the warmth of Tretij's amusement until he caught sight of the other laughing soundlessly, only noticeable by the movement of his shoulders.

A pink flush tinged Eli's cheeks and his stare lingered a moment longer than necessary, "It's not _that_ funny." He mumbled with a huff, folding his arms and looking away.

Not wanting to ruin Eli's good mood, a rare thing to come by since he always seemed so grumpy, Tretij pushed a memory into Eli's mind in return.

In a dingy looking house, lit by nothing but old candles weeping away the last of their wax, a young redhead stood in a very bare kitchen. He opened a drawer which creaked loudly in protest, grabbing a new candle from a small pile. Upon disturbing said pile a large spider scurried out, defensive of it's disrupted home. Tretij nearly jumped out of his skin, slamming the drawer back shut and whipping the candlestick in the process. Looking over his shoulder with eyes blown wide in bewilderment at the realization he had no idea where it went.

Eli's very audible laughter cut through his memory, "You're scared of spiders?"

Tretij scowled at him through his mask, moving his hands apart in a gesture of size, _"Big!"_

"It didn't even look that big!" Eli seemed to be increasingly both amused and annoyed by how jumpy and anxious Tretij was of things he didn’t find scary in the slightest, something that was confusing to him. Although Tretij was rather glad that Eli didn’t harass him or make fun of him over it, initial comments aside. 

Humor dying down, they both settled into a somewhat comfortable silence, the previous night having been seemingly forgotten. Eli went back to whittling and Tretij fell into something akin to being half asleep, pushing down his odd thoughts.

\---

Seeing as Tretij didn’t usually walk, Eli had dictated that they would continue to search for his father a day or so later, despite them both being absolutely lost with no idea of how to get anywhere important. This led to the both of them traveling aimlessly for days on end, very quickly depleting the small amount of rations Eli kept on him (though Tretij hardly ate anything at all, there were few opportunities where he was left alone or found somewhere safe and distant to eat where Eli couldn’t watch him). Growing increasingly tired and agitated at their pointless wandering both boys began to feel testy, the combined feeling in their minds doing neither of them any favors.

Sitting up in the branches of a large tree, they both stared off at the night sky, stars crisp without the pollution of light to dim their glow. Neither knew how long they had been walking the wilderness for but Tretij knew they couldn’t keep doing it. He had watched Eli’s spirit slowly die down, overcome with exhaustion and lack of proper food, both increasingly dehydrated as well. Every time he had begun to even try bringing up his concerns Eli had pushed them away angrily, saying he was absolutely fine though Tretij saw easily through his lies and had spent days now learning the turmoils of his companion’s mind. 

_”Eli?”_ Neither looked at each other but he made a small sound to show he was listening, gazing tiredly out at fireflies beginning to blink to life in the distance. _”We stop? Мы не можем продолжать это делать.”_ It was a very tentative question, testing waters and not willing to push too hard in fear of backlash at a suggestion he knew Eli wouldn’t like. 

“And do what exactly? It's not like either of us have anywhere to go.” Eli’s response was lacking in the typical aggression that he had come to know, instead sounding tired and distant. It was with a sinking feeling that Tretij realized Eli felt he had no purpose other than tracking down his father at the moment, something he knew well, frowning to think Eli was going through the same feelings he felt more often than not.

Tretij was silent for a moment, thinking over his options, wanting to contribute something meaningful that would suffice as an actual answer to his question rather than just an empty response, _”We go to the city?”_ He didn’t quite mean any city in particular but he wasn’t sure how to phrase in English that he meant any bigger city, intending to perhaps find information somewhere else that could aid Eli. Not to mention there would be many more supplies for them to steal.

Eli considered the thoughts pushed to mind to aid the response, “And what good would that do us? I have no idea if he’s even in Africa anymore, he could be anywhere- which I suppose then it may be a good idea to travel for information, someone is bound to know something for the right price.” Having a psychic on your side was quite handy in that regard, knowing how to parse important information from just about any mind he wanted.

The slight feeling of displeasure at being thought of as a tool to gain information rather than a companion went unnoticed as Eli began to liven up at the suggestion, at the very least he was happy to see him less sad than before. 

“We could keep going North, hit Morocco, go through Spain maybe, stop in France. Maybe from there we keep going up, that really depends on what we find. There should be trains going that way, that might just work.” Eli seemed entirely caught up in his own head now, plotting and planning things Tretij couldn’t understand but would follow along with anyway. 

It was hard to doubt Eli knew what he was doing when he sounded and felt so confident, ever the leader-type and determined to execute himself as such. It was becoming something that he enjoyed, not particularly the whole leader thing but seeing _Eli_ so self-assured and confident. A nice change of pace. It made him feel a little more confident in turn, though what about specifically he couldn’t be sure. 

\---

It didn’t take Eli long to find them a train station that would take them the way they wanted to go, although he had mentioned something or other about it not being for people and that they would have to “hop the train”, whatever that meant. 

Tretij was glad to have finally made it to their destination though, hoping they would be able to replenish themselves soon. He was used to going to bed hungry, or going long periods without food, to the point where sometimes eating made him feel sick even if he knew he was hungry. Eli, however, was at a critical growth stage in his life and required an amount of food that stunned Tretij, not incredibly fond of the manner in which he ate said food. Concerned nonetheless. 

He was snapped back to reality by Eli coming back from wherever he’d gone, holding a bag and lantern that were undoubtedly stolen from somewhere or someone. They remained crouched behind a large stack of cargo crates, Tretij keeping mental watch of their surroundings. 

“It isn’t anything great but I snagged some food. Found out that the next train we want to catch leaves in a few hours. It's the second to last one over there. We should try to get on now so nobody notices us.” He pauses to think something over while he fished a bottle of water from the bag, “though if they’re checking for stowaways you’ll have to keep us hidden.” 

It took a bit of mental charades for Tretij to fully understand their plan but it seemed solid and simple enough, even though he couldn’t help feeling a little anxious at the thought of being caught. He followed Eli across the dusty hot trainyard, aware of a few people here and there scurrying with last minute details, nothing worth noting.

He’d seen trains before but had never been inside of one, much less a cargo train meant to store various materials for who knew what reasons rather than passengers. Eli led him to a particular train car with large sliding doors that he slid open with a bit of effort, Tretij mildly impressed at a strength he knew he himself would never physically possess. 

The inside of the car smelled musty, old hay strewn about the floor, a few leftover piles of it in disarray and crates shoved along the back wall. He wasn’t fond of it in the slightest but Eli seemed pleased and they took up residence on the top of the crates after shutting the door and lighting their lantern, “We might have to catch another train to get into France, depends on how far past the border this one goes, but that won't be for a while yet.” He seemed content with their situation and pulled some biltong from the bag, shamelessly tearing at it in a way that made Tretij cringe. He instead focused on kicking his feet off the side of the crate where they dangled over the edge, his wounds had healed relatively well for his current condition. Maybe because there had been intent for them to heal properly this time, previous wounds only ever being taken care of for the sake of efficiency and necessity. 

“You should eat,” was the simple suggestion Eli provided, but it sparked a bit of worry from Tretij who now understood they’d be confined in this traincar together for quite awhile, not affording him the opportunity to eat in peace. He decided he’d forgo it entirely despite the protest that was obvious in the way his body and mind began to drag tiredly, pleading for rest and nourishment.

The train started to rattle and a too-loud whistle sounded as it began to pull itself lazily along the tracks, Eli noting that they must be ahead of schedule before actually looking over at Tretij who hadn’t attempted to eat anything.

There was some frustration in his words, “I’ve never even seen you eat, no wonder you’re so small. Eat something, you won’t be much help to me if you don’t.” When Tretij shook his head no he scowled, “Why not? You can’t just not eat anything, you can’t have your stupid private eating luxury for a few days so get over it.”

Worry wormed its way into Eli’s mind at that and he irritably tried to shove the bag at the other, to no avail as he floated up off the crate, a little distance put between them, _”Mask on.”_ As if to emphasize this he sucked a breath in through the filter. 

Eli was a bit curious at why he wouldn’t just take the dumb mask off, but was even more so aggitated at the lack of sense and simply replied “fine” before taking his half-finished whittling project back out of his pocket to work at. Why should he care anyways?

Admittedly, Eli had wondered what was under the mask many times, though every time Tretij caught him wondering there was a withdrawal and obvious discomfort in their connection, feeling a bit of sadness there that always confused him. But if he didn’t want to eat now then fine, he’d be hungry enough at some point. He was still human after all, at least Eli thought so anyways.

\---

It took another two days before Eli gave up trying to wait for Tretij to come to his senses and eat. He could deal with it at first, mildly irritated at the stupidity of it all, but when the sharp stomach ache became consistent and strong enough to cause him discomfort he began to lose his patience. That and the fact that Tretij didn’t have the energy to do much more than lie in the hay in the corner of the traincar, in and out of a restless sleep filled with odd dreams Eli would sometimes catch glimpses of. He didn’t like them much.

“I’ve had it about up to here with you, you need to eat.” Eli had rudely dropped a pack of crackers on the other’s head while he slept, startling him slightly. Bleary eyes looked up at him grouchily at the not-so-nice awakening, Eli looming over him, hands on his hips, “I’m sick and tired of my stomach hurting because of you. Eat.”

When Tretij sat up and shook his head Eli growled at him, “I’m not asking anymore.”

Tretij seemed a bit more inclined to take up his offer at that but still stubbornly shook his head no. Not willing to part with his mask despite coming to trust Eli a bit more in the time they’d spent together. He’d never given him a reason not to trust him and he’d never shown any intent to harm him, but he couldn’t risk revealing his face. It made his stomach a different kind of sick to think of Eli being disgusted at his mangled appearance and wanting nothing to do with him.

He’d heard the awful thoughts and assumptions made at the expense of his burns back in the airport months ago and they’d done little short of absolutely destroying any self-confidence he had left. He hadn’t even seen himself since the initial exam in Moscow where his burns were still fresh and trying their best to heal, going out of his way to keep his mask on anymore and strictly avoiding mirrors. 

Eli huffed at him, “I won’t even look at you! Why would I want to watch you eat you weirdo?” His tone was a bit harsher than he meant for it to be and he softened it at the way Tretij wilted under his gaze, a bit exasperated, “Look, I’m going to go back up there, you just- just stay down here and eat.” Eli wasn’t often on the pleading end but there was the slightest hint of it there, enough to make Tretij reluctantly turn his back to him while Eli busied himself with climbing the crates- something that was a bit difficult with the way the train rattled around but he still managed.

Mentally checking that Eli was preoccupied with sharpening his pocket knife, Tretij set to undoing his mask, feeling a bit nauseated at the clicks of the straps coming undone. He shivered at the feeling of air on his skin as he set his mask down, doing as he was told, feeling a deep embarrassment and shame at the entire situation and immediately longing to be anywhere else.

It hadn’t been more than five minutes before the train jostled them especially hard and Eli’s knife slipped into his thumb, drawing a sharp pang of pain into both their minds with a rather uncouth, “Shit _!_ ” in response. 

Tretij had whipped around in alarm, having temporarily forgotten his mask until his and Eli’s eyes met, both staring at each other like deer caught in headlights. Eli pulled his thumb from his mouth where he’d been sucking on the wound to utter something that didn’t quite audibly come out, Tretij realizing with a very sick feeling what he’d done.

Fingers not cooperating he rather clumsily snatched his mask and put it back on, fumbling with the clasps that should have been so easy to put together, breathing deeply through the filter in an attempt to find comfort. He couldn’t suck in air hard enough as he heard Eli jump down from the crates and come up behind him.

They were silent for a good moment, Tretij hunched over with his back to Eli who was standing behind him. Withdrawn entirely into his own head in fear of whatever Eli was thinking he failed to notice Eli squat down beside him until he finally spoke up, “Tretij?” Reaching a hand toward him gingerly.

 _”Don’t”_ Came in a sharp and venomous response, afraid to even move let alone deal with what just happened, he felt like a cornered animal. Eli was the first person since the lab to see his face and had things gone his way it never would have even been a possibility, he should have been more careful, should have just gone hungry, gone thirsty, not risked his safety, how grotesque must he have looked? Tretij was acutely aware that he was allowing himself to slip into a panic attack, struggling to keep the eager amount of sustenance in his stomach down and feeling tears stinging at his eyes, why was he so stupid-

“It isn’t that bad,” Eli seemed to struggle for words as Tretij’s breathing nearly stopped entirely, going quiet to hear what he had to say, “I can tell what you’re thinking you know.”

He had entirely forgotten to keep his thoughts from Eli as he had kept Eli’s thoughts from his own head, still not used to how intertwined their minds were becoming. He tentatively felt out the blond’s mind, amazed to not feel any disgust or pity but rather a strange kind of feeling he couldn’t really understand.

“You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to.” And with such a simple yet weighted sentence Eli withdrew back to his perch with one last meaningful look at the masked boy before him.

It was a hard thing to digest, not sure how he should feel about it. Eli had certainly seen some shit in his life but nothing quite like that. He wasn’t disgusted like Tretij had made it clear he should be, far from really. Somehow he found it mysterious and therefore fitting. What had happened? Who had done it to him? Was there even a someone responsible or was it some unfortunate accident, he wondered. Though he would never admit it- and he hoped Tretij couldn’t sense it- he found it strangely alluring. Well, more than that, but he blushed to even think about it. 

Eli had always found beauty in messed up things, feeling like he had a personal connection to them due to his troubled background and lack of appreciation for typical “pretty things” like girls and flowers, his youth hadn’t afforded him that. Mounted animals, strange and ominous paintings, hard machinery, firelit rooms, and other such things had always caught his attention. Tretij seemed to also fit snugly in there, even as he grit his teeth against the thought. 

Something about the way faint freckles peered out from under pale crisscrossing scars and over porcelain skin was captivating. Having seen many scars and wounds he could recognize the nature of most of them and the ways they had been mended. In particular he was drawn to a long snaking scar that dipped into the hollow of his cheek and crested the bone above, barely touching his upper lip as if afraid to go much further. But more so than anything else he found his eyes especially interesting, they were so piercingly blue that they were almost intimidating, as if such a sharp feature shouldn’t belong to the soft, sad boy he was now linked to. 

Caught up in his own musing he had failed to notice the aforementioned boy staring up at him from where he sat on the floor, eyes wide behind amber lenses and he realized with an incredible amount of embarrassment that somewhere along the line he’d let his mental guard down. Not sure of how much Tretij understood he turned away sharply in a poor attempt to hide his reddening face. 

Maybe this was just what it was like to become friends with someone, it wasn’t like he would know, he never had friends growing up and he got the sense that Tretij hadn’t either. Surely that was it, they were both just experiencing companionship for the first time and it had both of them messed up, vulnerable, confused.

 _”You do not hate me?”_ The question was incredibly soft for not having been spoken, Eli almost didn’t catch it in his state of mind. That wasn’t to say he didn’t catch it though and he turned to fix a glare on Tretij as if he had offended him.

“No!” His response was a bit louder than he intended and he dutifully ignored the way his voice cracked, “Shut up, whatever, go back to sleeping.” But the redhead simply stared up at him, motionless and unwavering.

“Stop staring at me!” He grit his teeth, fed up with these stupid annoying feelings and wishing he was anywhere but here, not trapped in such a confined space where their minds bounced off eachother’s and their connection was so open and raw.

When Tretij still didn’t move or look away he stood up and jumped down to intimidate him into doing so, it was the only way to deal with his emotions that he knew, never having had a healthy way of expressing himself or a good outlet for things like this. But he faltered halfway through his stride when he realized the other’s shoulders trembling ever so slightly under the oversized straightjacket. 

“A- Are you crying?” They only stood about a foot apart and when Tretij looked up just an inch higher to look into Eli’s eyes the lenses finally caught the low light of the lantern to reveal that yes, he was in fact crying.

There was such a relieving feeling flooding from him that Eli was brought to his knees, wordless as he watched him suck in a shuddering breath through the mask filter, _”You don’t hate me..”_ And Eli realized for the first time just how very real and alive Tretij was, an entirely different human from himself with a whole past he knew nothing about and probably couldn’t even begin to imagine. He had always been caught up in his own mind, never giving much thought to the fact that anyone else existed other than himself, perhaps as some form of coping mechanism. 

Completely lost for words Eli only stared on in silence.

\---

The rest of their ride on the train Tretij had been in an undeniably wonderful mood that had even Eli begrudgingly happy about. Tretij didn’t say much to Eli (to his relief), too caught up thinking about things in a language Eli didn’t much understand, Czech being lost on him. Though he could understand from his mood and glimpses of thoughts what Tretij was thinking, for the most part. He was still flustered for sure, but seeing Tretij breakdown at the fact that Eli didn’t _hate_ him based on his looks took the sting of anger from his embarrassment, letting Tretij enjoy his good mood at his expense. Something softened in Eli that day. 

All too soon they were in France earlier than he had expected, having to leave their shelter for the unknown of Paris and forgoing the good mood in exchange for typical anxieties. Eli didn’t want to admit that he hadn’t wanted the good mood to end. 

Tretij had stuck almost annoyingly close, undoubtedly perturbed by the number of people and having to walk so he could focus all of his ability on twisting their minds. There were too many people for him to entirely turn their presence from their minds so he focused mostly on making them think nothing of his odd facial apparel, something he was sure to let Eli know when he asked about it.

Although his mask deafened the roaring ocean of thoughts around him, he was still agonizingly aware of how many people filtered around them as they pushed the opposite way of the crowd towards the city. It made him anxious and nauseated, a headache beginning to grow behind his temples. His slow pace had Eli grabbing his sleeve and pulling him along, trying to get them away from the crowd to plan their next move- which Eli had been plotting the moment they were scurrying out of the train car. 

Running through things in his head and not paying much mind to where they went, Eli failed to notice Tretij’s anxieties melt and turn into curiosity, only realizing this when he had stopped dead in his tracks which resulted in Eli nearly falling backwards from where he had been pulling ahead, “Hey what are yo-”

He paused mid sentence, now seeing that Tretij was staring in awe of a massive and intricate cathedral, standing dead in the middle of the sidewalk in absolute fascination much to the displeasure of others around them. Eli had read about it before, knowing most of the major world landmarks from his classes, but he figured Tretij didn’t have the same type of knowledge as he did. Normally he wasn’t one for boring history and architecture, much more enjoying combat training, but he would jump at any opportunity to show off how informed and knowledgeable he was. A good leader was competent and educated.

“That’s the Cathédrale Notre-Dame, it's been around since 1260.” From an outside appearance anyone else would have thought the redhead didn’t hear him but the positive buzz in Eli’s mind was reassurance that he had and was rather excited about it. There wasn’t anything quite this large back where Tretij came from, their churches and cathedrals paling in comparison, dark and brooding. He continued to stare at it, even appreciating its beauty and intricacy from this far away, for as long as Eli would allow. 

Tretij thought it had been too short a time when Eli gently pulled on his sleeve to get him to come along again. 

\---

Tretij sat happily in a hotel lobby, kicking his feet off the base of the wall-bench he waited for Eli on. They had chosen a decent hotel, not super expensive and not super cheap, at Eli’s suggestion, stating it was the most inconspicuous. Tretij had simply convinced the clerk that they already paid and sat back while Eli did the arrangements. It was handy that Eli’s second best language was French, having to speak it frequently at their previous base. Though he had also found in Eli’s mind that he just generally liked the language but was embarrassed about admitting it for some reason or another he didn’t get.

Sitting here allowed him time to think back on the past few weeks or so, which in all honesty hadn’t been all that bad, living in the wilderness aside. Unlike his other “leaders” Eli was talkative, having an almost constant commentary running as they traveled, a welcome change from Volgin and Skull Face who didn’t care for his company and didn’t really attempt any conversations that weren’t mandatory or imperative to their plans.

They had a few mishaps along the way, still clumsily learning the dances of each other's minds, notably the time at their first makeshift camp where Eli had snapped at him. He was more than willing to put that aside with their most recent interaction being so positive. Tretij wasn’t exactly going to go parading around Eli without his mask, still far too self-conscious and ashamed for that, but he was more than relieved to know that Eli didn’t find him repulsive to be around. It was definitely a memory he was going to hold very dear, even if Eli seemingly didn’t like it much if his lack of conversation around it was anything to go by, which was fine.

Putting himself in a good mood again with the thought he mentally hummed along to the sounds of a decently clear radio on the table beside him. The song was in French so he didn’t understand any of it, but the tune was pleasant to him and he enjoyed it quite a lot. Tretij hadn’t been exposed to much music in his life which made it that much more enjoyable to listen to. In fact, he was enjoying his mood and their current time together so much he hummed it the whole way to their room, not hearing a single word Eli said to him. 

As prone as he was to strong emotions from others, occasionally, Tretij could get himself caught in his own emotions. Usually they were negative, resulting in accidents like his village and the airplane, but the results of this were very different. Instead, he seemed to be influencing Eli, who had at first grown steadily more annoyed at not being able to get through to him at all.

Eli stood in front of him now, both alone in the cozy hotel room, nothing to do and nowhere to go in this moment. He waved a hand in front of Tretij who floated merily in the center of the room, ever so slightly swaying to the tune in his head. As Eli tried harder to get his attention he hummed louder in response, the song flowing over their mental link, albeit just bits and pieces. 

The mood quite literally contagious Eli began to pep up a bit, deciding it was fine to relax for once, just for one night before they moved on with their plan. What was the harm in that? He threw his bag and coat on the bed, digging through them for a few things and speaking to his gleeful companion over his shoulder, “What are you humming?” He wouldn’t admit it but it was almost cute in that way a young and naive child could be. Almost. 

Tretij finally acknowledged him, allowing their link to broaden without many boundaries for the first time, too consumed with being in a good mood to really care. He allowed his memory of hearing the radio to play over their bond, a little sad that he didn’t catch all of the words even if he didn’t know any of their meanings, humming along with himself.

At first he hadn’t noticed, but Eli appeared to know the song as he very very quietly muttered along, still preoccupied with arranging his things, “Un matin d'hiver, réveillé par un courant d'air, tu étais là me souriant,” He took his knife from his coat pocket and stretched to set it on the nightstand, ”comme mère nature à son enfant, tes yeux m'ont parlés, tu m'as dit ‘viens à mes côtés’, j'ai suivi, main dans la main nous nous sommes envolés-” 

Eli had made it seem like he knew French but wasn’t proficient in it, something that Tretij now heavily doubted as he listened intently to him mutter along the words to the song from the radio. He very much liked it, the language somehow fitting and sounding rather nice coming from Eli, rough appearance a stark contrast to the soft words. It made him wonder if there was a softer side to the proud young boy he never let anyone know about, maybe caring about more than revenge and violence. 

Tretij floated above him, tipping over him so he appeared upside down into Eli’s view, who continued to mumble words to the mental music even though he averted his eyes and his face turned a light shade of pink. 

_”That is nice, Eli.”_ He finally stopped humming in favor of sitting down on the bed in front of him, glad to share a tender moment with the only person in the whole world he felt even remotely close to. Part of him was very glad for how strong their bond had grown, doubting Eli would be in this good of a mood otherwise, probably not one to put himself out there like that without some form of influence. Tretij would have felt guilty about influencing him in any way if it weren’t for how much he enjoyed hearing him. Being near people in good moods was a rare treat for him that he was happy to indulge in.

Eli shrugged and shoved his things off the bed and onto the floor, settling on the edge and kicking his boots off, “I like that song, it's not a big deal.” Normally a response like that would have been defensive and prickly, not willing to show anything other than the hard and unbreakable exterior of stoic leadership. 

They both finally took the time to look at their room, coming down a bit from Tretij being so giddy. It was simple but cozy, the room entirely dark red and golds. A single bed, a nightstand, a dresser, a small window, and a breakfast nook were all that adorned the room. There were two doors, one that opened up into a very tiny closet with extra linens and an ironing board that folded out from the wall, and one leading to a small bathroom. 

Eli was noticeably very happy with the bathroom, glad to be able to _finally_ shower off weeks worth of grime, blood, and god knows what else. Still a bit flustered at the overwhelming feelings, he dismissed himself, leaving Tretij alone to explore the room. He didn’t think much of it and gingerly pulled his mind from Eli’s to give him as much privacy as he could with a psychic link connecting their thoughts. 

Tretij was a bit fascinated with the room, never having stayed anywhere this nice. His bedroom had been a repurposed study, not really equipped to hold many bedroom adornments which left him with just a bed and a kerosene lamp on an end table that threatened to fall apart if you even looked at it wrong. The walls had been a dusty gray-white and the floor plain and splintered wood boards, leaving him to be very appreciative of the maroon carpet under his feet. 

He had often wondered about things that probably weren’t even that interesting, such as hotels. His village had only had one inn, barely able to keep itself open and rarely used as they didn’t exactly get many visitors unless they were people coming briefly to collect livestock and crops. Tretij had imagined hotels more like a big house, having many adjoining rooms, which he supposed wasn’t far off but not quite right either. If it weren’t for his fear of people, because honestly that's what it had become at this point, he might have chanced a few minutes to go explore and take in more. He was already becoming fond of this city, people aside, deeming it very pretty.

Laying back on the bed to stare at the ceiling he let his mind go fuzzy and relax, even without Eli not immediately equipped to deal with any danger he had come to trust him enough to know he wouldn’t just let anything happen. Maybe Eli felt the same way about him, but he wasn’t sure. His eyes grew heavy and he wormed his way back up the bed to rest on it properly, it had been too long since he’d slept in an actual bed and the comfort of this one pulled him into a hazy sleep, daring to feel safe even.

\---

By the time he blinked groggily back into existence sunlight was filtering through the broken spots in the window’s blinds and it took him a moment to realize where he was, watching dust motes floating about. He sat up and let his sleeve fall to run a hand through his hair, catching a few snags. Looking around he realized Eli wasn't anywhere in sight though he could remember a very faint and sleep tainted memory of Eli getting into bed but laying on the far side, back to him and a bit disgruntled at sharing his personal space. There was no residual heat left in the bed by now.

He would have panicked a little at not knowing where Eli was if it weren’t for the fact that he could mentally feel he wasn’t that far off, likely still in the hotel even just not in the room. Like a dog waiting for their master to come home from work, he sat patiently on the bed, chastising himself lightly for the comparison. 

It wasn’t long before Eli came back holding a tray adorned with various things Tretij didn’t recognize, the food extremely foreign to him and he peered curiously at the tray when Eli set it down on the table of the breakfast nook. He sat at one of the chairs and crossed his legs, stretching his arms.

“I was starting to wonder if you’d ever wake up, how do you sleep for so long?” The question was more of a comment and there wasn’t any actual annoyance in it, maybe he just missed it in his groggy state of mind though. Eli yawned, catching the remnants of sleep from the other, and picked up a steaming white styrofoam cup.

Tretij made his way to the other chair and looked everything over, curious as to what it was Eli was drinking and at his open staring had the cup pushed towards him. He picked it up, not liking the look of the dark brown liquid, and held it up to his filter to smell it. Eli chuckled at him when he pushed the cup away in disgust, hating the bitter smell and wondering why Eli would drink something like that, it reminded him of the bitter medicine he had to take as a child. The fruit flavoring doing nothing to the sickly and thick liquid.

“I figured you wouldn’t like coffee but didn’t expect _that_ reaction. The other cup has juice in it.” He didn’t provide much more explanation than that, the lobby sign hadn’t said what kind it was and he didn’t care that much anyways.

If Eli noticed Tretij’s cautious mind prodding he didn’t notice or say anything, maybe he just didn’t understand what feelings were being searched for and picked apart. He must not have found what he was looking for because he sat back in his chair and gently loosened his mask straps a bit so he could slide it up just enough to expose his mouth.

It made it hard to actually see anything like this, not catching that Eli’s eyes had immediately shot up from his food to catch a glimpse before hurriedly busying himself back with his food, pretending as though he didn’t even notice what Tretij had done.

They picked at the food in relative silence, a comment here and there from Eli (who was looking anywhere but at the bit of exposed face) when Tretij showed his preference or distaste for certain foods mentally. 

It wasn’t as if Eli had a reason to be embarrassed, certainly not, Tretij had every right to eat and he blamed the weird feelings on the fact that he normally didn’t actually let anyone else see him eat. It had been something that confused him at first, but upon understanding the mask was something of great importance to the psychic he tried not to push the issue. He had his own important items, after all. He couldn’t help his mind trying to wander back to that time in the train.

Once they had finished- Eli much before Tretij- he began explaining his plans, “I went out this morning to see if I could find anything that might be important. It was mostly boring chit chat but there's murmurings of an intelligence group here and some other powerful people, they hang out at some of the speakeasies around the city but I’m not sure which ones yet.”

Tretij hummed in thought over the words, fixing his mask back into place, _”Speaking easy?”_

Eli snorted, “No, it's a place. Like, uh, a hidden bar. They’re more of a thing in the states.” 

_”Hidden? How will you finding them?”_ Tretij wasn’t sure why a bar would be hidden or why these people would be there but Eli seemed to always know more than he did, trusting this was actually important to whatever it was he wanted to accomplish even if he personally didn’t get it.

“Find. And I have my ways, it won't be that hard, especially with you being able to read minds,” Eli got up to dig through the nightstand in hopes of finding a map of the area, “Something I’ve learned is that all governments and secret agencies are linked somehow. This could be our chance to find out where my dad or any of the others are. They probably moved base by now.” Producing a slightly tattered and obviously re-used map he came back over to lay it out on the table, not caring or maybe not noticing he sloshed a bit of coffee from the cup onto the table.

Tretij watched him scour the map, dragging his finger over certain roads with purpose, “These back roads here are probably what we’re looking for. Speakeasies are hidden as something else, behind, or under other buildings so we might be able to find some entrances or people if we stick to allies.” 

\---

Tretij was beginning to get bored and Eli frustrated when they had found nothing worth noting. They had walked the main sidewalks, leading to the openings of several allies where they would stop and have Tretij search minds for anything of importance. It was difficult to make them look inconspicuous, hide his mask from the minds of others, and search for information in yet another foreign tongue. Even harder when Eli was bugging him every two minutes to ask if he found anything. Besides, he wanted to look at the actual city itself, not people and their grungy thoughts.

They had been about ready to give up for the day, Eli becoming hungry and irritated, when Tretij sensed something secretive and quiet in his mental web. Freezing up he listened intently, trying to catch images and feelings while also doing his best to remember words he could relay to Eli for translation if needed.

Two women and a man some distance away and from inside a building were talking in hushed tones, thoughts a bit wary and anxious in comparison to the dull droning of everyday life outside. Eli noticed Tretij had frozen up and leaned closer as if that would allow him to hear it too, for once (thankfully) not distracting him with questions of, “What do you hear? What’s going on?” 

He couldn’t understand what was being said but did take careful note of their thoughts. One man and the woman thought of a girl, perhaps their daughter, and a few other younger people who he thought might have been other family members the way the connection felt. Yet there was a sense of argument there and the thought of alcohol and more adults. 

When the people finally separated they began their walk back to the hotel, Tretij relaying what he’d heard, headache coming to life behind his eyes,

 _”They think of the night, a clothes shop door? They say ‘Fête ce soir’”_ He thinks back on their memories harder, dissecting what they had been thinking about, _”Anxious of man in a suit, many people.. A girl”_ With that he allows Eli access to his thoughts, feeling him picking apart the dialogue he had taken in. Particularly interested in the words “les beaux voyous”.

Eli grinned, the satisfaction in his mind warm curling fingers against Tretij’s own, “Seems like a birthday party, more for the adults to have an excuse to get together and drink, and there’s some interestingly important people in this particular family.”

Tretij felt a bit uneasy at the anticipation forming in Eli, “How do you feel about infiltration missions?”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning for a bit of yucky medical stuff and implied alcohol abuse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, hope you've all had good holidays, happy new years! :) 
> 
> Sorry this chapter is a bit shorter and a little rushed for my taste, I'm not suuuuper happy with it but I'm trying to actually stick to my update schedule for once. I didn't have a lot of down time to work on this fic with holidays and work but hopefully next week will be better. Anyways, thanks for the support as always!

The first thing Tretij noticed about Paris at night was how busier it became, as if the city itself were one festering organism that moved chaotically as one- he was especially thankful for his mask in this moment.

The weather had yet to become cold enough for bundling layers over expensive clothes and he watched in a measured amount of awe at the outfits blurring by him. While day life in Paris had been dominated by reserved adults in tight suits and formal dresses on their way to work, nightlife appeared entirely different. There was a buzz in the air as younger adults and teenagers hurried on their way to various events.

When Eli had talked of a fancy party he had expected the stiff formal wear he was used to seeing, not that he had much exposure to anything like that. Aside from church and funeral services. However, it seemed as though the 1970s were drugging up some new era of fashion that was rather intriguing. Albeit a bit ill-fitting Eli had managed to scrounge up some clothes that made him look no different than those around him. 

It was a bit funny if he was honest, not used to seeing Eli dressed up- even if this version of “dressed up” was more of a dressed down type of look. Tight fitting button down tucked loosely into dress pants the flared slightly at the bottom, top three buttons popped to create a deep V. His hair was also completely slicked back and he wore some fancy watch he probably stole from someone. 

Although Tretij did like seeing Eli like this and was curious of the outfits of other men as well, he was far more interested in the new-aged female fashion. He was surprised to see not only dress centered outfits but many where the women wore pants as well, perhaps his village had been a bit old fashioned.

Layered dresses, pants tucked into tall and heeled boots, elbow length gloves, wide brimmed hats, neatly tied neck scarves, tops cropped high and tight, hair in carefully crafted styles accentuated with loose curls. To be honest Tretij had never been one to personally fancy button ups, tuxedos, and dress shirts, all too tight and much too formal for him. He had found female fashion much more alluring, free flowing, more about personal expression than simply looking how one was expected to. Maybe it had something to do with never having properly fitting clothes and not liking the way certain fabrics clung to his scars uncomfortably.

Store windows glimmered in golden light, displaying various shoes and bags, luxury items that dappled the streets here and there as they walked by briskly. The air smelled of warm foods that simultaneously made him hungry and nauseous. He wished he and Eli could simply enjoy the night but knew he was instead stuck playing the psychic tool again as the other went about his supposed intelligence mission. Mind once again lost to careful planning, his head hurt.

\---

Getting in had been easy, Eli being a bit theatrical about his sneaking around despite Tretij making them go unnoticed by the door security. While he was not excited to go in he much preferred it to the nasty back alley the hidden door was nestled in. It smelled of old garbage and vomit and he swore he'd seen a rat the size of a small dog.

Once inside Eli gave him a reassuring nod to signal they were beginning. He floated up to the rafters where he perched in the shadows like an ever-vigilant owl stalking its unfortunate prey, eyes following Eli through an orange tint as he made his way through the crowd. It was easier to convince everyone’s minds that they knew Eli from somewhere when they were either drunk adults or distracted teenagers. People didn't push too far, afraid to admit to forgetting someone they supposedly already knew.

The basement was much larger than he had expected from Eli’s description, decorated half-heartedly for a birthday and packed with differing groups of people. It was obvious enough that this party was an excuse for adults to drink like he’d been told, most of the younger people here for the actual party restricted to one corner of the room for the most part, seeming bored as they chatted about things he didn’t understand. A small upper floor held a bar which didn’t appear to be manned by anyone in particular as adults came and went as they pleased, the bottles glinted ominously as he recalled the ones from his childhood- most ended up broken on the floor. The smell alone made him shiver in disgust.

Eli kept tabs on their mental link, allowing Tretij to hear what he did through it and occasionally translating things in the back of his mind though he wasn’t sure if it was intentional to help him or just something Eli did.

Mind numbing chatter aside Tretij didn’t mind his position much, Eli was less demanding of his skills than he’d thought and from up here he didn’t have to keep attention off of himself, just sit and observe and listen to the faint murmurings of music from a staticky radio somewhere in the crowd.  
\---

It was awhile before he noted some annoyance from Eli, re-focusing on their link as he had been letting his mind drift and wander, swaying along absently to unintelligible songs. He peered down curiously, Eli was seated up at the bar area where he could look down on the crowd and scour for bits of actually important conversation- he had mentioned something about mobs and people in high places earlier but Tretij couldn’t distinguish anyone in particular from the burbling drunk mass of people. He was amazed that Eli had gained any sort of knowledge. Surely it was an assault on the senses to be down there.

A girl who couldn’t be much younger than Eli was standing a bit too close for his taste and talking obnoxiously loud for the distance. Tretij wished he could understand what was being said to needle anger from Eli, which honestly could be anything as he was generally temperamental. 

If the girl had noticed his annoyance she didn’t make any effort to right herself and avoid it, instead leaning in closer to mumble something at him which had him bristling and clenching his teeth. His response was short and snippy, standing up to leave and avoiding her gaze.

Tretij watched curiously as the girl took a moment to fluff her hair and straighten her ever-so-slightly glittery blue dress before brashly marching herself up to the stairway and effectively blocking his escape from the conversation. Whatever she wanted she was apparently determined to get and he found himself finding it mildly funny to watch two bull-headed people interact, he was far too timid himself to behave that way. Not that Eli had been very abrasive towards him recently, snapping far less than he did back in Africa and making more of an effort to consider Tretij’s feelings even if that meant weighing in on their mental link to search for his feelings on a topic. If he had to guess, it was probably good for his mental health to get away from all of that.

Eventually Eli said something that, funnily enough, had the girl up in arms and stomping off huffily. Tretij could only pick up on anger and distaste coming from her person before he turned his attention back to Eli who was still irritated but less so now that she was gone. A question pushed towards Eli was simply brushed off.

\---

By the time they left Tretij was aware of the fact that Eli was a bit tipsy, having snatched small drinks left unattended here and there. He did his best to not let it show physically but the sickly warm buzzing in his head was all he needed to know. The cool air outside was kind enough to clear his own head from the smell of alcohol and perfumes.

“That party was somethin’ awful, bunch of bloody pricks, thinkin’ they were so much better than everyone else just cause they have more money. Piss off,” Eli’s words were a bit muddled but still understandable, coming forth unprompted or without a response from Tretij, “They all have awful taste in grog too, I had better shit from the slack-offs back at base when they smuggled it.” 

The hotel seemed like too far a walk back to put up with this he thought as Eli continued on, “Bunch of posers if you ask me, no real money there just blood money, pretty chuffed about that too for some lowlife criminals.” He looked over at Tretij as they walked back, late enough now that the streets had cleared up significantly, “Whaddaya think?”

He shook his head, trying to ignore the pestering feeling, _”I do not know what you are speaking of even.”_

“Ah yeah, you’re jus’ a kid I forgot, probably haven’t even had a stiff one before, yeah?”

Tretij just shook his head again, ignoring him for the most part and not really listening to much else he said as they eventually slunk their way back to their hotel room, cobbles loud beneath their boots. If he thought maybe Eli would quiet down once back he was wrong (it was tricky enough to get through the hotel and to their own room with Eli yammering so noisily) the blond throwing himself onto the bed without even kicking off his shoes and continuing to go on about things he didn’t really comprehend in the slightest. 

\---

It took a good while but the worst of the alcohol’s influence wore off leaving Eli a little raw emotionally but much easier to understand and put up with, both laying on opposite ends of the bed and staring up at the ceiling. Their link was more open than usual, Eli’s typical walls not stationed around his mind as he enjoyed the warmth of his buzz, choosing to ignore the remaining wisps of annoyance from the younger of the two.

“Hey?” Eli didn’t bother to look over, voice quiet but somewhat gravelly with exhaustion and substance intake, “You ever think about girls or whatever?”

All things considered, no, he really didn’t and he didn’t understand why he would anyways which left him a little confused at the question and the slight twang of unpleasant embarrassment from Eli, _”No Eli, why?”_ He had been too young, poor, and hungry back in his village to even know of that let alone have an opportunity in his more recent travels at the heels of angry adult men.

Eli didn’t appear too happy with his answer and the embarrassment got a little hotter, coiling through their link and rubbing him the wrong way as if his answer should have been different, “Dunno, ‘m just asking.”

 _”I can tell when you lie,”_ Eli huffed at that and folded his arms stubbornly like that disputed the statement at all, _”You have reason to ask.”_

“That girl just made me wonder is all, don’t think about it so much, Christ. You always have to pick apart my thoughts like that?” It wasn’t really all that intentional, a side effect of how intertwined their minds were and Tretij sent a mental apology his way which seemed to smooth things over a little bit. Eli reminded him of a snippy dog sometimes, easily persuaded by a calmer touch.

 _”Did she upset you?”_ If Eli was going to deflect he was quickly quieted by Tretij’s memories flowing into his own mind, showing he’d seen everything and was at least a little curious about Eli’s mental wellbeing. It shouldn't have come as a surprise, he was aware of the psychic shadow tracing his steps the whole night.

“I guess- she wasn’t really trying to, it's not a big deal,” 

_”You’re-”_

“Yes, I know, you can tell I’m lying again. Bloody psychics..” The last part was more of a grumble and not intended to be taken as an actual insult, more of a cover up for his own feelings than anything, “She was trying to ask me out I think, I don’t know, girls are complicated.”

Tretij lacked sufficient knowledge of that topic to offer much help in soothing the bristling embarrassment from his companion, twisting its way into his mind sharply and making it very apparent Eli wasn’t happy about the interaction. Eli's mind could be more complex than just one-track schemes and revenge but it wasn't all that often.

 _”You made her mad.”_ It was an observational statement and nothing much further than that, adding what he could to the conversation and trying to walk the delicate path around triggering Eli’s anger and annoyance. It was easier to do now that they'd known each other for awhile, he could see the mental tripwires between them that would set him off and was diligent to tree soften around and over them.

“I wasn’t trying to, she wouldn’t drop it. Kept asking me if I thought she was pretty and trying to get me to go meet her friends.”

 _”Did you not think so?”_ Thinking back on it he hadn’t picked up anything significantly positive from Eli in the brief conversation but then again he wouldn’t know what to look for when it came to companionship really. 

“No! I- no? I don’t know, it's complicated. I just don’t really think of girls that way. I mean I _have_ just- just not recently. Stop asking me dumb questions, go to sleep.” Eli rolled over so his back faced him and huffed, curling in on himself in a poor attempt to hide some of the heat under his cheeks.

 _”I do not really know what you mean, but okay.”_

They didn’t say anything for a long time, Tretij mulling over Eli’s words in his head and trying to pick apart what he meant, honestly confused and feeling a little bad to have poked at him enough to upset him. He supposed Eli’s childhood didn’t give him many chances to make friends let alone develop feelings for anyone, it sounded like he had moved around a lot which had probably contributed to the lack of any decent relationships. In a way he had suffered the same date, despite not having thought of anyone that way like Eli admittedly had in the past.

His own childhood had been lonely but more so because other children his age just didn’t like him. He had always been too sickly to attend school fully and rough-house with others his age. His pale skin and sunken features were a source of teasing and while he knew his mother had been considered very pretty for her red hair he only ever caught grief for his. Many of his days were spent in the woods behind his house looking for animals or helping a group of older women at the local church. Watching birds and learning the basics of sewing and cooking didn’t earn him any favors either. Especially not from his father.

He remembered a time when his father was away on some kind of business as he often was and there had been an awful snow storm which had him and a few of the old women staying the night in the church, insisting that he didn't go home to freeze in an empty house. They had spent hours in the basement teaching him the basics of cooking so he could actually feed himself properly when his father was away instead of relying on scraps. This led to regular afternoons and nights spent the same way so he could learn more from them. He hadn’t been good at first, clumsy and messy, getting frustrated easily at lackluster results. Eventually he got better though, actually coming to enjoy it and doing so for fun sometimes if he had the supplies or they were offered to him. Most of his limited good memories were of making food for others, chasing the high of being thanked or praised. Yet he never really did much for himself, why waste food and resources on himself when he could make something for someone and have them appreciate his efforts?

He wondered if Eli knew how to cook anything or if he had been teased for any of his interests as a kid. Tretij shook the thoughts from his head as best as he could, thinking of his childhood never did him any good. A deep rooted sick feeling came skittered under his skin and made his scars itch. Sleep did not come easily.

\---

At first Eli couldn’t tell what he was looking at, everything was blurry and tinted around the edges like a bad satellite connection and his hearing seemed off somehow, his perspective as well. Looking around he realized he couldn’t see his own hands or limbs nor was he really sitting perched up near the ceiling like he had thought, it was as if he was a spirit, just ghosting through the mortal plain to observe the everyday life of the living. 

It was with some interest that he realized he was looking down on a hospital room. Particularly shabby in comparison to the few he had been in, as if it wasn’t much cared for by those who tended it. The room was dark, barely lit by the setting sun outside half-drawn curtains and a dying kerosine lamp. The door was heavy steel and reinforced, not fitting the appearance of the shitty little room. 

A slight cough caught his attention as images of people manifested into the room like smoke wafting through branches above a campfire, not quite solid in their appearance and flickering in and out slightly, it didn’t really help him understand his situation at all until he realized it was Tretij in the hospital bed. Suddenly his mental presence slammed into him, feeling an overwhelming feeling of grogginess mingled with fear and anger. Putting two and two together he realized he must be in his dream-state, caught up in a rapid torrent of thoughts and memories that had flooded the gate’s of the psychic’s mind and spilled over into his own subconscious. He wondered if this was what it was like for Tretij when he looked through his dreams on occasion.

A man stood loomingly at the foot of the bed which appeared to swallow the small boy up, nothing more than a pale face peeking out from under off-white sheets, anyone would have thought him dead if it weren’t for the steady beep of the machinery beside him which signaled his state of living. There must have been hundreds of wires, cords, and tubes connected to him. They ran back and forth like a complex cobweb, perhaps relaying more information than what was typical for a hospital. Handfuls of needles were wormed into his frail body, liquids coming and going at a steady rate.

A nurse materialized beside the bed and pulled the covers down slightly, checking one of the machines before swapping out an IV bag and readjusting a tube that went down his throat, it made Eli cringe. She said something to the man at the foot of the bed, and stepped back beside him where they both observed, Eli catching rudimentary strings of trepidation from them and maybe a bit of concern from the nurse.

Nothing happened for a moment, thick liquid sludge working its way up the tube at a leisurely crawl accompanied by one of the monitors picking up its pace, beeping noisily in an otherwise quiet room. Eli was very aware of how nauseous he felt and resisted the urge to empty his stomach despite not physically having one in the moment. Before he realized these were phantom feelings from Tretij’s memory-self the feeble redhead began to hack and cough, his body rejecting the substance and trying to puke it back up around the tube where it got caught in his throat and obscured his airway. 

Eli watched with a heavy frown as the nurse scrambled to his side and fussed with him to fix the issue, the man ever vigilant and unmoving, apparently not all that concerned about the entire situation. Tretij blinked up at the nurse blearily once she was done, eyes watery and tired, the bandaging around his face not doing much to help him look any less pathetic and weak. Eli could feel ghostings of his pain, chest sore from the retching. She murmured something softly to him, producing a needle from a steel table and shushing him when he grew alarmed and panicked. He had realized they had him strapped down to the bed when he was unable to pull away from her, as soon as the needle sunk into his skin everything went black and Eli was pitched into endless nothing for a moment, feeling hazy and sick himself. 

When imagery finally reappeared it was the same hospital room, several people standing at the far end and watching a doctor explain the readings of the machines. Tretij glanced up at him when he leaned over the boy to grab a chart and immediately regretted it as the doctor noticed his consciousness with a grimace, leaning back to ask a nurse for something and coming back with another syringe which quickly went into his arm and threw everything into the same black fog. There was a brief, strangled stab of fear.

Every time Eli regained vision it was the same thing over and over and over again. People shuffling in and out of the room, gawking at the tiny boy like some zoo animal, discussing things he didn’t understand in hushed and urgent tones. The beeping or screaming of machines depending on several circumstances. Tretij barely coming to and barely aware of his surroundings as bags and IVs and computers were switched in and out, shot after shot being injected into his bruised arms every time someone noticed him waking up. The nauseating whiplash was awful, left him wanting to cry and throw up and clutch his head at the awful headache growing in a non-physical body. Eli thought it was about to be too much, felt like his eyes were going to pop from the growing pressure- and then things came to again.

Nobody was in the room and it was late into the night, cold moonlight the only thing to brighten the room, absent of machinery this time save two or three mandatory ones and an IV bag. Tretij turned his head to stare out the slight crack in the curtains with a measured sleepy curiosity. His thoughts were jumbled and too hard to decipher, Eli settling for just watching him. It must have been an hour before he finally moved again, whimpering in pain as he situated himself to stare up at the ceiling, icy eyes peering out from between bandages that were tinted pink with blood seeping through underneath. There was a depth of tiredness and exhaustion to them that not even Eli could comprehend, such a deep longing and sadness there that he wished he could do something to fix it, falling into the lull of forlorn that radiated from the psychic. He closed his eyes and drew in a shuddering breath in unison with him, the sting of tears evident, and when he opened his eyes again they were making eye contact. Actual _real_ eye contact between Tretij and Eli and not just part of this dream.

He woke up with a start, sitting up quickly enough that it made his head spin and his stomach flip. Tretij still lay asleep across from him, small frame shivering with the effort of unconscious crying, sobs silent and raspy through the gas mask. The glass of the generic hotel picture above them cracked loudly and their connection felt uncomfortably taunt.

Feeling dazed and confused he just stared dumbly for a moment before scooching himself a bit closer. It took a few moments of collecting himself before he reached out and laid a hand gingerly on the other's shoulder. It wasn’t like he knew what else to do, there was only so much comfort one traumatized kid could give to another and it made him feel more inadequate than he had in awhile, his confidence faltering. 

Tretij was good at that, making him doubt himself and how he assessed situations and handled them, he provided many opportunities where violence or anger wasn’t a good answer and that was something he wasn’t used to at all. It made him feel weak and dumb, like a little kid again, but then again he wasn’t many years off from that in reality. His life and the genes bred into him had forced that on him whether he liked it or not and there was a part of him he often pushed down that felt melancholy at the lack of a regular life. 

He hadn’t realized it but he had inched closer, nearly chest to back, arm awkwardly looped over the smaller boy. If it weren’t for the fact that the contact made him feel oddly calm he would’ve recoiled harshly, it reminded him of the few times someone had gently tended to his scrapes and bruises from rough childhood adventures. Letting out a breath he realized he wasn’t holding he was thankful to notice the crying had at least subsided. It made him feel worse than he’d admit though, normally he wouldn’t care about something like that, crying was a weakness after all. But to be fair this was far from a normal circumstance, Tretij had gone through some horrible things for anyone to endure let alone a child. It made him angry to think that there were people out there that treated him in such a way, forcing him into a drugged submission and not caring how he felt or if he was okay. Treating him like some kind of animal to be poked and prodded at.

Then again he had only cared about the psychic abilities at first too. That made him no better than those asshole adults, his blood boiled at the idea and he silently promised himself he wasn’t going to be like them, couldn’t be like him. They were more similar than he had originally realized, both two kids who got screwed over by adults who wanted to use them for their own selfish gain and didn’t care at all.

Eli laid like that for a good while, feeling too awkward and embarrassed to put too much thought into what he was doing, so he distracted himself by taking in minute details of their hotel room. It smells slightly like cigarettes and mildew, the wallpaper was beginning to peel away from the walls where it met the ceiling, it had started to rain softly at some point and he had begun to drift off when Tretij spoke up mentally.  
_”Eli?”_

Embarrassment rolled off them both in waves but neither moved, “Shit, how long have you been awake for?”

 _”Awhile.”_ It wasn't as if there was a particular reason Eli should feel so self-conscious. It was only the two of them in the room and he didn't think Tretij was one to make fun of him for being a little soft and doing his best to provide some uneasy comfort.

“I’m sorry.” He didn’t know what he was sorry for, lots of things he guessed. Tretij pondered his apology for a little, almost too afraid to say anything. Eli's mental state was somewhat unstable at the moment.

 _”Me too.”_ Tretij fought back more tears but tried not to let those feelings show, he had already been far too open for his own good, or Eli’s either for that matter. It was too dangerous of a game for them to play, he wouldn’t forgive himself if he had another incident because he couldn't control his thoughts.

“I’m sorry you had to go through all of that.” His tone was cautious and hushed.

 _”I’m sorry you had to see it._ It was embarrassing, he didn’t need anyone to see him in such a pathetic state let alone Eli. What would he do if Eli thought him too weak to bother with anymore. He was very aware of the fact that Eli was not a fan of weakness or soft feelings. But it was hard to be tough all the time, Tretij wasn't a tough person. He had been so in the regard that he had survived all he had gone through, but deep down he was still a soft young boy who longed for kindness and recognition that he was good, could be important and needed and liked for who he was as a person and not just abilities he hadn't asked to be born with.

“Is that why you don’t like to eat?” The question caught him off guard and he was reluctant to answer it at all, not sure if it was some kind of trick.

 _”No, that did not help though. I have always had troubles with that. Food was not a luxury I got at home, even when father was home. He said I was lucky to get scraps,”_ He paused briefly, _"My eating habits are.. not good,"_

At that he could feel Eli’s anger growing for injustices that weren’t even his own, “How could he say that? Fucking prick-”

Tretij interrupted with his own anger snapping back, not meant to be directed at Eli, _”He would say to me ‘you are not worthy of energy of food, zakrslík’-”_ He sat up now, turning to face Eli with such an intense glare that the other shrunk away from it, _”Treated me like a dog, would say to me that I was just stupid boy, never any good, bad awful child-”_

The glass of the picture frame finally gave out, raining a shower of shattered glass down over the two of them as they fell into an uneasy silence, energy heavy in the air.

“That’s.. That’s not true. You were just a little kid, you couldn’t have done anything wrong.” Eli was surprised to find his own voice sounding so meek and faraway, paling at the energy Tretij gave off, so intense and filled with pain and vitriol hatred that he thought something else would surely break, if not his own mind. Their connection was pulled uncomfortably tight and thin.

He rounded on him then, _”How would you know? You do not know the awful things I have done Eli, I am awful horrible child,”_ He wailed, mental voice breaking, the mirror in the bathroom cracked loudly, _”All I am good for it hurting, vše, co dělám, je ublížit lidem kolem sebe!”_ Throwing his hands up in exasperation to highlight his point Eli watched in awe of his outburst, knowing the feeling all too well and lost for words. He didn't know Tretij was capable of such outbursts of anger and wondered if he himself was just as scary when he snapped. 

_”You too, Eli.”_

He looked up at Tretij sharply, meeting his eyes, overwhelmed with such a certainty that he himself sat up and grabbed the other’s wrists, “You _won’t_ ,” Tretij faltered at the absoluteness in his voice, “I can _feel_ it, I can feel it in my head- our heads. I don’t know what you did to me or how we see each other’s thoughts and feelings and memories but I can just tell, you wouldn’t hurt me.” Eli wasn't even sure what he was saying, the words coming out before he could even think of them.

Tretij was thankful for his mask, knowing the tears streaming down his cheeks would go unnoticed, _”I cannot promise you that-”_

“I’m not asking you to.”

They both sat back on their knees then, Eli still holding his wrists and both breathing heavily in the wake of the outburst, emotions too tangled and raw to separate who’s was who’s and everytime one tried the other would grab back on in a panic as their minds fought to stay intertwined. Slowly they settled back down and Eli let go of his wrists but let his hands lay where they were.

 _”I can not remember what it feels like to be wanted.”_ Tretij finally looked away in defeat, letting the last crumbling facade of mental barriers fall, Eli and him had grown too close at this point for him to be able to hide _all_ of his feelings and memories. The anger melted and gave way to some sickeningly depressive emotion.

Eli didn’t say anything but squeezed one of his wrists gently in some kind of agreement or motion of acknowledgment. It was true, brutally honest, something he hadn’t even admitted to himself. The air between them was thick with emotion and neither was willing to acknowledge it.

“I used to feel that way too, maybe I still do-” Tretij grabbed his arms this time and shook his head violently.

 _”No, I want you to be around, I would be sad if you go away,”_ There was a desperation there, an unstated question and an undertone of pleading.

“Well, I’m not going anywhere dummy, you’d be lost here without me,” His tone was joking and a shaky attempt to lighten the mood a little, taking attention away from the thoughts racing through his head and his shyness at being so open with someone else.

\---

When they had finally settled back down neither attempted to sleep, that was a far away hope with all that had happened. After Eli had carefully removed the top blanket seeing as it was covered in glass shards they laid back down. There weren’t any acknowledgements of their fingers brushing slightly between them, both aware of the fact that the other craved some form of physical comfort that wasn’t understood very well. Eli thought he might die if things went any further or got any more touchy-feely than they already were.

“Do you ever think about the afterlife?” It was the first question that popped into his head as an attempt to talk about something else, anything else, stepping around his unspoked and unrealized budding feelings.

 _”No, I cannot.”_ It was said so firmly that he had surely given that question a healthy amount of thought already.

“Can’t?” Eli visually traced a crack in the ceiling, “Is that some kind of weird spiritual thing for you?”

Tretij shook his head no rather solemnly, _”I am scared of death, Eli.”_

“I guess that’s fair, lots of people are afraid of that. Not knowing what happens, not getting to be alive-”

 _”No- I am scared that if there is something after death, a загробная жизнь, that I could never repay the debts of my sins.”_ He stated it as though it were casual and not a bombshell of a statement to drop on someone.

For a moment Eli struggled around a few words, tongue caught in his mouth and unsure of what to say, “Tretij, I don’t think that any god would punish you for things you did in your past- you went through some fucked up stuff.”

_”Maybe you are right, maybe not.”_

“I’ve been a hypocrite. I haven’t treated you very well.” The unspoken apology was received well enough and Tretij hummed through his mask.

_“I do not think so. You are good Eli, you are good friend to me.”_

The conversation lulled again before Eli spoke back up, "I did manage to get a bit of information. There's a chance that an agency I've heard Occelot speak of will be meeting with some government entity somewhere in the United Kingdom in a few months"

Tretij didn't comment but continued to listen.

"I think our best bet will be to move up there for awhile, it could be nothing but it's the only possible lead I have right now."

_"Will we have to walk again? I do not like walking so long, a bed is nice, the ground is not"_

"Oh yes so far, in fact I think we might have to walk for weeks to get there," the sarcasm in his voice was well hidden enough that Tretij groaned audibly, the pout very clear over their link.

_"But Eli.."_

"I'm only joking, it's a few hour boat ride from here to there, and luckily for you there's a lot of English speakers too."

Happy to hear that he wouldn't have to walk- well, float- for another eternity _and_ that he'd be able to finally understand most of what those around him we're saying he nodded contently. Though he was curious about the boat aspect, he'd never been on one and hoped it was something like the trains if not a bit more comfortable. So long as it wasn't an airplane he was fine with it.

 _"Then I would be glad to go to this place with you, we will find him yet."_ It was the first time he had actually shown any interest in Eli's goal and the other perked up at the statement.

"I hope you don't get seasick,"


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this one is a bit off and has mistakes too I haven't proof read it yet and had an awful headache while writing it lol

It had already been a strange and very stressful morning and the sun had barely even crested the horizon. Eli had worried that continuing to exert so much of his ability on remaining totally invisible was inadvisable at best and had to bargain with Tretij to convince him to try to blend in a bit more. 

At first Tretij hadn’t really understood the implications, not truly being irritated at the suggestion until Eli explained in greater detail that he would need to entirely change his clothes and forgo the mask. He knew in the back of his mind that he was right, it took too much energy to constantly remain totally hidden and there wasn’t anywhere to stow away on the passenger boat they’d be taking, he had no other choice really. Well, he did, as Eli had said he could stay here by himself- that wasn’t exactly something he had planned so he found himself being dragged through busy Paris streets to a thrift store. 

“What kind of clothes do you like? And don’t say the ones you have on.” Eli busied himself by sifting through random racks of clothes, not quite sure how he was supposed to find something small enough to fit a boy who could probably be knocked over by a stiff wind. Did he have _any_ muscle mass?

 _”I do not know,”_ Before Eli could argue he pointedly reminded him that his childhood had not exactly been one where he had many options for such a trivial matter. It wasn’t often that Tretij got embarrassed, not to his extent anyways, but when he did it was usually laced with a hint of defensiveness as though he could grit his teeth against the feeling.

Eli tsked lightly, “Well.. you look like a girl-”

 _”Is that supposed to be an insult?”_ He bristled lightly at the remark, not necessarily because he cared so much as the odd string of feelings coming from Eli as he scanned over a few articles of clothing.

“What? No, I’m just being honest. You’d be better off wearing girls clothes, go try some of these on.” Eli practically threw the clothes at him, random things he’d grabbed without thinking too hard about.

 _”Not here..”_ He looked at the mess of fabric and various little mixed in trinkets with a heavy frown.

“Why? We can’t take all of this back-” An overwhelmingly pleading feeling shut him up, tinged with a small inkling of anger, “Fine. Whatever, come on then.” Eli didn’t look at him as he walked out.

\---

Back in the hotel bathroom he stared at himself in the mirror, mentally bracing himself for what he had to do next. How long had it been since he’d taken any of this off? He couldn’t even recall the last time he got a proper look at his own body and the dread made him feel sick to his stomach.

Checking that the door was locked and that Eli was still not somehow magically in the cramped space with him for about the eighth time he undid the clasps of his mask to set it down gently on the edge of the sink. He made an effort not to look at himself in the mirror but couldn’t help flickering glances up at the cracked glass, catching small glimpses of himself while he struggled to shimmy off his straight jacket. Moving around like that made his scars ache and pull awkwardly, not doing much to help the mild concern from Eli’s mind buzzing into his own and giving him a slight headache. 

Once off he inhaled sharply, gripping the edge of the sink so hard his fingers turned a shade paler, and despite the meager amounts of food in his stomach fighting its way up his throat he met his own gaze in the mirror.

His initial reaction was to be startled, not recognizing the deeply exhausted eyes as his own. If he hadn’t known it was a mirror he would’ve thought it was an animal staring back- weathered and quick to snap from years of hardships, dangerous despite its size. He’d always been a sickly looking child but he thought now that he was possibly a brush away from walking out of the moral plane, skin under his eyes dark and unhealthy. Anyone else might have thought he’d gotten into a fight the way his skin looked so bruised.

Feeling a little more brave, egged on by curiosity, he examined the scars on his face. He was a little more well equipped to deal with this part as he’d seen glimpses of himself in Eli’s memories now and then from the time on the train. A particularly wicked scar did indeed crest his sunken cheek, mingling with intermittent burn scarring, the freckles that once bridged his nose were difficult to see under the mess. To be honest he wasn’t entirely sure how he’d gotten most of his scars, those weeks had been a mental blur and trying to drudge up the memories gave him a migraine that threatened to tip him over an edge he was constantly fighting to toe away from.

His hair was absolutely atrocious, to the point where he found it almost funny, raggedy red strands knotted and plastered together with mud and probably some old blood as well. One of the church ladies that often fussed over his unruly hair would have had a heart attack at the sight and he couldn’t blame her. Maybe that’s how Eli felt, he fussed over his own hair enough that he probably sneered every time he saw the mess that was his.

He got about as far as his ever prominent collar bone before he had to stop, catching a glimpse of the tattoos on his shoulders that never failed to make him feel like less of a human being. Hazy memories of needles and labs and machinery wafted through his vision. Trying to calm the thumping in his chest he shook his head and turned his attention to the shower instead, turning it on and letting the water warm up to try and avoid the thoughts. 

The hot water felt good at least, warm streams trickling down aching muscles and sore skin, washing away dead skin and blood that had been left undisturbed too long, he had to pick at certain patches to dislodge the decay and scoffed at the way blood got stuck under his nails and pooled at his feet before being sucked down the grimy drain. His injured foot had healed well at the very least, it was still far from being completely better but it didn’t ache anymore and it didn’t look like it would scar too badly. 

Closing his eyes to try and focus on the pleasant feeling he bid the bad thoughts about his appearance to go away, not wanting to tempt Eli’s prying any further. He honestly didn’t have the energy to deal with it right now, his trauma was his own and Eli could get over it for now. Though the curiosity could be infectious, Eli didn’t usually pry to make fun of him like others would have, it came from a genuine place of wanting to know more- specifically know more about him and for reasons he couldn’t quite pick apart other than it was not malicious intent. 

\---

Sopping hair laying on his pale shoulders Tretij shivered and leaned in close to the mirror, poking at his teeth and sticking out his tongue in a wary curiosity, not wanting to prod deep enough to bring up those self-loathing thoughts again. His mask laid idly beside him and he didn’t much care for the way it looked as though wide orange eyes observed him mockingly, cold, calculated, unwavering. He shoved it to the ground and huffed, blowing a stray strand of hair out of his eyes.

The clothes were.. Interesting, to say the least. He had never worn anything particularly feminine let alone a dress but it was about the only thing Eli picked out that he actually liked _and_ fit him. Plus, it was similar enough to his straight jacket that he figured he could deal with it for a few hours, a plain black swing-style dress. Obviously a bit out of fashion by now but what else could they expect from a thrift store?

He was thankful for the cape shawl that went with it, covering his shoulders and going down to his elbows, maybe a tad too big and making it longer than need-be, the cut showing a bit of his collar bone. Only a sliver of skin could peer out from between the end of the shawl and evening gloves, some sort of dark faux velvet material. 

Once pulling a few pieces on he examined his gloved fingers, stretching his arms and opening and closing his hands. He felt very dignified and fancy for a rag-tag psychic mishap running from who knew what anymore. It was almost relieving, not just the fact that they weren’t rubber medical gloves, but that he looked so different. Would anyone from his motherland even recognize him? Even if he didn’t eat or sleep well he had grown a bit and his hair was longer now, tight curls becoming a bit more wavy and loose now as his hair dried.

Looking back up at the mirror as he pulled tights on- not really caring for the way they rubbed against his scars- he noted that he did like the way the dress moved, it was airy and comfortable but still felt confined enough for him to feel a little safer, tight around his chest and flowing out the lower it got. Often he found comfort in the way he could curl into his jacket and liked the idea that he could achieve the same goal in this garment. 

When Eli interrupted his gawking by knocking on the door and asking how it was going he scowled at him mentally and told him he was working on it. Picking up the pace a little bit at the impatience from Eli he sifted through the random pile of small rags, clothes, and bits of fabric. He tossed aside a few patterns he didn’t find very flattering. Picking out a dark black cloth he tied it around his neck like the choker scarves he’d seen other girls wearing, grinning at his reflection and fiddling with it until he was satisfied. It did take him a minute, his fingers not very dexterous from lack of use and scarring, but the finished product made him feel proud that he could accomplish it at all. He didn’t give much time to the boots, not very fond of the weight of shoes and trying to ignore the discomfort. 

Staring at himself he was a bit amazed, looking totally different than before in a way he was pleased with. His father would have been disgusted and the very idea made him giddy. He swished the skirt of the dress a few times and pulled the gloved back into place before exiting the bathroom, feeling a bit cocky in his new clothes at the idea he was doing something that would have otherwise resulted in punishment. Perhaps the idea that he wasn’t really himself shed some of his anxieties as well. 

Eli was preoccupied with something on the bed and didn’t turn to look at him, “I found this hat too, well I stole it from the lobby but anyways I thought if I sewed this cloth around the brim it would help hide you face since you’re so weird about it,” 

He did turn then to hold out a black sun hat that would surely be a bit big, a sheer black piece of fabric sewn a little crudely to the brim like a veil of some kind. It wasn’t ideal but the effort was appreciated regardless and he took it gently to examine it further, not noticing the way Eli gawked at him.

 _”I did not know you know to sew.”_ He made eye contact to wait for a response and immediately had to avert his eyes with the overwhelming feeling of awkwardness radiating from him. They both sat quietly for a moment, heads turned from each other and Tretij left feeling very confused before Eli finally chanced a response.

“I don’t really, I know the basics of suturing a wound and thought it couldn’t be that different,” He cleared his throat and turned back to Tretij, keeping his gaze purposefully downward as though the carpet was the most interesting art of the century.

Tretij placed the hat on his head and adjusted it a few times so it wasn’t falling over his eyes before he held out his hand to Eli to help him up off the bed, trying to mimic the way Eli showed appreciation through actions rather than words. 

_”You are mad at me?”_ Eli took his offered hand, though really he just stood up seeing as he would probably struggle to pull him up.

“No, I just didn’t expect- I didn’t expect you to look like that.” He was already across the room, packing all the stuff they had scattered everywhere. Sometimes it was frustrating, they hadn’t known each other long enough and Tretij hadn’t known English or _people_ long enough to understand Eli’s motivations and actions without further explanation. Which was something rarely offered. 

_”You picked our clothes,”_ Rather than letting himself be irritated at the way Eli had been recently he made his way to the bathroom to grab his things, figuring it was best if he helped pack. 

“Yeah I know.” Eli seemed content to leave it at that, so they did for a while. Tretij decided he would miss the hotel, liking the smell of coffee even if he didn’t like the taste and the way people sleepily bumbled in and out. 

Once all of their stuff was gathered Tretij insisted on drawing a little picture on the ‘Notes’ pad on the nightstand since they didn’t have money to spare on tips and formalities. Eli was irritated at the unnecessary action and waste of time but came over to watch nonetheless and was somewhat amused and impressed with the tiny cartoonish sketch of them. He finished it by writing “Děkuji” in very sloppy handwriting, having to stop a few times to correct his grip. Eli had rolled his eyes and wrote “Merci” beside it in much neater and uniform writing. When Eli asked how his handwriting could be so bad if he wasn’t half bad at drawing Tretij simply shrugged.

\---

Of course it would be Eli’s luck, Tretij was in fact prone to sea sickness. At first he had been anxious and uncomfortable being in public without his mask, mind constantly on alert which was incredibly grating to his senses. Eli didn’t much enjoy being hyper aware of everyone around them. The break from it was short lived, the redhead temporarily distracted by the boats at the dock. His curiosity was a gentle prodding in the back of his mind, asking simple questions about the boats and making little observations now and then when a sea bird would come into view from where they waited on the dock. He had been excited seeing as he had never been on a boat and Eli had to remind himself that he was probably excited the first time he had ever been on one too instead of getting irritated with him.

Being on the boat was a completely different story though. They were fine at first, sticking to the back of the boat since most everyone else wanted to be upfront to watch out for their destination. They were probably five minutes into the trip when the novelty began to wear off and Eli became acutely aware of the nausea coming from his companion.

He had done his best to avoid looking at him the whole time, not ready to deal with the way he felt about him being dressed in something other than his doomsday attire. But now with the waves of sickness washing over both of them he chanced a look over, it was a little hard to see through the makeshift veil from anywhere but a foot or so away but he was even paler than usual beneath. He was gripping the guardrails hard and focusing on his own hands with an incredible determination that would have been funny in any other circumstance.

“You good there?”

 _”Yes, have never been more good-”_ The boat lurched under them as it confronted another small wave and Eli thought Tretij was going to either throw up or scream.

Eli patted him on the back in a friendly manner, “Is it the motion?” His question ignored the lies of being okay, they both knew he was anything but okay.

_”No- yes? The water is scary so the moving makes me think the boat will not work.”_

“The water? What do you mean?” They both stared out across the expanse of it, the dock far away now and the city growing smaller. Mist curled languidly over the dark blue water and the sun climbing higher to reflect soft light off of it. 

_”It is so deep,”_ He paused to choke down his nausea when the boat rocked again, _”I do not want to be in it, eh, утонуть?”_

Eli didn’t seem to recognize the word but the mental imagery got the message across fine enough, “You’re not going to drown, even if you can’t I can swim,” The reassurance that he would rescue him was unspoken but soothing enough, “Besides we went over a bigger stretch of water when we escaped the base.”

That appeared to startle him as he comically whipped around to look at Eli who chuckled in response, _”I could not tell outside of your mind, your thoughts were too loud then.”_

Eli frowned at that, “Ah, yeah. Sorry I guess, I didn’t and still don’t know how that works.”

Daring to loosen his grip a little Tretij gave him a soft look, _”It is okay, your head is different than Volgin and Skullface.”_ Eli’s mind was a pleasant vine of ivy that continued to grow against his, soft and fresh compared to the violent brambles of others’ minds. Even if the blond could be irritating and rowdy he would take nurturing their connection over anyone else any given day without a second thought, surprised anyone could connect so well with the icy barriers he kept stalwart around himself.

“What’s that mean?” Something warm had swelled in Eli’s chest but went without commentary.

 _“I do not know how to explain to you, it is just nice. They were angry and bitter, one focus, did not care for me but my powers. It hurt my head.”_ Eli was a little confused at that, knowing he himself could be very angry too as the psyching made a squeezing motion with his hands.

“And I’m not like that?” His question was cautious, only searching for a positive answer and not willing to pry out a negative one. 

_”No you are different,”_ He fell quiet and Eli thought that might be it until he added, _”It is nice.”_

\---

They managed, if barely, to make it through the whole trip without any vomiting or any other incidents. Though there had almost been one when someone tried to come up to Tretij and talk to him, but a conflict was avoided when Eli glaring daggers had been enough to make them turn around. 

People milled about randomly around them as Eli looked over a map he’d snatched from the travel directory, “We’re almost done, just a few more hours-”

Previously distracted by trying to cut out the torrent of other minds Tretij fixed an aggressive scowl at Eli, _”What? Are we not here where you wanted?”_

Eli ignored the nasty look he was given and began walking, knowing the psychic would follow without prompt, “No. We’re in Brighton now, we need to catch a train to Holyhead which will be a few hours. From there we’ll catch another boat at the ferry terminal to Dublin. That’s another few hours-” 

Tretij groaned mentally, _”Eli I am tired, I hate this, can we stop?”_

“It’s still early, if we make good time we can be in Dublin by tonight then we can stop.” He chose not to pay any attention to the people giving him odd looks for supposedly talking to himself. People here seemed groggy, less active than those in Paris. If the lack of strain over their mental link was anything to go by their thoughts were less hard on Tretij as well, many not even noticing him.

The aforementioned was grouchily following him, allowing a slight distance between them though not a significant one as they never strayed too far from each other in public. He kicked the gravel around his boots and huffed audibly, _”I would rather die.”_

Eli snorted in response, “Quit being so dramatic, hopefully once we get to Ireland we can settle down for a while. Then you can be a baby all you want.” Tretij stuck his tongue out at him even if he couldn’t see it. 

\---

The rest of their travels had been painfully uneventful to say the least. Getting on the train didn’t pose much of a challenge, the two of them getting better at sneaking into places they didn’t belong. By now they didn’t have to rehearse a plan, their minds melding together to convey what needed to be done and executing it without a hitch. Tretij liked the pleased feeling from Eli every time they executed a plan flawlessly, he yearned for that feeling and did his best to keep from treading into the typical irritation that was quite easy to disturb even if it had slumbered in dormancy for some time now.

Eli found the train ride more boring than Tretij who was enjoying the scenery outside, it had become apparent he’d taken an interest in comparing and contrasting the architecture of every place they went. Not to mention the animals. At first Eli hadn’t noticed the psychic’s interest, but that was when their minds were not as closely meshed, both still cautious of getting too close to anyone who could potentially cause harm. 

It was easy enough to tell now though, most times Tretij found an animal his mind lit up, usually in excitement and Eli would watch him observe the most mundane creatures as though they were some rare species. At some point they had seen a pelican and he thought Tretij was going to go try to touch it, absolutely fascinated by it. Normally that kind of unnecessary distraction would be frustrating but in a way it was almost endearing. A lot of these animals were probably new and foreign to him, it's not like it was hurting them to let him be excited and he had come to like the sudden spark of joy at things like birds and squirrels. 

The train had been entertaining enough for all the visual stimulation it had offered but the next boat trip was excruciating. Tretij had a better grip on his anxiety this time and was not nearly as sick to his stomach, managing to keep down a few small things Eli pushed his way now and then. Which, to his credit, he had gotten better at doing. It had been a small fight before, Eli arguing that he _had_ to eat and Tretij stubbornly refusing. When Eli came to terms with the fact Tretij had issues with eating and softened his arguing to persuasion and Tretij accepted that Eli was just trying to be helpful and look out for him they reached an unspoken agreement where Eli would wordlessly offer a small bit of food now and then without being pushy about it. 

They didn’t talk much on the boat ride, settling into their boredom and Eli half dozing for most of it while Tretij stayed alert and sifted through unwilling strangers’ minds for information and entertainment. Now and then he’d pass amusing bits of knowledge to Eli just for something to do. 

By the time they arrived in Dublin Eli had decided he wasn’t comfortable settling in such a populated area and they hopped on a random train headed the opposite direction and deeper into Ireland. Tretij was a little chafed at the extra train ride but didn’t argue. It was late by now and he was too tired for that. He would go wherever the other went and vice versa, though he wasn’t much of a leader himself. 

Both were irritable from their travels and their disguises had grown uncomfortable by now, they mentally agreed they’d change back once they found a place to settle but Eli oddly felt a little sad about it. Tretij didn’t push it. 

Eli had also become aware of how uneasy Tretij was about traveling and had started to feel bad for dragging him around through so many uncomfortable situations, “Is there _any_ kind of travel you like?” Not everyone was used to constantly being in motion and it hadn’t been very fair of him to just drag him around like others had.

He stared out the window in thought, faint marks from where he’d drawn on it with his finger obscuring the view slightly, trying to think of a good answer before he finally did recall a fuzzy memory from when he was very little, _”When I was small small child, during holidays, a man did rides where a horse pull you along. One year someone let me go with them, it was very nice..”_ They had seen a few people offering that sort of thing the further along they went, his interest peaking each time but nothing said.

Memories of a snowy night, everyone bundled tightly in layers of coats and blankets to keep out the harsh chill, snaked their way into Eli’s mind though they were missing bits and pieces as it was such an old and long forgotten time in Tretij’s life. He had been absolutely ecstatic at the sight of the horse, the coach lifting him up so he could pat the animal's head gently, laughing when it whinnied at him in response. 

Eli couldn’t help but smile at the warmth it brought to their mental link, considering the response weightedly. 

\--- 

The train dropped them off at another small station with signs for a place called Blackwood. Eli had him wait at the station directory while he ran off to do something he refused to let slip into their shared connection, being rather secretive about it. When he came back he didn’t say anything, just grabbed his wrist and dragged him along a little ways before they came upon a tired looking man with a shabby carriage. Tretij immediately perked up and ignoring both Eli and the man went up to the horse at the head of the ride. 

"We’re the last customers of the night so it took some convincing but he’s gonna take us out into the countryside a bit. He says there's a few farms out his direction.” 

Tretij only gave a brief mental hum in acknowledgment while he pulled off a glove and ran his cold hands over the warm snout of the animal, smiling behind his veil as it leaned into the touch and its breath made clouds in the chilly air. 

The man took note of this and patted the animal’s rump affectionately, “He’s too old to do much around the farm anymore but he likes pulling folks along. I think he enjoys the scenery more than our customers do.” 

Touching the horse’s mind gently to avoid spooking it confirmed that observation and Tretij nodded enthusiastically. Eli stepped up beside him and addressed the man instead as to not let them appear rude for their stunted and awkward conversation, “You’ll have to excuse her, she’s mute.” 

He nodded at that and began to situate everything for their trip, showing them where to sit, “No worries, used to have a friend whose cousin was deaf. Lad didn’t talk much, couldn’t understand that fancy hand language for the life of me.”

Once everything was situated and they were on their way Eli couldn’t help but relax. The steady rhythm and sound of their slow pace playing along nicely with the content and happy hum of his friend’s mind. He was a bit reluctant to provide kind gestures like this but was glad that Tretij didn’t bring it up and shove it in face with a million questions, instead appreciating it silently. 

\--- 

Luckily the countryside was larger here and there were many farms just outside the town for them to try to choose from. Perhaps Eli would have normally been picky and insisted they checked out multiple places but for the time being the two wanted nothing more than to find somewhere warm to sleep and Eli dictated the first place they found that would take them would be fine. 

He had wondered why they wouldn’t just hide out somewhere but Eli made it clear they were looking to settle and live something like a normal life for a while until he could find more information about the meeting. 

They eventually came upon a quaint chunk of farmland maybe half an hour outside Blackwood where they were dropped off and thanked the man again for the ride. Tretij gave the horse a goodbye pat on the nose and waved goodbye to him until they were far enough gone that Eli dragged him towards the farm in exasperation. The main dirt path led up to a sizable farmhouse and branched out from there. One side led to a barn and a few fields for livestock and animals and the other stretched out a ways leading to several crop fields and storage shacks. 

The grass here was higher and heavy with dewdrops, dampening their legs when they brushed by and made their way to the main house. Tretij figured by now any reasonable person would be asleep, the mood was high and bright in a star freckled sky, crickets chirping in the distance. 

_”Will they not be asleep? It would be rude to wake them.”_ He himself yawned and tried to blink sleep from his eyes. Sleepy now with the excitement of the carriage ride gone but still feeling warmed by the kindness from Eli. 

"Look at the kitchen window, there’s still a lamp lit so someone has to be up, unless they’re idiots who go to sleep leaving fire unattended. Wait here.” Eli had him stay a few yards from the steps as he went up to the door. When he had knocked a few times the porch light flicked on and the door cracked open and for a few minutes he appeared to have a conversation with someone before disappearing inside. 

He had panicked a little then, both at losing sight of Eli but also being left alone in an unfamiliar place. When his mind reached out for its other half he was met with reassurance and his pulse slowed a little. Not caring much if he got his dress dirty he sat down on the dusty road- if it could even be called that- and looked around for a bit. 

It was nice out here, so little light pollution yielded an unobstructed view of the night sky, one of the few things he had missed from his home village as shitty as it had been. He could sense the presence of animals around him, several different kinds that sleepily went about their night. He couldn’t place most of them but was aware the field closest to them housed a small herd of cows who grazed lazily. He liked how solid and calm they were, the ebb and flow of their minds soft and pleasant. 

Before long Eli came back out, lantern in one hand and helped pull him up off the ground where he was dozing off with the other, “There’s a small cottage behind the barn where the farmhands would normally stay. He said we could stay so long as I help out.” 

_”You? What about me?”_ The promise of a place to sleep had them quickly making their way to the cottage. 

I accidentally brought up you being a girl and he insisted that you shouldn’t be doing dirty work. He said you could help his wife now and then if you wanted. I didn’t get to talk to her yet she’s already asleep.” 

Tretij thought it was a bit stupid but regardless of whoever they thought he was he wasn’t going to complain if he didn’t have to do more labor intensive jobs. His father had made it clear he was too weak and stupid to do anything like that, he had barely been able to carry the firewood as a child let alone chop it or stoke the wood stove. He did however know a thing or two about cooking so maybe he could offer that, he would have felt bad staying here and not helping out especially if Eli was going to be doing so. 

It took a little shoving to get the door open, wood swollen in the frame where it had been left undisturbed for what was apparently quite some time if the layer of dust on everything was anything to go by, “I wonder why they don’t have anyone staying here to help.” Eli set the lantern down on the split wood table shoved in one corner. 

The cottage was much like a small house, the main room open enough for a kitchen and a sitting room, one bathroom in the back, and another door leading to a small bedroom. Despite the fact that there was a folded cot up against one of the bedroom walls neither made the move to go unfold it and set it up. Eli shook out the heavy blanket on the bed, coughing lightly at the dust strewn about in its wake and he opened the little window by the bed to let the room air out a bit. The cool night air felt good, he had never been a fan of the sticky unyielding heat in Africa, though the moon was a bit bright what with it being so cloudless tonight.

Tretij came up beside him to look out the window as well, giving a view of rolling hills where shapeless livestock wandered about. A little window planter with dead flowers in it caught his interest and he lifted one wilting straggler up with his finger and frowned. 

“You should get changed, that can’t be comfortable to sleep in,” When he went to prompt him about whether or not he was also going to get changed he was met with Eli simply pulling his shirt off over his head and throwing it to the opposite corner of the room. He rolled his eyes, Eli would jump at the chance to be shirtless, how was he not freezing all the time? 

He started to rummage through their bag, which had been haphazardly tossed onto the ground, _”Where is my-”_

Eli cut him off, annoyance in his voice, “You’re not seriously trying to put that thing back on are you? They’ll think you’re a runaway from the psyche ward and kick us out, there’s extra shirts in there. Heavens know you’ll swim in them.” He flopped onto the bed and kicked off his boots, watching them hit the bedroom door and fall to the floor in a pile while he received a glare from his companion. 

_”Technically speaking, I am that.”_ He gathered a few things from the bag and his mask and stumbled his way out into the darkness to find the bathroom, choosing to ignore how humorous Eli thought that was. 

When he flicked the switch one of the lights above the mirror blew and the other quivered dangerously before it steadied and cast a grimy yellow-orange light across the bathroom. He studied it curiously, mostly done in wood accents rather than the cold bland white he was used to seeing, little figures of farm animals carved out of wood decorated a shelf hung above the toilet. It made him wonder what Eli had been whittling before. 

He shed the gloves, scarf, and hat before peeling off his boots and leggings. Turning on the water he stuck his fingers under the icy stream, shivering and splashing some on his face and rubbing his temples. Going so long without his mask had given him a horrible headache he was just now taking full account of. Though Eli’s presence had muddled the sharp pain to a dull throb and kept him rooted, it made him thankful they had opened their minds to each other. Wriggling out of the dress and tossing it to the floor he gazed at himself in the mirror for a few moments, trying not to think too hard about it. He wasn’t in the mood. 

His feet were sore and he scrunched his face against the uncomfortable feeling of hardwood under them while he padded his way back to the bedroom. Eli was already in the bed half asleep by then but cracked open bleary eyes to stare at the small figure in the doorway, draped in a shirt much too large for him and the gas mask, “Are you coming or what?” Normally he would have felt weird about sleeping in a twin sized bed with another boy- it _was_ weird, there certainly would not be enough room for them to put some distance between them like they could back in Paris, but he found himself too tired to care for now. And hungry, first thing on tomorrow’s docket would be to eat, he decided. 

Tretij awkwardly shimmied himself into the bed, not fond of how cold the sheets felt against his legs, he didn’t take up much room and even then he could feel heat radiating off of the other, “Are you seriously going to sleep with that thing on?” 

When he sent a question over their connection Eli grumbled, “That stupid mask, I’ve seen your face a few times by now. I’m not going to make fun of you,” When he felt doubt and shame he sighed heavily, “You can read my mind, you know I don’t think you’re gross.” 

It was silent for a bit and neither of them moved, eventually feigning sleep, until he finally sat up and undid his mask, aware of Eli’s gaze peeking up at him from the blankets despite pretending to be asleep. He tossed it onto the floor, trying not to think about any of it too much lest he freak himself out again and make Eli angry. 

At least he was honest with him, it had taken some getting used to and he didn’t really know if he liked the way Eli would stare at his face from the corner of his eye, but it was better than being made to feel gross and ugly. He could convince himself he was, but Eli was stubborn and his attempts had fallen short. Part of him didn’t think it was very fair, Eli didn’t have to worry about that so he didn’t know what it was like. It’s not like he knew much about attractiveness but he knew Eli’s wasn’t ugly of all things. He thought his hair was quite nice and was a tad jealous of his muscles, knowing his own pale skin clung to nothing but bones and made him look weak. 

You’re thinking too loud.” Eli’s voice was gruff with sleep but still gentle, not really yelling at him for it just letting him know he could ‘hear’ him. He flushed at that and sent a meek sorry over their link, curling in on himself a little bit and not completely sure why he was embarrassed about it. If anything it was Eli rubbing off of him, he was the one who was flustered all the time not him. Why should he be? He didn’t even get why Eli was flustered let alone himself, it was annoying if anything. Insects striated outside. 

\--- 

By the time he had woken up Eli was gone already, as usual, but their connection to him said that he wasn't far off. If it weren’t for the bubbling frustration and mild panic he might have ignored it all and gone back to sleep for a bit. 

They didn’t have much in the ways of clothes that fit him and Eli made a good point in saying he would have to make an effort to not look like a psychopath. He had to settle for a pair of slightly weathered jeans that had seen better days, tightening the little elastic tabs inside as much as he could to get them to stay put. As far as shirts went nothing really fit him here so he just bunched up the one he was wearing and tucked it so it fit a little bit better. It was passable if not a little uncomfortable as far as outfits went, the boots still his biggest grievance as he slid his mask back into place and tracked down Eli. 

He and what was presumably the owner of the farm were in the barn, cornering a horse against the back wall. Turning the man’s mind away from the fact that he was wearing a gas mask of all things he came up beside Eli, not happy to see the panicked animal trying to back further away from everyone. 

_”What is going on?”_ Panic aside it was a very pretty horse, large in stature with lean muscles rippling under shiny black fur, she stomped angrily and pressed as close to the wall as she could. The man motioned for them all to back away a few steps before she tried to lash out at any of them. 

Eli ruffled his hair in frustration, “This damn horse won’t calm down long enough for us to figure out what’s wrong with her.” 

The man spoke up then, “People I bought ‘er from assured me she was the best shire mare they had. She’s been a terror ever since we brought ‘er back a few days ago, can’t even begin to train with the carrying on.” 

She snorted loudly at the farmer then, ears flickering irritably. Tretij pressed lightly at her mind to let her know he was there before poking around a bit. He took a cautious step forward and when she didn’t show any aggression towards him he laid a hand on her side, running his fingers down along her flank softly and trying to get some kind of answer. 

Leaning in over Eli’s shoulder as though he were whispering to him to avoid suspicion from the farmer he left her side for a moment, _”Her hoof hurts.”_

Eli pulled back and gave him an odd look, looking at the horse again before turning back to the farmer, “He- She says it might be the horse’s hoof.” 

“Ya think? Well she seems to like you fine enough, see if she’ll let you take a look.” He cracked a smile at Eli, “Sometimes it takes a woman’s touch, ay?” Eli bristled and chose not to answer that, watching Tretij kneel down by the horse’s forelimbs instead. 

The animal remained relatively still, calmed by Tretij’s mental persuasions that it was okay and he wasn’t going to hurt her. He carefully picked up her hoof to look at it and turned to the farmer to point out a large chunk of wood lodged up into soft tissue. 

“Well damn, it really was huh?” He looked him over for a few moments before laughing heartily, “I’ll ring the vet, good work, maybe you can give me a hand with the horses then since ya seem to be so good with ‘em.” 

He looked at Eli excited as if he were a child proudly pointing out an accomplishment, _”Horses, Eli!”_

Eli grinned back down at him and shook his head, “Yeah, horses.” 

Almost as though she were answering everyone in the room the mare whinnied loudly and butted her nose into Tretij as soon as he stood up. He laughed and ran a hand down the length of her snout. Maybe things would finally be okay for a while. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Awkward teenage shenanigans and fluff for this chapter :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all, hope you are all well 
> 
> Chapters may be a bit shorter or posted a little less frequently as my scheduel has gotten busier, sorry! Anyhow, thank you for the support as always <3

Life had fallen into a somewhat steady normality that thrummed warmly through Tretij's mind. Moss dappled buildings and the smell of rain in the air often accompanied sleepy mornings alone in their cottage. He had gotten used to waking up alone, using the time to ready himself for the day and appreciate the fact that for once in his life everything was, for the most part, normal.

Staring out the bedroom window and kicking his feet off the edge of the bed he held a small mug close to his body, savoring the warmth it gave against the autumn cold. He didn't much care for coffee or tea but would sip either idly if it meant his hands could stay warm for awhile. He hadn’t realized it until he’d endured warmer climates, but the cold often made his scars ache. 

Eli and the farmer- Samson, a gruff but well meaning man- were somewhere off in the woods today gathering firewood. He could hear the echoing of axes against wood and feel the comforting weight of Eli's mind in his. 

Decided mainly by Tretij and the farmer's wife- who they had come to know as Elinor- they were going to have a nice dinner together. Elinor was a kind woman, a bit outgoing and stubborn at times, but he liked her well enough. There were many afternoons he spent in the kitchen with her and some early evenings that they would simply enjoy each other's company on the cozy front porch. He liked that there wasn’t any awkwardness in her mind about him being a “mostly mute girl” as there was with her husband, she accepted it without much question and talked for the both of them. 

Eli said it was "old fashioned" to have gender assigned work but his village had been the same so he didn't mind a whole lot. He would much prefer the warmth of the stove to the bitter cold of the forest any day. There were many days the boys didn’t get back until well after the sun had begun to settle and Eli’s exhaustion carried over their link heavily. 

Some days he spent his time with the animals instead, coming to grow quite fond of many of them. His favorite by far was Asteria, the black shire mare he had previously helped. Eli didn’t understand why he enjoyed the company of animals so much but didn’t push it. Tretij found himself aiding Asteria’s training and before long she was helping around the farm too. Funnily enough she would allow him to sit on her back and sometimes she’d begrudgingly allow Eli to as well but adamantly and irritably refused anyone else. The others didn’t find it as funny as he did.

Much to Samson's dismay, learning that the horse had a name Eli was forced to inform him that Tretij had given a name to every single cow he owned and was in the process of naming the chickens and even the few stray cats wondering about. There were words in English that he liked from his time trying to learn and even if he didn’t know the meanings to some of these words he thought they would make fine names. Eli had to disagree when several of the chickens were named things like “Crime”, “Shipdeck”, and “Baseball”. Though secretly Eli found Crime to be rather amusing. 

Sighing contently he ran his hands over the hem of the simple dress Elinor had given him, apparently something from her youth she didn’t want going to waste. Rain began to fall from a gloomy sky and he noted with some rising excitement that Samson and Eli were coming back early to avoid soaking what they had already gathered. 

Their connection had grown steadier overtime but more rapidly upon having a somewhat stable life for once, nothing to focus on but work and each other. At first Eli’s mind had been prickly with anger and something likened to despair at something Tretij never really figured out, it made it difficult to navigate the other’s mind at all let alone in a friendly manner or open up his own mind. He had never had a proper two way connection before, one on his own terms anyways. As much as he had tried to keep Volgin and Skullface from the deeper recesses of his mind he couldn’t do much against the overwhelming pressure of their mental presence and was forced to submit to each of them individually. 

This was nicer though, especially once Eli had wordlessly promised to never use him like that, not again anyways. Tretij would have been a bit skeptical of this were it not for the thin webbings of guilt that stretched across Eli’s mind when he thought back on it. 

Though despite their improvement and growth Eli had started to act oddly. His thoughts became clustered, hectic, and confusing more and more often when they were together. Tretij was not the best at understanding and picking apart feelings given all of his past traumas and still struggling to overcome their grasp on his psyche, this made it even more frustrating as he couldn’t fully understand Eli’s moods. One feeling in particular had been present for a while now, although it had been much more faint before, a murmuring in the background of his mental noise that had steadily grown stronger. That particular feeling, while unknown, was to blame for the way Eli acted and Tretij desperately wanted to understand but something about the demeanor quashed his urge to ask about it.

While Eli was not nearly as testy and aggressive as before he did get snippy when he prodded at the feelings in his head and sometimes in the mornings after waking up. There was something different about the blond he couldn’t place, something that made him wary, but he still couldn’t bring himself to talk about it or ask. Maybe he would have before, but there was a new part of his mind built on their co-dependence that made him think should Eli snap at him again like he had back in Africa he wouldn’t be able to handle it. Getting yelled at was never pleasant but thinking about _Eli_ being mad at him made him sad rather than fearful. He knew Eli wouldn’t hurt him, that wasn’t something he had to worry about as he had with practically everyone else he’d met, but the feeling was not welcome regardless of that fact.

Some nights he would wake up from a bad dream to find Eli curled a little closer, face a bit softer, mind an inkling calmer. There wasn’t any benefit he could think of that Eli would gain by giving comfort, that had been made extremely clear when they first got to know each other, and yet moments like that had become more common. Maybe it was that his own nightmare troubled both their minds, or maybe it was that physical contact seemed to put them both in a cautious state of ease. Tretij was aware that animals used tactile communication to their benefit but wasn’t sure if humans functioned the same way. 

He had seen boys and girls doing this in the time they’d traveled, huddled close together or holding hands, projecting a happy buzz from their minds that intrigued him. But that still didn’t make much sense to him because while Eli had been telling others he was a girl that didn’t mean that he was, and tactile communication between two humans of the same gender didn’t seem to be very common unless it was a child and their parent. When he had searched Eli’s mind in an attempt to find answers it was a confusing mess, Eli seemed to have quarreling opinions on the matter that did nothing to help him understand better. 

\---

By the time Samson and Eli had finished up around the farm Tretij was elbow deep in finishing up dinner. The warmth of the kitchen is a nice contrast to the rainy cold just outside the window. Eli was perplexed to see Elinor sitting back and watching, putting her hands up when Eli shot her a bit of a scathing question about it. 

“Don’t look at me, she insisted she could finish it herself,” Elinor pointed to the food already on the table, “I assure you I did help, I wouldn’t make her do everything, but she can be as stubborn as you two are sometimes.” Tretij looked back over his shoulder at Eli and rolled his eyes.

 _”I wonder who I get that from?”_ He fished a loaf of bread from the oven, bumping the door back shut with his hip and coming to join the others at the kitchen table they all shared a few times a week. 

He was very grateful for the kindness the two adults had shown them, not only did they allow them to stay on their land but they seemed to have taken them in as well, treating them more like equals than two teenage squatters. Samson could be grouchy and rude but his mental prodding had shown a life full of many hardships that molded him into the man he was, he didn’t blame him for being grumpy sometimes. Thankfully it seemed that Elinor had smoothed him out over the years they’d spent together and he could even be tender sometimes. It made him wonder if maybe he was doing the same thing to Eli’s temper or if Eli had figured out how to do so himself.

Both the boys wasted no time in helping themselves, as usual much to Elinor and Tretij’s scowling, but everything settled into their typical dinner routine as usual. Bits of chit chat here and there and a few stories about the day, sometimes a comment about town or the impending weather. 

“You know,” Samson was not opposed to talking around the food in his mouth and Tretij scrunched his face at it, “Your buddy ‘ere cut himself pretty good earlier, probably gonna scar somethin’ awful.” 

Eli pointed a rather furious glare at him, having been tattled on, “I told you I’m fine I don’t need anyone fussing over me!” He turned to fix his gaze on Tretij, “It’s nothing, I slipped up with my knife earlier is all.” He noticed now the white cloth bandaging wrapped around Eli’s hand, tinted slightly red at the junction between his thumb and other fingers. 

Before Eli could say anything else Samson interrupted again, “Dunno why yah’d be worried about it, s’not like you don’t have your share of scars.” 

Eli looked at him in alarm and Tretij realized with a sick feeling that he had gotten so cozy that he’d forgotten to turn their minds from his face. He swallowed hard around the lump in his throat and steadied himself by tightening his grip on the hem of the dress skirt. 

He almost didn’t hear Samson when he spoke up again, “Been meaning to ask you how that happened, you know you can get makeup or somethin’ for that- _Ow!_ ” 

Elinor had leaned across the table and smacked him, turning a sympathetic look at Tretij who was staring owl-eyed at nothing in particular and fighting the urge to throw up what little he’d eaten, “Sorry hun my husband can make a right _ass out of himself sometimes_ ” The last part was said through gritted teeth as she sat back down and he mumbled an apology that was only meant to sate his angry wife and not really directed at him at all. 

Eli took his gaze off Tretij for a moment and scowled at Samson, “She doesn’t like to talk about it-” 

The rest of the conversation turned to static fuzz in his ears as he stopped listening entirely, instead scolding himself mentally for allowing his guard to drop. It was a mistake he never thought he would make again, the slip up with Eli and his mask being so startling. Elinor’s mind hadn’t given anything away but now delving into Samson’s mind on autopilot and without any actual intent he found something similar to a morbid curiosity at the sight. 

The sound of chair legs screeching across the floor as he stood up abruptly had everyone shutting up and looking at him, it was the last thing he wanted and it took every ounce of the crumbling composure he had to not teleport out of the room and into the drenched woods outside. Instead he cleared his throat and in a mockery of composure he looked at Eli and signed something fake with his hands while telling him mentally he was excusing himself.

“She says she’s excusing herself for the night,”

\---

It felt like both an eternity and much too soon when Eli finally came to find him. Tretij was sat on their bed, clutching the mask clipped back into place on his face and fighting a losing battle to steady his breathing.

Eli walked into the room slowly, taking great care to shut the door quietly behind himself before making his way over to the bed to sit down awkwardly beside the quivering form of the other. He fiddled with the bandaging on his hand as a distraction, “Are you okay?” 

Tretij must have sensed him look up at him because he viciously curled in on himself further and snapped back, _”Don’t look at me,”_ even in the odd mental voice his words trembled and fell short of the anger they were meant to convey. 

Eli could feel the self loathing so strongly in their headspace that for a moment he was struck by a sudden urge to mourn his own scars and imperfections. He shook the feeling as best as he could and set his jaw against it, “Samson isn’t the smartest man, I don’t think he meant to hurt your feelings.”

At first he only huffed in response and continued to pick at the sides of his mask anxiously, “They aren’t that bad anyways-” Tretij whirled back around to face him then and made a sound that was most likely a strangled and half-hearted laugh.

 _”No he is right, they are bad, валовой, I am stupid for not being careful,”_

Eli frowned at him, tinges of anger in his voice, “None of that is true! You’re being ridiculous-”

He cut him off and put a finger in his face, _”No you are being the ridi-culus,”_

“What? No its ri-dicu- _lous_ not ridi-culus,” Eli was yelling back at him, although not out of anger, but irritation at being argued with and especially about that of all things.

Tretij just stared at him dumbly, both falling into a tense silence before he began to laugh. Eli laughed awkwardly too until the laughing turned into crying. Not good at handling these situations he only watched him for a moment, weighing options in his mind and then acting against his better judgment he reached up and placed his hands on either side of the gas mask. 

They both stopped, either one could have been mistaken for a cornered animal, hearts in their throats and neither willing to move for fear of the other lashing out. They stayed like that for an excruciating minute before Eli trailed his fingers back along the straps of the mask, leaning forward to reach the clasps that he undid with shaky fingers.

When the mask fell away Tretij stared up at him with wide eyes, cheeks rosy and tear stained. Eli stared back openly before turning sharply away out of embarrassment. When Tretij shrunk away from Eli’s reaction he cursed at himself under his breath, looking back at him and finally setting the mask down haphazardly on the sheets.

“I wasn’t looking away because I think you look bad.”

He didn’t answer for a minute, brushing lightly over Eli’s mind before daring to meet his eyes, _”Then why?”_

Eli’s face was red now, as it often was in situations like this, “I can’t tell you,” he gave him a sympathetic look, “Not now anyways.” 

That answer was pointed yet soft enough that it wasn't questioned but now Eli was aware of the heavy shame blotting out the rest of the feelings in Tretij’s mind. Any other time maybe he would have found it interesting that he only felt shame rather than embarrassment for being looked at but there wasn’t any time for that as he had reached out to grab his mask again. 

He caught Tretij’s wrist a bit harder than he meant to, _”I want my mask..”_ There was a heavy strain on their connection as walls began to build themselves back up, pinching off veins where their minds melded together and causing sharp stabbing pains behind his eyes that had him gritting his teeth.

Eli held his grip and shook his head no, which earned him an irritated, bordering on aggressive, glare. Tretij was about to say something but was cut off by Eli grabbing his other wrist in some odd substitute of holding hands, “Don’t shut me out again,” Eli pulled his wrists closer and leveled his gaze at him, “Please.” 

He wouldn’t admit it, never could, but he needed their bond. He had grown dependent on it, had grown to enjoy the constant company, the comfort of knowing there was someone always in his corner, someone that wouldn’t blatantly lie to his face. Everything he knew to be true now resided in the odd psychic boy from lands he’d never seen, and while he couldn’t bring himself to say it, he couldn’t go back to a time before him. 

But speaking was different than showing and with some reluctance he opened his mind up to him, offering his feelings about their symbiosis and how important Tretij was to him despite how weak and vulnerable it made him feel. Perhaps it was overly dramatic but he had not felt this vulnerable since their last moments in his patchwork kingdom. 

He was aware of the rifling in his mind, but it wasn’t greedy and it wasn’t malicious, instead very tender and soft as if afraid to cause damage by prodding too hard. That was something he appreciated about the younger boy, there was always a consideration for his well being in his actions even if Eli had admittedly been a bit unfair to him. 

There was a warm reciprocation of that blossoming feeling that slinked its way into his mind as the barriers were once again dropped, albeit a little warrily and slowly. Instead of saying anything Tretij settled for taking Eli’s injured hand in both of his, gently shaking off his grip, and looking intently at the bandaging. He placed their palms together with a little pressure and searched his mind for any pain response, _”Does it hurt?”_

Without answering and without allowing himself to actually think about it because he knew if he thought about it he’d never go through with it, he linked his own fingers between his and closed their hands together. Tretij stared at him, not sure of what he was supposed to do or what kind of response that was and became even more confused when Eli waited on some kind of consent for him. Confused but curious he prompted Eli to continue what he was doing and watched Eli thumb gently over old burns on the side of his hand. 

Tretij didn’t really like the fact that Eli was thinking about and observing the mishmash of scar tissue marring his skin but didn’t pull away, rather watching incredulously as Eli brought his hand to his mouth and placed a chaste kiss on the worst of the scars on his knuckles. The furious bashfulness from Eli was enough to put him in a dazed stupor. His mouth worked around words he wouldn’t even speak verbally if he found them, flexing his fingers in the careful and shy grip.

Eli’s hands were rough under the pads of his fingers, calloused from years of difficulties and work. He realized suddenly that he wished his own hands were softer, prettier, nicer under Eli’s touch but knew with an ounce of remorse that they were also rough but from years of abuse and injury. In a lot of ways they were more similar than either realized but the comparisons weren’t entirely lost on them at the discretion of their mental bond allowing such thoughts to trickle over. 

Pulling back and looking away in that now so familiar shyness at intimacies like this Eli grimaced, “I don’t care about your hands being messed up or I wouldn’t have done that- but don’t expect me to do that again either,” Despite his words he didn’t let go of his hand, “I’m just being nice, its- its not anything big, I mean it's not a big deal, you know what I mean-” Backpedaling to explain himself he failed to realize Tretij had began to look too deeply into the meaning of his words and pick them apart. 

_”Does that mean you would do that to my face too, then?”_ The question earned him the loss of their contact as Eli reeled backwards, nearly throwing himself off the bed in the process. 

His thoughts raced quickly for a way to deflect without also unintentionally hurting his feelings but awkwardness and pride won out with an abashed, “No! I’m not- I mean-”

Tretij raised his hand to touch his face in a doleful manner, not wanting to be the subject to Eli’s confusing mind in that moment. The whiplash of kind gestures and affection warring with discomfort and coarse words had him perturbed as before. If there was anything he did not grasp in this world it was Eli’s feelings. 

Eli stood up with a dramatic groan and rubbed at his temples, “Nooo, that doesn’t mean I think your face is ‘bad’ I just, that’s not a thing people do.”

_”Yes it is? We see people doing that before.”_

Eli gaped at him in exasperation and pinched the bridge of his nose, “Yes I know, I mean only boyfriends and girlfriends do that, or husbands and wives.”

Tretij thought about this for a second, _“What is boysfriends and girlsfriends?”_ He was genuinely curious, he did know what a husband and wife were obviously but not the aforementioned. And why did they do the thing then if they were not married? Then again, he was not entirely sure of the purpose behind husbands and wives doing that except for a very general concept of something called “love” that was supposedly a big part of being married, or maybe it was part of being allowed to be married? 

“For fuck’s sake Tretij,” Eli sat on the edge of the bed, back to him, and stared at a split in the floorboards where cold air leaked in, “Do you really not know or are you trying to get a rise out of me?”

_”A rise? I do not understand.”_

Eli chuckled to himself in disbelief, “You really _don’t_ know, you’re more sheltered than I thought. You really must be a little kid, how old are you?”

_”Ehh, not good at numbers. Пятнадцать?”_

There was a minute of silence as Eli tried to figure out what that meant but shook his head, “I don’t know those words. Do you know how to say any numbers in English?”

He crawled across the bed to rest on the edge with Eli and shook his head, _”One through ten.”_

That seemed to get them somewhere because Eli hummed and held both his hands open, “I’m sixteen so I’m ten-” He spread his finger in emphasis, “And six,” He put down four of his fingers, “Sixteen.” 

Understanding what he was trying to get across he wormed up so he was laying close enough to the side of the bed his arms would stretch over the edge for Eli to see, _”I am ten-”_ He opened both his hands and then closed one, _”Ten-five years.”_ Pleased with himself he nodded in affirmation, redoing the hand motions a few times. 

Eli turned his head just enough to look at him from the corner of his eye, “No way, there’s no way you’re fifteen.”

 _”Yes-huh! I am five-ten, I know from the lab, Eli.”_

Ignoring the quick pang of disgust at the thought of the lab they continued, “Okay so you’re older than I thought but I still can’t believe you don’t know what a boyfriend or girlfriend is.”

_”Well I do not so tell me, then I do know.”_

Eli let out a heavy sigh, “Sometimes I miss when you could barely speak English,” rubbing at the heat under his cheeks he flopped backwards on the bed, “It's when people like each other a lot, then they get together and they are boyfriend and girlfriend respectively.”

Tretij scoffed at that and also flopped himself backward, both now staring at the ceiling, _”I like you a lot.”_

Closing his eyes and fighting the urge to scream Eli shook his head, “Not like that you don’t.”

 _”What?"_ He appeared to be personally offended by this and glared at the ceiling as if it had done something to earn his scorn, _”I do too! I like you a whole lot.”_

“We’re just friends, Tretij, it's a different kind of liking someone.” Outside the rain continued to fall steadily and somewhere in the back of his head he noted that it was going to be a pain in the ass to work in the mud tomorrow.

_”Yes we are friends and I like you a lot so am I not the boysfriends?”_

Something like melancholy strung itself lazily into their headspace from Eli’s mind, “Don’t say that to me,” 

Tretij sat up then, leaning over him and frowning, irritated with him and a little embarrassed at feeling so confused, _”Why not? Do you not like me also too? You say we are friends.”_

Eli cracked open one eye and scoffed in his face, “We aren’t like that, you’re not my boyfriend. Besides, its boyfriends and _girlfriends_ neither of us are a girl. It doesn’t work that way.”

Not wavering from his place above him he scrunched up his face further, _”That does not make any sense, why not? I like you more than anyones else could and I know you are the same, we are our only friends.”_

Sitting up now and brushing him aside, Eli rounded on him, an odd flavor of angry that wasn’t familiar, “That’s just how it is! We just can’t! Boys aren’t supposed to date boys people don’t like that, pourquoi rendez-vous cela si difficile?”

He didn’t understand French but he could feel the accusation in the words and he huffed defensively, trying to ignore being pushed out of the way and disregarded, _”Well its stupid!”_

Laying back down and rolling over to bury his face childishly in the pillows he pouted about it, mental voice usually mimicking a regular voice the words came across muffled, _”ʷʰᵃᵗ ⁱᶠ ⁱ ʷᵃⁿᵗ ᵗᵒ ᵇᵉ ʸᵒᵘʳ ᵇᵒʸˢᶠʳⁱᵉⁿᵈ”_

Eli wasn’t very amused by the display, “I can’t understand you when you’re doing that.”

Tretij pulled his face up from the pillows and stuck his tongue out at Eli before laying back down. Eli, already irritable and not in the mood for more nonsense, shoved at him, “Quit being a baby and tell me what you said-”

He sat up and whipped the pillow at him, _”I said what if I want to be anyway! People are already not liking me so why care?”_

He softened a little at that and thought it over for a moment before allowing himself to be angry again, “You don’t understand what you’re asking, just stop.” 

Eli’s mind was turbulent, angry waves against his own and hard to decipher, edging on his own agitation and feuling his discomfort at being made to feel dumb. Huffing and rolling over he made a point of dramatically covering himself up. 

“What are you doing now?”

_”Be quiet Eli, some people are trying to go to bed you know.”_

He rolled his eyes, “Fine, be that way.” With that he got up and left the room, Tretij feeling his presence move further and further away until it was only a minute hum in his head. He felt upset and disorientated, it didn’t matter how many times he went over the conversation in his mind he just couldn’t figure out the maze that was Eli’s thoughts or words. It took a long time to fall asleep. 

\---

By the time he woke up he couldn’t tell if Eli had come back that night or not, the sun well into the sky by now. He didn’t really have much time to realize that he had been woken up by the sounds of Eli slamming the front door until he was in the room, frazzled and anxious. 

There wasn’t any time to dwell on the events of last night, they would probably be pushed aside as if they never happened just like Eli did with most things like that, “I think someone is looking for us, I could have sworn someone was following me when I was in town.” 

Blinking sleep from his eyes and squinting at how bright everything became when Eli pulled the curtains open to look outside briefly, he sat up and stretched, _”You are paranoid because you do not sleep well.”_

Brushing off his concerns of being followed was easy enough to do when he was directly conjoined to his mental well being at all hours, Eli had slept better when they were roaming the wilds, kept awake now by odd dreams that were so heavily guarded by his subconscious the Tretij hadn’t dared to try to look in to them.

Eli immediately became defensive and snapped the curtains back shut, “What do you know about how I sleep?”

_”Just as you are aware of when I sleep bad because of nightmares, it is the same.”_

He paled then and was very suddenly reserved and quiet, “And you know what my dreams are about?” Eli squirmed uncomfortably under the psychic’s gaze as he felt prodding at why he was so quick to change his tone and become awkward again. 

_”No, I do not look.”_ There was a breath of relief and Eli was on the move again, ripping things in the room apart. 

“Have you seen my whetstone, I want to sharpen my knife?” Acting as though a few seconds ago hadn’t even happened he left the room to go look through the rest of their shared living space. 

_”No,”_ Floating himself tiredly a few inches above the cold floor he made his way to the kitchen, lighting the old gas stove and putting the kettle on the burner, _”Would you like some tea?”_

“You don’t even like tea-” There was a thump from the bathroom as something was knocked over, “but yes, I would.” He came back triumphant, holding the leather pouch that housed a smooth circular stone and some oil.

 _”Why was your stone thing in the bathroom?”_ Sifting through the cupboard- which he had to hover a little higher to reach the top shelves- he produced the container of tea, _”Which kind?_

“Mint grey please, and I needed to sharpen my knife to shave.” He looked out the window and up at the sky, tiny drops of rain pattering down onto the smudged glass, “No work today, everything is mud and it's going to rain all day, plus he’s going to town to do some business. He said he’d keep an eye out for anyone suspicious for me.”

Tretij wondered a bit absently about the shaving comment while fussing with the tea, _”I do not think you are being followed.”_

Eli chose to ignore that and instead pried open their shabby fridge, an ugly yellowish color. He was on edge today, unable to sit still for very long, “You didn’t eat much last night, you should eat, besides I’m hungry anyways.” Snatching the eggs from inside he set them down a bit too roughly on the table, turning to the stove then to light the other burner and set a pan down. 

Tsking and moving the kettle an inch further away as Eli nearly burnt himself on it he shrugged, _”I’m not hungry.”_ It wasn’t said with much energy, knowing it wasn’t worth fighting Eli on it.

“Yeah well you have to anyways.” With that he cracked a few eggs into the pan and broke them apart with a fork, looking at them with disinterest.

 _”What is that supposed to be then?”_

“Scrambled eggs, or something, doesn’t matter so long as they’re cooked.”

Tretij scrunched his face in disgust, _”That will be terrible, противный, and you will burn it like that.”_

Eli poked at the wet clump of eggs, “What do you mean?”

With a sigh he pushed him out of the way and snatched the fork from him, _”Just let me do it! No salt, no milk, no butter, no nothing! Bad eggs, ugh.”_ He ignored Eli’s pouting while he attempted to fix them before they could cook too much, adding in a few things here and there while keeping an eye on the tea, _”Would be nice to have doktorskaya kielbasa, maybe canned fish.”_

“Ugh, canned _fish?_ And you want to tell me about gross food.”

\---

They sat in silence over breakfast, Eli only paying half a mind to his food while he messed with his knife, sharpening it noisily in the otherwise quiet cottage. Tretij only poked at the eggs, not very interested in them and the thought of eating something so mushy making him feel sick. The tea hadn’t been touched. 

Last night weighed heavy on his mind and he worried his bottom lip as he wondered if maybe he had pushed Eli too far or said something to offend him. He knew Eli wasn’t just on edge from the paranoia of being followed, there was a certain amount of trepidation in the fact that he was so close to Tretij, something boiling just under the surface of his thoughts and threatening to bleed its way through the makeshift barricades. 

Something told him he shouldn’t pry, he was already walking on thin ice with the other and didn’t want to risk disrupting the uneven balance they had found for the time being, choosing to remain in the dark about the way his friend felt for his sake. 

“I should teach you how to use a knife, in case we ever do get attacked or something.” The knife made a small score in the table as its sharpness was tested. Satisfied with his work Eli set it down and slid it across for him to pick up.

Holding it cautiously and flipping it over a few times to feel its weight and observe the blade he sat it back down, _”I do not need a physical weapon, my mind is enough.”_

Eli shrugged, “Better safe than sorry, I’ll show you sometime. You can thank me when it saves your life one day.”

\---

The next few days were all about the same, Eli on edge about being followed and plagued by dreams that had him avoiding Tretij’s gaze, rain pouring down outside and soaking the leaflitter from Autumn stripped trees, mornings spent over a tense breakfast. 

Eli had shown him a few things about the knife, how to hold it properly, basic safety, how to sharpen it, et cetera. It wasn’t awful but something about holding a weapon didn’t sit right with him, drew up thoughts of being so indisposed that he had no choice left but to defend himself physically. It wasn’t as if he had the strength Eli possessed physically- and that was another thing, in the event he ever had to defend himself in such a manner, chances were that meant Eli wasn’t around for some reason or another and the very thought had him flighty and panicky for hours. So he instead chose to hover the knife a few inches from himself.

But the fear of being hunted down had Eli absolutely insistent that he be prepared for the worst case scenario. Which, given how calm everything had been, Tretij didn’t see happening any time soon. The only events to ever really disrupt their normal-esque lives was when Eli did manage to find bits of information about the intelligence group he was after and occasionally he would even get snippets of info about those he knew. Tretij didn’t like those days, they made Eli testy and irritable, pulled thoughts of anger and bitterness to the front of his mind and it gave him an awful headache as they both resisted the pull of hatred. 

Tretij couldn’t blame him though, there were people in his own life he hated, people he was disgusted to think about. But he couldn’t dwell on it like him, it allowed awful memories of death and destruction to claw into his mind and taint his emotions. There were still nights he woke in a panic from horrible dreams where all he could see was the death at his hands on display for him. The only good thing about nights like those was that his alarmed state had Eli acting a bit more calmly and gently, an attempt to soothe him even if it was stunted and poor. 

It wasn’t until they had been strolling through the woods one afternoon when the rain had finally let up a little bit that they had any real cause for alarm. At first the sounds of water droplets hitting the undergrowth around them and the presence of animals were all that was noticeable. Until the mind of another human blipped into the very outer tinges of his own, and that human was moving very quickly. 

_”Eli, we are not alone here-”_

Eli stopped dead in his tracks, eyes wide in alarm and hand already making its way to the knife looped at his hip, “Where from?”

He pointed behind them, _”That way, they are running, I can not sense much about them, too far, but they mean to do harm to someone.”_ Eli’s fight instinct wrapped around Tretij’s mind tightly, leaving him compliant to Eli’s will and words without either of them really realizing it aside from a small acknowledgment mentally from Eli that he was oddly calm in a combat situation.

They had pressed themselves tightly together behind a tree just off the path, Eli dictating that the best bet for an unknown adversary was to surprise them, capture them, and see if they could get any information out of them. 

Things didn’t really go as planned though, Eli not counting on the fact that Tretij was going to blink out beside him when he leapt out. The person, shrouded in a hooded cape to obscure their identity, was caught off guard by two children jumping out in front of them and they had to skid to a stop to not smack right into them. And this would have been a fantastic opportunity for Eli had he not been startled by Tretij placing himself directly into the line of danger as well instead of staying put, especially seeing as this person was incredibly flighty and not prepared for this type of situation.

In the few seconds that Eli had been caught up in being surprised the other person had pulled a gun on them, resorting to their last option first as they were obviously new to this whole thing, aiming between the two of them as if they hadn’t quite decided on a target. Fight or flight finally kicking in for Tretij he allowed his panic to slip over to Eli who buckled at the pressure and stumbled away from him in an attempt to clear his head.

At the movement the gun was pointed at him and in a split second decision at the quick snap of fear from Eli, Tretij mentally snatched the knife from Eli’s hands and propelled it with inhuman speed and precision directly into the stranger’s throat. The gun went off but at having been knocked backwards from the force of the knife the bullet went astray. The body hit the ground with a heavy thud and blood oozed up around the hilt of the knife where it was nestled deeply.

Neither moved for a moment, Eli staring at the body in bewilderment while Tretij finally came to his senses and snapped out of the mental influence. He closed the distance between them and grabbed Eli’s face roughly, _”Are you hurt? Did it hit you?”_

Eli blinked at him dumbly for a second before patting himself down in a half-assed manner, “I- I don’t think so..”

Tretij let go and breathed a sigh of relief, _”Good, okay-”_

“Jesus Christ,” Eli looked back over to the body, Tretij following his gaze, “You murdered the shit out of that guy.”

Realizing that yes, he had in fact done just that he touchlessly removed the knife with a sick sound and hovered it back to Eli without saying anything, gears turning in his head as he came to terms with what just happened. It's not like it was the first time he had killed someone but he hadn’t exactly meant to, it was a moment of panic in an attempt to protect Eli. 

He expected anger seeing as the plan was to get information from the person but Eli only appeared to be impressed with the action, taking the knife from the air and wiping it off in the wet grass beneath them, “I guess we won’t be talking to them anytime soon. I wonder if they were after us or someone else. Catch anything before they died?”

He picked at his own hands anxiously, _”No, it happened too fast, I am sorry.”_

“Don’t be, if they were after us then there’s bound to be more, we’ll just have to wait and see.”

\---

Having dragged the body further into the woods where Eli said animals would do the hard part for them they had decided it was time to go back home. Once inside Tretij had decided he needed to shower, feeling filthy even though he really wasn’t. It had gotten easier to go through the process, the mental hurdles and hoops about his body image getting easier to deal with and making everything go a little quicker. He scrubbed at his skin until it was red and patchy, trying to get imaginary blood off of himself. The mental hurdles of taking someone’s life had not, however, gotten easier. 

\---

By the time he was done Eli was waiting for him at the kitchen table, a kettle of hot water on the stovetop. He looked a bit sheepish, picking at nothing in particular on the table, two mugs sat close together a few inches away. He went and sat down too, pushing wet hair off his shoulders and looking at Eli with mild curiosity. 

“I know it's not easy, um, doing that to someone that is. And I know you said you’ve hurt people before and it seems like you have trouble coping with that.” Eli’s voice was quiet, measured, cautious with where his words went even as he trailed off and cleared his throat, “When I went to town and got this today it was originally going to be my way of uh, making up for being an ass the other day. And also because Samson was an ass. But I think it's even more appropriate now-” He trailed off again, pushing a mug with brown powder in it to him and getting up to grab the kettle. 

It was true that he was having a hard time not slipping into a bad mental state over what he’d done, only partially quieted and anchored by how nonchalant Eli had been about it, _”Thank you but I do not like tea.”_

Eli came back to carefully tip the boiling water into their mugs, only sitting back down after he took his time putting the kettle back and stalling some, “It's not tea, just drink it.”

 _”It's hot.”_ He watched steam waft up off of the dark liquid, barely caught by the low flickering light of the lamp, at least it smelled better than tea or coffee.

Eli huffed and folded his arms, “Fine, wait for it to cool then.” 

They sat quietly, Tretij a little amused by Eli’s impatience and fidgeting, wind promising colder weather whistled through cracks in the wood. By the time it was cool enough for him Eli looked like he was half asleep, but watched him through his peripheral vision as he took a sip.  
Peering over the rim of the mug at Eli he was surprised to find it was sweet rather than bitter, actually he enjoyed it quite a lot and he let his mind relax a little, noting that Eli also seemed relieved when he didn’t spit it back out in disgust as he had done the first time he tried a sip of his tea. 

“It’s, uh, hot chocolate, since you don’t like bitter stuff I thought you might like something sweeter.” He averted his gaze and rubbed his hands together, words bashful and low. 

He hummed contently and considered the gesture thoughtfully, _”I do, thank you, Eli.”_

“It’s not a big deal,” Eli mumbled into his own mug, glad that it was left at that and they both sat quietly and enjoyed the last bits of amber melting out of the sky. 

After awhile, when they were finished Eli didn’t really know what to do with himself, playing with his mug and watching the last bits of now cold liquid slosh around and stain the already off-white color. Tretij got up, gathering his mug and holding his hand out for Eli’s. 

When it was offered he instead took Eli’s wrist gently and laid a prompt kiss on the base of his thumb before taking the mug and leaving him flustered and bewildered to drop them carefully in the sink.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter is a bit shorter and the beginning is a bit sloppy so I could focus more on the middle/end >>
> 
> Also I don't proofread :)
> 
> Thank you all for the comments and support as always 💕

Eli's mounting paranoia aside, things had been relatively okay. At least Tretij wanted to think so. He was still acting weird around him and being annoyingly skittish about being in close proximity, having taken to sleeping on the very furthest edge of the bed without accidentally falling out.

Part of him wondered if it was something he did, still feeling guilty about upsetting Eli with his yearning for knowledge not too long ago. As usual, awkward situations were swept under the rug and Eli would staunchly refuse to bring them up or acknowledge them and he had even caught him fighting the thoughts when they did come to mind. Which could be funny considering he was mentally _yelling_ at them.

If he couldn't learn from Eli though he would just have to look elsewhere he supposed, no reason to remain uninformed if he could help it. By the way Eli poked fun at him he had come to understand that he didn't know a lot of what others his age might and he felt a little embarrassed about it. 

So it was over the cleaning and peeling of potatoes and carrots a few weeks later that Tretij decided to take matters into his own hands. At first it had been tricky to figure out how he could ask Elinor, his handwriting was basically illegible and it's not like he knew how to spell many words in English anyhow. He also didn't want to just project words into her mind as he did with Eli, and even if he knew sign language he doubted she could understand it. Not verbally speaking was becoming more and more of an issue but he was also afraid that by now his voice may fail him completely if he tried. 

Rather, he decided to hone most of his focus on making her think that he was in fact speaking, which was a little difficult to do as he'd never done it before and she was already mildly surprised that he was "speaking" at all. Though it was rudimentary and very dangerously close to falling apart, the facade did its job well enough for its purpose.

 _"What is a boyfriend?"_ He had made an effort to keep his eyes on the carrot, watching strips fall into the sink with dull thuds, barely audible over the crackle of the fireplace and the radio mururing from another room. Maybe he would be allowed to feed the scraps to the chickens and Asteria. 

She dropped her knife and whipped to face him, scowling deeply and lips pursed in displeasure, "Why are you asking? You're too young for all of that."

He shrugged bashfully, not wanting to admit to how little he knew, _"Eli said to me about it, but um like you say I am too young, yes! So I do not know about it."_

Her frown only deepened now and she put her hands on her hips, Tretij could feel anger bubbling under her composure for reasons he didn't understand and he was starting to feel anxious about asking, "Well, he needs to knock it off. He hasn't done anything to you has he?"

_"Done anything?"_

"Has he put his hands on you?"

He pondered this for a moment, wondering why she seemed so upset or would care about something like that. Of course he had, he had offered physical reassurance a few times now, mended a few of his wounds, various other situations had prompted physical contact as well. It's not like it was weird or anything, even if Eli often felt a bit stiff about it.

 _"Yes..?"_ The word had barely registered in her mind by the time her anger came to a head and she started to make her way to the door.

"That boy better start praying or I'll give him something to pray about-"

He followed close on her heels alarmed at the sudden change in mood and realized she was cross with Eli over his response. It didn't matter what he tried to say in protest, she wasn't having it, mind far past made up by now and bent on giving Eli an earful.

When they did finally find him working on tearing down an old stall in the main barn to make more room for a new one to be put up she was livid enough that her slamming the door open startled him into dropping a plank of wood on his foot.

Between a very angry woman staring him down, Tretij cowering behind her sending countless apologies over their link, and dropping a rather heavy object on his foot, he was speechless aside from the string of curses that accompanied his pain.

He looked up at her in confusion until she grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and hauled him closer so she could lean down directly into his face, "You want to tell me what you think you're doing?"

"Uhh- I- what? Samson told me to take this one down-" 

She tightened her grip and glared at him, not amused, "Not your job you daft boy, what nonsense have you put into her head?" When he only gaped at her, casting a quick look at Tretij who was squirming in place like he wanted to do something but did know what, she continued on, "Don't give me that look you teenage boys are all the same, dirty little cretins tainting poor innocent girls like her with your filthy thoughts!"

Something seemed to click for him and he glared daggers at Tretij, "I didn't do anything!" He shoved her grip off then and pointed at the meek form of the supposedly "innocent girl" behind her, "I don't know what she told you but we haven't done anything!" His face was flush and his voice wavered slightly enough that only Tretij could pick up on it.

"Then why'd she say you touched her?" Elinor didn't back down and maintained her offense, fuming at Eli over the misunderstanding.

"What!? The only touching I've ever done is hold hands! And.. and-" He faltered then, trailing off and ringing his hands together, suddenly unsure of himself.

"And what?" She didn't let him get away with not answering, grabbing him by the shoulders now and asking again. Tretij decided she could be scary. 

"And even then I was too much of a wuss to do it for long! I can't even hold hi-her hands without freaking out let alone _doing anything_ to her!" The embarrassment roiling off of Eli in sticky waves made Tretij take a step back, considering his words and piecing them together slowly, it seems as though he misinterpreted something along the way but the string of sudden emotion made it hard to think as clearly. Obviously his lack of understanding had created a problem.

Elinor began to quiet down at that, expression and tone softening, "I see," she looked back at Tretij briefly before leaning down to whisper to Eli, "But if you ever do hurt her I will hunt you down and make you regret it, God willing. I have skinned and gut animals much larger than you."

With that she cleared her throat and went to leave, but not before laying a gentle hand on Tretij's shoulder and telling him to call her if needed and casting a final look back at Eli. 

They stood a few yards apart just staring at each other in the low light of the lanterns and the sun setting outside, days were much shorter this time of year and cold was already seeping into the barn. Eli huffed and turned away from him, going back to what he was doing as though he was alone again, purposefully ignoring him. 

_”Sorry…”_

“Whatever, go play with your chickens, I’m busy.” 

Sensing Eli was not in any mood to have a conversation he let him be.

\---

If anything, they had grown even more awkward since the incident in the barn but Tretij was trying his best to get back on Eli’s good side. He made the effort to get up early with him so they could eat breakfast tomorrow, would bring back interesting things he found so he could ask Eli about them (knowing he enjoyed the opportunity to show off what he knew), and attempting to be more in tune with his thoughts. 

Luckily this appeased the situation at least a little bit, that and the approaching holidays had everyone in a better mood generally. One night over a small dinner of leftovers alone in their little home Eli chanced a conversation about his childhood for a lack of anything better to do.

“Did you celebrate Christmas, or do they do something else where you come from?”

He had almost laughed at that, shaking his head vigorously, _”No, no. Too poor for that, father did not want to waste the time on me too.”_ Unperturbed by the recollection he continued to push around bits of food, never too interested in actually eating much of anything even with Eli’s pestering. 

“That’s sad, I mean I’ve never cared about it much myself but people around me still made an effort.” Eli looked at him with pity, which honestly he preferred that he didn't.

_”It is not like I know what I was missing, it was too cold to go out myself then. I was sick a lot around then too, hmm, he say it is because I was- I do not know the word, born too early.”_

Eli nodded in understanding, “Well, we can do something then. I’ll get you something. I don’t have anything better to do anyways, everything has gone quiet. Probably because there’s too many people out and about right now.” 

He was a bit tired of hearing about Eli’s progress tracking down this group he knew nothing about, to him it was a waste of time and energy and Eli was always irritated when he pursued it. Of course the random person in the woods hadn’t helped anything because now he was both aggravated at lack of information on this group and his dad’s whereabouts but also anxious about being tracked down or something. He said there were probably a few people that would want him back, but not because they missed him or were worried, simply because they wanted to control him. At that point he would always go off on some tangent about it and how he hated them and would make them regret it or something- he honestly spaced out by then. 

\---

Tretij decided he liked this holiday, Eli and him had gone to town late at night when everyone else was asleep for the most part- despite Tretij groaning about having to walk that far. It was worth it though, to see how pretty the town was when it was adorned in holly and garland and little colorful ribbons among other things. Even being wrapped in layers of jackets and scarves and mittens didn’t entirely keep out the chill and he stayed close to Eli, trying to leech at least a little heat without irritating him. 

Shop windows showed a multitude of intricate items that continuously caught his attention, finding the different types of craftsmanship interesting even though Eli didn’t seem to really care about that. There wasn’t exactly a lot to do at this time of night except enjoy each other’s company, and so that’s all they did. Walking side by side through the town to look at the decorations and stores and have brief conversations about whatever happened to come up. Though at one point Tretij nearly slipped on some ice and from then on they walked with one arm linked, Eli tried to keep from laughing at how startled he had been and then how mad he was about it. 

\---

Days melted by a little quicker than usual, the excitement of everything helping time go by, rain turning to snow and blanketing the ground outside. It was on a very snowy day where they were stuck inside that Eli had produced a little box from under the bed and shoved it into his arms.

He turned it over and looked at it curiously before looking back up at Eli from where he sat, swaddled in the blanket in a poor attempt to keep the conjoined body heat in from last night, _”What do I do with this?”_

“It's a present for Christmas,” He sighed heavily when he realized that Tretij thought the box itself was the present and sat down on the bed with him, “You have to _open_ it.”

 _”Ah, I see.”_ It took some fumbling, fingers stiff with the cold gripping his joints, but eventually he did manage to get it open. Pulling out a little pad of paper he looked over at Eli questioningly who was looking at the wall rather than him. 

“I thought maybe you would like to draw, I’ve seen you do it a few times now and that will probably work better than dirty windows and the ground.” 

Feeling embarrassed at having shown any affection or care Eli remained quiet through the rest of their exchange, watching with a bit of concern as he opened other gifts of sweet foods and assorted random objects he had decided to pick up. Tretij could sense that he felt inadequate and worried, even with his own mental reassurance that he was very thankful and elated to finally be on the receiving end of a holiday’s festivities. Knowing how Eli could get about these things he chose not to say thank you or bring up his excitement, both settling for an unspoken acknowledgement of how appreciated it was and enjoying each other's company for the rest of the night, lulls filled with Eli’s amusement at the doodles of chickens in the fresh sketch booklet. 

\---

Tretij was not extremely fond of drinking in general, bad memories of his father’s ill temper had tainted the substance for him entirely and despite Eli offering multiple times throughout the night he had refused stubbornly. He was also not very happy with the idea of sitting on the roof of the tallest building they could find while Eli was this inebriated but he couldn’t find it in himself to say no when he had been so kind to him all night. Luckily he was able to get them both up relatively safely. 

The cold air stung against the scars on his face but this was a rare moment in which he preferred to go without his mask. Tucked away where nobody would see them, everyone else a sleepy mass of warm and pleasant thoughts, he could handle this for one night. Not to mention Eli’s insistence that he go without it, plans swirling in his head but too difficult to understand behind the effects of alcohol. 

Looking out over Blackwood he thought it was as if the little town mirrored the night sky, both appearing to be dappled with a mapping of stars. He quite liked the town all lit up with candles in celebration of the holidays, that and the colorful ribbons and wreaths of holly. Christmas and New Years were so foreign to him and he was grateful that Eli had gone out of his way for him, they could have just stayed home and quietly existed together but it seemed as though Eli had better plans. 

He was a bit tired though, more than a week of being out publicly was draining, but that wasn’t to say it wasn’t worth it. The food and festivities had been nice, in particular he enjoyed the music that floated through streets that would have otherwise been silent and the sugary desserts and candies. Eli didn’t really seem as fond of it, saying something about only celebrating Christmas because Tretij had never gotten to. But as the days crept on and the world grew closer to crossing into a New Year Eli had become more excitable. 

It was after waking up from a particularly bad nightmare that they had stayed up and talked in hushed and sleepy tones in the comfort of their shared body heat, Tretij going on quietly about his past while Eli listened attentively. When Eli had suggested he talk about some of the happier moments of his childhood he had said he didn’t have many. This was something that they both knew already but Eli had become upset when they began discussing things like birthdays and Tretij admitted to not even knowing when his was because it wasn’t something he and his father celebrated either. So it was that very night that they made an agreement to celebrate both of their birthdays on New Years Eve from then on, growing older with the very society that had hurt them so badly. 

Now they sat here, huddled together against the cold, watching the last few people scurry home to be with their families as the year changed. Eli’s mind was distant, unfocused. He didn’t care all that much, this was nice enough. 

“I hate this place.” Eli’s words were slurred slightly, and substance tainted sleep tugged at his mind.

_”The town?”_

“No, just- all of it-” He threw his arms widely above his head as if the motion made it any more clear, “the world is cruel, you deserve better.” 

Tretij hummed at that, _”The world is a dark place, but I love it,”_

Eli turned to him and scoffed, “You do? What about all the awful shit that’s happened, all the fighting, the wars-”

Shaking his head he looked back out on the town absently, _”You think of the bad things, you will think it is bad. What about all the good things? I like the sunrise, the sunset, all the animals and the trees and flowers and even the big water-”_

“The ocean-”

_”Yes, ocean. It is not so bad if you look at little things, Eli. Это красиво.”_

He huffed at that, biting at his lip, “I guess so,” Eli had never been very good at taking notice of the little things in life, let alone appreciating them. It made it hard for him to understand where he was coming from and did nothing to help the turmoil in his mind over feeling spited by his own existence, “Some things are nice I guess.”

 _”You think?”_

There was no answer but it was fine, they were fine like this. For the first time in a while since their argument awhile back both of them had let their guard down around each other. Perhaps that should be credited to Eli being drunk, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t enjoy this moment in which their minds came together without anything in the way. Tretij rested his head on Eli’s shoulder, fidgeting with the scarf around his neck while the other remained lost in his thoughts. 

Some unknown time passed and he had been falling asleep by the time Eli spoke up again, sitting up enough they had to pull apart, “Do you think I’m okay?”

_”Okay? Do you not feel well?”_

Eli laughed a bit too loud and shook his head, “No, I mean do you like me? I know I can be an asshole sometimes.” 

Smacking lightly at him for the self-depreciation he considered the question and why he’d even ask. It's not like anyone else had been particularly great to him; it wasn’t even a competition, _”I already tell you this, you are good.”_

Letting out a burdened sigh he stared at him intently, “I think you deserve better than me, I’m a bad person. I’ve done awful things.” 

_”I could say the same thing about myself, I do not understand why you say that-”_

“I just- I just think that you’re too good to put up with someone like me. I don’t deserve to think of you the way I do..” Eli’s thoughts had pooled into some sticky hot emotion that clung to his words like sap, his face wasn’t just flushed from the alcohol and he pulled at his coat anxiously.

_”Like what?”_

“I can’t tell you that.”

It was his turn to feel frustrated now and he crossed his arms in a pout, _”Then why even bring it up? You never tell me, always say that you can’t.”_

“Because I want to-” His words fell flat and he worried his lip again before sucking in a sharp breath and trying again, “I want to- I think I want.. fuck, I can’t do this.” He couldn't help but think of Elinor's threat in that moment, he really wasn't deserving.

Tretij scowled at him, fed up with constantly being told the same thing every time Eli got like this, _”Want to what Eli? You do this every time! You tell me you want something and I_ feel _you want but I do not even know what you talk about so how can I help y-”_

He was cut off by Eli bringing his face close to his, eyes squeezed shut tightly and face hot, if it weren’t for how abruptly he stopped they would’ve probably clacked teeth and Tretij stared at him blankly, as well as he could from their closeness anyways. Eli’s thoughts tumbled out of his mind in raw waves, unguarded and without any of their typical reservations and it finally clicked into place what he wanted. 

Closing his own eyes he bridged the short gap and pressed his lips softly to Eli’s who nearly pulled back in confusion before realizing what he was doing. They stayed pressed together for a moment, clumsy and awkward, unmoving against each other. In that time Eli’s thoughts were blessedly quiet, completely cut off and dead where they had stood before rushing back and he pulled away sharply. 

Eyes wide and blood burning under his chilled skin he nearly wiped his mouth with the back of his sleeve, “W- why would you do that!” His tone was some odd deviation of angry, accusing, incredulous at Tretij’s actions. 

_”You wanted it!”_ Not happy with being yelled at for doing what Eli wanted he shuffled backwards, his own face flush with embarrassment now and he made to look away when Eli grabbed his chin gently to pull his face back close to his. 

“You shouldn’t have done that, Tretij..” Not giving him time to answer he feverishly pressed their lips back together again, much more aggressive this time. And were it not for the drunk influence of Eli’s fervent and eager mind perhaps he would have broken it off, but there was an underlying gentleness in Eli’s actions and thoughts that kept him frozen in place. 

They were both stiff, neither of them having any experience to go off of but Eli seemed to know more than him and he placed one hand on his cheek and the other by his waist, keeping them pressed close in a greedy display of desire. 

It wasn’t exactly unpleasant, just brash and unexpected, especially the hand on his face that thumbed over his rough skin with an ounce of appreciation that was beyond his understanding. When they did finally pull apart they maintained their proximity, both panting for breath. It was especially apparent for Eli that he was out of breath for more than one reason. 

“Je ne veux pas me réveiller.” His tone was uncharacteristically broken and unsure, not willing to meet Tretij’s eyes. 

_”I do not know what that means.”_ Reaching up to touch his own lips questioningly and not really comprehending why Eli wanted to kiss him so badly when he had been the one to tell him they couldn’t do that because they were not boyfriend and girlfriend, he blinked owlishly, they were cracked and chapped from the winter weather and nothing about it immediately screamed enjoyable to him. 

“That’s okay, you don’t need to.” Eli swallowed hard and sat back on his heels then, mind betraying his composure and making it clear that he felt lost at the lack of contact and control, “I’m sorry.” 

Feeling equally brash and not wanting their night to be ruined now by Eli feeling down about himself he stubbornly pressed himself back up against his side, _”It is like you say about my scars, not so bad, it is okay.”_

He didn’t miss the sharp spike in Eli’s pulse but neither said anything about it, instead choosing to look back down on the now quiet town below them. Tretij held out both his hands before putting down a few of his fingers, _”Ten-six, like you were.”_

When he received an expectant look Eli held out both his hands and then put down three fingers, “Ten-seven.” They both held their hands out into the cold air as if to signify to the rest of the world that they were both a year older now. 

_”How do you say ten-six and ten-seven?”_

“Sixteen and seventeen, respectively.” 

Tretij nodded firmly and shut his eyes, leaning in to Eli’s body heat and shivering lightly against the temperature, their breaths caught momentarily in the air before disappearing, _”Father would be so mad at me.”_

He could feel the vibration of Eli’s voice from where he rested his head, “Why would he be mad? Not that I need an explanation to know he’s a right prick.” 

Instead of answering, Tretij half pulled himself back up to Eli’s face by the front of his jacket and placed a quick kiss there, stopping to search his face. It didn’t give much away until his look hardened and he returned the favor, this time moving his mouth a little more bravely. Having intertwined minds came with its perks and Tretij was able to relax with the onslaught of positive emotion from his other half, his own skin starting to feel electric at the touch and now taking note of the bitter taste of alcohol on his own tongue. A side effect of the permitted intimacy. 

Not giving much thought to the world around them they sat on the rooftop eagerly engaging each other, neither willing to back down and give in first, mostly due to their shared buzz. Eli had slowly begun to come more and more undone and every time Tretij met his kiss with just as much energy he was elated to feel the blond melt against him. Both were aware of their quickening pulses and how hungry Eli’s hands had become for more contact, quickly shaking off his wariness in favor of touching what little skin he could get to. 

Under any other circumstance Tretij thought he would have thrown up or cried or something, he couldn’t tell, he was too overwhelmed and flustered to think right. It wasn’t like he was used to Eli acting like this, normally so cautious and reserved around him. But now, now he allowed his thoughts to run a little more freely, and if it weren’t for his mind being mostly one track it may have dipped into a more dangerous territory that neither of them were ready for emotionally. 

When Eli’s hand finds its way up under his layers of coats and on his skinny torso he pulls away with a yelp which has Eli looking alarmed, “Are you okay? Did-” 

_”Your hand is_ cold _Eli!”_

And they both find themselves laughing at that, hard enough that they’ve hardly noticed the change in position that has Tretij on his back and Eli on his knees above him, long and scraggly hair falling into his eyes. 

“Je pense que je pourrais t'comme,” Eli’s words are so quiet and uncertain that for a second Tretij wonders if he imagined them, even if they were in a tongue he couldn’t understand. 

_”It is cold, can we go home soon?”_

That finally brings him back to reality and he yanks his hand back, holding it close to his body like it was burned on a hot stove. Cheeks dusted pink and eyes heavy with the need to sleep he only shakes his head in response. 

_\---_

Under the heavy blanket that smells like an old attic neither of them can find sleep in the face of their exhaustion. They lay on opposite sides of the bed like usual but tonight they’re both facing each other, eyes shut in mock sleep but knowing that neither of them is really. It's Tretij who inches his hand closer to Eli, searching out his hand. If it were up to him they would sleep a lot closer, it was always too cold for him to sleep very well, the cold made everything ache and hurt uncomfortably. He liked the nights that his bad dreams prompted Eli to move closer or even rest a hand on his shaky body. 

When his fingers finally find Eli’s arm his nails dig into the skin a little, _”I’m still cold.”_

Eli only mumbles and moves a bit closer but not by much, still desperately trying to find sleep but mind too alive with thoughts of just an hour prior. Testing his boundaries and hoping Eli is still drunk enough he too moves closer so they’re pressed together again. When there isn’t any protest he musters up whatever courage he has- pulling on his deeper desires for contact and comfort from a cruel childhood- he sits up just long enough to situate himself to lay his head on Eli’s chest. 

He feels Eli stiffen under him momentarily before relaxing a bit, “Was earlier okay?” 

Tretij likes that the vibrations of his voice are a deeper rumble from where he rests and he only nods slightly in response, admittedly a little on edge in case he’s taken his venturing too far. Eli doesn’t move away though and he figures its okay, eventually falling asleep. 

Now left alone with his thoughts Eli takes the time to consider where to go from here. Earlier wasn’t bad, in fact he really liked it, a lot. But it was wrong, at least in his mind. Things weren’t supposed to end up like this, weren’t supposed to go this far. It was becoming harder and harder to deny his feelings though, maybe it was time to come to terms with it. 

But little did he know that he was treading into awfully dangerous territory. His companion could seem innocent enough, and in a similar sense so could he. In the few months they have known each other their minds have not just melded together but begun to twist into something entirely new. For now the space between their link that they could share was small, infantile, as neither dared to tread too deeply should the other find secrets better left unsaid. But as time went on and they grew closer, nourished that bond, they were forming a ravenously feral creature. 

Eli was calculating, the leader type, never caught without a plan. This combined with the untapped well of potential devastation an emotionally damaged psychic could let off could be left to fester into a brutal force. It had happened a few times, clumsy and unsure in it's beginning stages, but it was evident enough. It was there. 

An ability for two to act as one, neither having to exchange so much as a glance let alone a word to act in perfect unison to fell enemies that should be able to counter them. And now? Eli was daring to step over that final wall and let himself fall into the clawed grasp of that space, because surely if he allowed himself to become closer to Tretij- to admit his feelings and push that boundary- it would only grow more hungry and more powerful. Admitting to himself that he did in fact have more than friendly feelings for Tretij was only the first step, the other ready to cling to any closeness within moments notice by his very nature alone. 

It was only natural that his mind would want to flex its wings, as though it were an insect straight out of molt and ready to test it's new limits. He had been too reserved for too long, powers yearning to blow off steam, and it wouldn't be hard with Eli's affinity for violence. 

Although.. it was hard to think of the malnourished boy sleeping against the broad of his chest as anything remotely close to dangerous. He had seen glimpses of thoughts and nightmares filled with vitriol and poison, the mind they stemmed from vicious and cold to the world it resided in and cursing whatever entity was responsible. Often these were nothing more than thoughts of fire and death but occasionally there was graphic imagery of a village blown apart and splattered in gore. 

Something about the way those violent images seeped up from the darkest recesses of Tretij's memory made him think that they were repressed and that he wasn't actually aware of them, a subconscious train of thought replaying devastation and nothing more. 

Eli wondered how Tretij could be so soft and gentle, the ghost of a child who played with chickens, laughed at cows, stopped in the middle of a conversation to observe something as insignificant as an insect or wildflower. 

Then again, it had took mere seconds for him to dispatch a complete stranger, and in a fairly savage manner at that. It wasn't like Eli hadn't killed before, that was to be expected of him in fact, scenarios set up to train him for his adult life and mold the growth of his genes into what they were meant to be. But it had always been clean, quick, effective, nothing more and nothing less. There wasn't room for error before he had ran away. 

The new prospect of messy agression, lashing out and biting at the hand of anyone they desired, is alluring to say the least. He had caught a beautiful little moment of adrenaline from Tretij, fear underlying but not strong enough to overwhelm the sensation of the need to kill. 

Maybe he should be more careful, a little more afraid, a bit more respectful of the power Tretij possessed. He'd killed a man without a second thought and had ravished an entire village and it's inhabitants. Not to mention the brief visions of large metal shreds scattered through a field, flaming wreckage and bodies surrounding him in the haze of body-fueled smoke and ash. 

The idea of what the others would think had him giddy, unable to help the grin spreading across his face. If they didn't fear him before, they would now. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tw for awkward teen intimacy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all, sorry for the late/really short upload. This chapter is a pretty short and pretty plotless filler chapter for the sake of my mental health and lack of time. Please excuse how rushed it is :') hopefully the next upload will be a bit better and have more plot and as always thank you all for the support!

It was hard to sleep in with Eli rummaging around the room noisily in an attempt to find clothes to put on for the day, obviously in a rush to leave and not seeing Tretij come to from his clump of blankets. He ripped his shirt off and tossed it to the floor, mumbling to himself about not knowing where anything ever was, the irony lost on him. As always, it was more than a little frustrating.

 _”Eli?_ ”

He turned sharply to look at him, startled to see him awake even though he was practically tearing the room apart, “Hiiii, good morning, I’m just getting ready-”

_”Why? It is early and Samson and Elinor are still asleep.”_

Cursing Tretij’s abilities- not for the first time- he laughed awkwardly and tried to shove down thoughts of the night before, “Just like to get an early start, you know how it is.”

 _”You are lying, what’s wrong?”_ Of course he already knew what was wrong, but asking was a polite courtesy to allow him to explain himself so he didn’t have to root through his mind for answers. 

Sighing in defeat he came to sit back down on the edge of the bed, cool morning air feeling good against his skin but doing little to ground his thoughts, “I’m just worried you didn’t like last night.” 

Sitting up and ignoring the amusement from Eli at his disheveled and sleep-logged state he stretched and gave a shrug, _”It was not bad, I said already. I am confused about it, though.”_

“Which part? I don’t even remember half of what I said.” Maybe drinking hadn’t been such a good idea for his scheme. 

_”Nothing you say, just why you want to touch.”_ Rubbing sleep from his eyes he idly used his abilities to pull the curtains a little closer together so the sunlight was less harsh while he adjusted to being awake. He was vaguely aware of the knot of anxiety in Eli’s mind and the sour taste it left in his mouth anymore. 

“I know you hate when I say I can’t tell you but I honestly don’t have an answer, I’m not sure of it myself. It just feels right, I’m sorry if you don’t like it, I know it’s weird and I really shouldn’t be doing it anyways.” 

Disliking the dapplings of regret coming from him he studied the muscles of his back quietly while thinking the response over, _”I am willing to figure it out together if you do not know, it is not awful."_

It didn’t have much to do with anything but he was becoming fond of learning the ins and outs of the person Eli was under all his stupid yelling and anger, body included. He was a bit jealous of Eli’s physical abilities and if his scars weren’t enough to make him feel bad about himself his measly build certainly was. From what he could gather back at the lab he had spent much of his life being malnourished and his growth would permanently be stunted, nothing much to do about it then. He supposed he should consider himself lucky that Eli didn’t find him repulsive to be around, or a burden for that matter.

“Mm, maybe.” And they were both content to leave it at that for now. 

\---

Some time had passed since their last escapade together and there was no further excitement from supposed spies or mercenaries either and Eli settled back into a somewhat nervous normality, going out of his way to try to casually work small touches into their daily lives. It wasn’t bad, simple things like brushing fingers and closer nights together, and the occasional deviance where he would ask permission for something a bit more intimate but nothing quite as grand as kissing or cuddling since new years had come and gone.

It had manifested a festering feeling in the back of his mind that was pushed away more often than not but never failed to catch Tretij’s attention, especially considering it had something to do with him directly. It was a curiosity and willingness to grow and understand that had him being a bit more nosey about how Eli felt and what he wanted. 

Though, it could be confusing, because while he would catch him thinking about kissing or other affectionate gestures it was with so much guilt or anxiety that he couldn’t bring himself to ask about it most times. Maybe it would have continued that way for some time were it not for the growing yearning and melancholy that grew in Eli after every minor intimacy they shared, it had him worried about his mental wellbeing and the negativity was starting to bleed over. 

So after some time spent having a (mostly one-sided) discussion with Baseball as she was was the best listener of all the chickens, Tretij affirmed to himself that he would outright ask Eli to act on his desires in a vague hope that it would help ease the clot-like blockage in his mind back to a more healthy flow of feelings. Everything else they’d done had been alright so far and he trusted Eli with his life, it couldn’t be anything too bad. Not worse than him seeing glimpses of his memories anyways.

\---

At first Eli had been caught so off guard by the question he’d nicked himself with the razor and dropped it loudly into the sink, eyeing the reflection of Tretij standing in the bathroom doorway sheepishly. The air was heavy between them for some time before Eli wiped the blood running down his face away with the back of his wrist- not taking the time to look and see that he’d simply smeared it and made a worse mess as the wound still wept. 

“What do you mean? Is this one of your bad jokes?” 

_”No? I want you to touch me, you want to so I want to know why. You have blood on your face.”_

Knowing Eli was pisspoor at taking care of his own wounds he stepped in to run a washcloth under the cold tap and dab at the mess like a doting mother, Eli grunted at the fussing and tried to pull away until Tretij grabbed his chin and set back to cleaning him up with a scowl that dared him to try to be a brat again. His hair was still wet from his shower and dripped cold water onto his bare shoulders and Tretij’s hands. Red ran down the sharpening angle of his jaw like watercolor. 

“I don’t know.. We don’t have to do that just because I want to, we shouldn’t do stuff like that unless you also want to.” The cloth stung against the cut and he hissed at the rougher scrubbing to get the last of the blood that was a bit more stubborn. 

_”I do, that is why I asked you. I want to learn about this thing you want, you worry too much.”_

It didn’t take long for them to end up back in the barren little bedroom like usual, only this time they didn’t busy themselves with getting ready for bed and instead Eli paced awkwardly while Tretij sat patiently at the top of the bed. Eli’s pulse and thoughts raced by too quickly to be anything usable for deciphering so he only sat quietly until he had raked up enough courage to also find his way onto the bed.

Nothing was said as they resumed the position they’d left behind back on the rooftop, something Tretij had caught him thinking about now and then when he felt a little more daring with his thoughts. Honestly Eli was a bit intimidating looming over him like this, it made him feel small caged in between his arms and legs trapped between them. The difference in their statures was nothing new. 

Eli studied his face for discomfort, not trusting himself to feel the emotions over their bond while so caught up in a shared moment, let alone one Tretij had initiated for once. Albeit, it was mostly out of curiosity and an eagerness to impress him, but he was willing to take any chance he had to push their boundaries a little further. Though admittedly, he did find himself feeling a little guilty that Tretij’s questioning came from a far more innocent place than his own. 

“And you’re _positive_ this is okay?” He held his hand up inches from the other, almost as though any unannounced touch was going to get him yelled at despite being told yes already. 

_”A hundred times yes, I am starting to think you do not want to.”_ At the wavering of concern and spike of self-doubt from his companion Eli backpedaled quickly. 

“No! Of course I do- I just don’t want to do anything-”

He was cut off by Tretij pulling him forward by his hand in an attempt to get him to close the gap and touch his chest but instead, caught off guard, Eli collapsed on top of him and had to scramble backwards to not crush him. 

“Sorry!” He looked up and met a tight frown that had him cringing, “I didn’t-”

_”Any other time you would already be doing something! Would you just-”_

Now Eli cut him off with a chaste and awkward kiss to shut him up, not trying to get yelled at or feel so embarrassed any longer. Their proximity was excruciating and his skin felt hot where he propped himself over the other. He cringed at his own actions. 

When he wasn’t shoved away or scolded for the action he laid another questioning kiss along Tretij’s jawline, then another lightly over the hammering pulse of his jugular, taking a moment to appreciate the fragility there. It was odd to think of him as such a frail and frightened animal when he knew just how much power resided in his blood.

It seemed as though Tretij wanted to ask a question but decided against it and only hummed quietly at the touch, thinking it over but not showing any signs of real discomfort. Feeling bolder now he kissed at his throat again and earned a head tilt to expose more skin. He was aware of the confusion but chose to ignore it and instead put a shaky hand on his hip, slowly sliding it up under the edge of his shirt to touch the dip of skin just above the bone. Tretij tensed under him but didn’t do anything other than look away, doing nothing to hide how self-conscious he suddenly was about his own body for the mutilating scars pathworking his bruised, pale skin.

“If you don’t want me to touch you it’s okay, we don’t have to do this,” His voice came out shakier and quieter than he anticipated and cursed himself for being so bad at this. In his own thoughts he was so confident. Violence was much easier than being this delicate, but he was worried he might break something if he wasn’t careful enough. 

_”It is fine, just different.”_ And in a sign of reciprocation and reassurance Tretij placed his hand on Eli’s chest. He didn’t really get it, didn’t understand why Eli enjoyed touching so much, but physical contact could be nice. It was nice to be so close to someone that made him feel safe. 

Tretij perked up a little and brashly smoothed his hand down Eli’s chest and as far as he could reach, _”You’re hard,”_

Eli nearly choked on the air caught in his throat and pulled away sharply, “WHAT-”

He scrambled half off of him, retreating to the end of the bed and stared at him owlishly, fighting to find the right words to say as Tretij sat up and gave him a confused look. 

_”Your chest, you are stronger than I thought,"_

Even in the dark of the room his flush was all-too-apparent, the amount of blood gone to his face could've very well turned into a nosebleed at this rate. 

"That's a bad way to phrase it in English.." 

_"Ah, what does that mean? I did not know, do you want to stop?"_

He had to stop himself from shouting no again, instead crawling back to his original position where he very delicately pushed Tretij back down against the pillows. He didn't really trust himself to speak at the moment, trying to recover from such a bold statement. Eli looked him over, amazed at his lack of understanding situations like this. There wasn’t any rightful way to blame him for it though, obviously he didn’t grow up very normally. 

It had been made very clear by now that Tretij didn't exactly like Eli staring at his face, not quite understanding that it came from a place of appreciation and not disgusted interest. He laid a hand on his cheek and brushed a finger over the prominent bone there, tracing a line where he knew freckles typically spotted up in the sun. 

_"Is it nice for you to touch my scars? I do not understand why you do it, most people's thoughts were very cruel about it."_

Leaning in close enough that his hair fell around their faces he paused to respond, "It's hard to explain, I guess I just don't want you to think you're gross. You're not."

Before he could protest he leaned in to place a quick kiss at his cheek to move on elsewhere, _"You still did not answer my question,"_

Eli hummed against his throat, not missing the way he squirmed under the attention, "It's inappropriate. 

Tretij glared at him despite the fact that he couldn't see it where he was tucked above his shoulder, _"Is this inappropriate? I'm going to tell Elinor."_

He pulled back at that, eyes blown wide in alarm, "No no no! Don't tell her, she'll beat my ass! We can stop-" 

He squinted at the sound of hushed laughter, _"I am joking. This is nice, Eli."_

Eli huffed, clearly not finding it as amusing but not totally dejected at the last comment, "You like this?" 

Getting a shy nod in response egged him on, both getting lost in the new experience and forgetting the outside world for the time being. Eli was eager, a little rough, clumsy, but Tretij could tell it was well meaning and would punctuate long stretches of silence from Eli with his own nervous touches.

It wasn't so bad, he didn't think, Eli's hands were warm in the cold of the room and he liked the way his fingers felt when they brushed his ribs. In turn he was rather fond of grabbing Eli's arms and feeling the lean muscle rippling under hot skin in moments of more aggressive passion. 

This had gone on for some time before Eli's thoughts became jumbled and hard to read, clouded by a sweet haze that often accompanied certain dreams he had. At first Tretij had been hesitant to indulge in that feeling too, seeing as he didn't know what it was, but Eli enjoyed it enough that it must be fine. And it was fine, it was pleasant and soft and made his own thoughts hazy and sticky, made his skin prickle wherever Eli's calloused fingers went. 

"Are you okay, you don't seem as.. weird about it as before." He reluctantly pulled away from where he'd been peppering kisses along the junction of his shoulder and neck. 

_"Hm..? Yes, it is okay, I am okay, just feels nice."_

And maybe he could start to understand why Eli had wanted this so badly, it wasn't bad and if he leeched off of Eli's emotions it was even enjoyable. Despite how rough and loud he was, his mouth was soft against his bruises and old wounds and his fingers were careful in the face of their hunger to explore. 

Heat had started to pool in his lower stomach as Eli because more heavy-handed, borderline pawing at him between exchanges, what once felt good began to feel like it was far too much and he pushed Eli off a little more roughly than he meant to at the overwhelming feeling. 

"What's wrong? Did I hurt you?" 

_"No I just feel weird.."_

He rocked back onto his heels to look Tretij over, looking to see if he'd done anything he shouldn't have or perhaps left marks that weren't intended, "What do you mean _weird_?" 

Tretij frowned and sat up a bit straighter, _"I do not know, I just do. My stomach feels like soup."_

"What does that even mean? Do you feel sick?" 

Frustration ebbed off his words, _"No I mean my insides feel_ slimy and strange." 

Eli appeared to ponder this for a second before looking him over once again, having come to a conclusion he awkwardly scratched his face, "Uh, that's normal."

_"How is this normal, it does not feel normal."_

"Um, it just happens when you really like how something feels, it's just what your body does."

 _”I do not know, I don’t know if I like the feeling.”_

“It- um, it can be better. But we-”

Despite his new nervousness he gave Eli an awful look, _”Do not say we can stop you say it too many times.”_

Eli repositioned himself carefully and frowned down at the pouting face beneath him, “It's important to ask. If you don’t like something you have to say so or else you can’t do stuff like this.”

Tretij rolled his eyes but complied, understanding a little better why it kept getting brought up when he felt the wave of concern washing over the embarrassment, _”Fine, I want to keep going.”_

Swallowing down his fears Eli brought his mouth back to a particularly favored spot on his neck, placing his knee between the legs under him. Arms immediately came up around him, hands finding purchase on his shoulders and nails raking down the skin there, “Are you okay?” He only pulled up enough to be heard, not wanting his face to be visible should the pink hue betray his attempted confidence in an effort to help and ignoring the sting of scraped skin. 

_”That was weird!”_ Not only had that been weird enough in and of itself but there was an itching in the back of his mind he couldn’t place the origin of. It was hard to pinpoint anything right now really, mind swallowed up by Eli’s influence and drenched in the fascination of exploring new emotions. 

“Bad weird?-” 

He threw up in hands in frustration and embarrassment when Tretij shoved him off roughly to sit up and would've had something smart to say about it were it not for the hand slapped across his mouth. Lagging a bit behind in the onslaught of new information it took Eli a minute to understand the situation until he could feel the presence of someone unfamiliar outside poking around different buildings through an extension of psychic abilities and a stronger mental bond. 

“Who is that?” 

_”Too far to know much but they are looking.”_

“For us?” Eli’s heart rate picked up in a new, heavier kind of way, one that was more familiar to their times spent running aimlessly through badlands and countryside alike. 

_”Yes, I think so,”_ Tretij shuffled himself up into a better position, allowing himself to focus on stretching out his field of influence to the best of his abilities and picking up on slight movements much like an animal flitting its ears in an attempt to hear the smallest sounds. 

With that Eli slowly stood up, almost as though this person would hear him or see him if he was anything but stealthy, “About damn time something else happened.” Nobody else but Tretij would’ve noticed the spike in anxiety coming from his words and thoughts. 


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tw for injury and bad mental states

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello sorry for the hiatus, I needed to take a bit of a mental health break. But regardless thank you all for sticking around and the support and comments, it really makes my day :')

Shabby barren warehouses were not exactly a favorable place to be but it would suffice for the time being, atmospherically if nothing else. Though what else she expected from a rag-tag “gang” composed of teenage boys she didn’t really know in the first place, it wasn’t often she was involved in anything like this. 

“So when are they going to be here?”

“Patience child, our fodder should be en route by now and they’ll follow our trail directly, you’ll have your fun- and I’ll have mine.” Her excitement must’ve flowed outward judging by the way the hickory colored snake perked up from around her shoulders, tongue flicking with its movements. 

Her hand came up to caress the shiny scales on its head and she found mild joy in the disgruntled look from the boy in front of her, people tended to be off put by her presence alone, not needing the help of the fairly large reticulated python curling languidly around her neck and narrow shoulders. Own tongue licking over gold capped canines she tsked absently, the impatience and eagerness from violence spilling from the other wasn’t a feeling she didn’t share but it was much less refined and far too gritty, against her mind anyways. 

The proposition of meeting another psychically-inclined individual was the only thing that kept her from abandoning the job all together, she was above working with teenagers. 

\---

_”You will get a cold…”_ Tretij watched Eli scurry around the room looking for things he’d previously thrown randomly onto the floor, fully intending to run out into frigid temperatures with no shirt and damp hair to fist fight an adult man. 

“It’s fine, we don’t have time for that- fine,” At the negging concern shoving its way into his temples he huffed and pulled on a shirt he’d just kicked out of the way, “shit, right it's in the bathroom.” 

With that he’d disappeared into the dark of the hallway and left his companion to sit overwhelmed on the increasingly cold bed which had once been unnecessarily warm. He pondered their situation for a moment and made a sorry attempt to quell his growing anxieties when Eli came back triumphantly with his knife, “Come on we gotta move.”

He complied and shimmied himself off the bed, hovering slightly over the chilly floor, _”But what if this one has a gun too?”_ His lip bled as it was worried between his teeth.

Eli turned just enough to give him a vicious grin, excitement beginning to roll off of him, “That’s where you come in. You’re more capable than you think.” 

By this point Eli’s words began to fall silent to him, doing nothing to breach the mounting nervousness as he remembered their last encounter with one of these strangers. It was bad enough that they didn’t know what they wanted or why they were after them, the first one had almost had a one-track mind in his attempt and Tretij wondered if this one would be the same, mind feeling distant and fuzzy at his mental prodding. More than anything he feared for Eli, he’d been the one who was shot at last time and he worried it’d be much the same this time around as well. 

Tretij could defend himself fine enough, mind going on autopilot to deflect projectiles and reflexes sharpened from enduring abuses in his childhood, but he worried he wouldn’t always be quick enough to protect Eli, especially with his lusting for violence leaking over and filling the gaps in his mind, tugging control from him.

By the time he’d snapped back to their current situation Eli had made his way to the door, but so had the stranger, seemingly able to pinpoint where they resided and slipping past the mental webbing due to him being distracted by his concerns, he was being too sloppy, _”Wait, Eli-”_

Everything happened so fast he wasn’t even fully aware until it was over; the door opening, surely enough a gun being pointed through the crooked frame, his mind sinking its claws into the stranger’s in an attempt to seize control, thoughts and memories of someone he never knew flooding his psyche, and a body hitting the frozen ground.

Eli didn’t say anything, just turned to look at Tretij who let out a breath he’d been holding far too long, inklings of memories wavering in his vision and disappearing much too quickly to understand fully if they were from too far in the past. He looked at the collapsed man on the ground, blood pouring from his nose, mouth, and ears from the pressure of the mental assault and staring blankly into their temporary home. 

_”I- I did not mean to.”_ He expected anger from Eli at having once again having lost control of his own actions but was only met with something close to concern. 

“I know.” It was obvious the man was dead but Eli knelt to check his throat for a pulse anyways before standing up and leaning against the door frame with a scowl, “Guess we’ll have to wait for information again-”

_”No, I know where he comes from.”_ Somehow he’d ripped the thoughts from the other’s head before the pressure became too much, now having to cycle through important memories and ones that were not needed. It wasn’t exactly enjoyable, Tretij wasn’t fond of killing anyone in the first place but the emotional toll only gained weight when he saw glimpses of the person’s dreams, desires, and livelihood. 

“Ah? You continue to amaze me, anything important?” 

It took a moment for him to respond, shaking dead feelings and thoughts from his head, _”He intended to take us to the basement of a store but I do not know why.”_

“What are we waiting for? Let’s go,”

\---

Something felt wrong, incredibly wrong, but not so much so that he could place the feeling anywhere particular. Eli had been eager to go to the store, the prospect of finally getting some useful information on either their pursuers or his dad enough to have him throw caution to the wind despite Tretij stating he’d rather not go at all. Even though they’d walked the distance, it felt like not enough time had passed and Tretij swallowed around the lump in his throat as they stared at the antique shop.

“Can you feel anyone inside?” He fidgeted in place, as if he were literally incapable of holding still for more than a few seconds at a time. Normally it would have been at least a little annoying. 

_”Five in the basement, they do not expect us.”_ His head hurt at the recent overuse after having not used his abilities much the past few weeks.

By the time he’d finished the thought Eli had already picked the lock open, shoving a little metal tool back into his pocket and creeping inside, knowing the other would follow closely behind even if he was apprehensive of the situation as a whole. 

_”I have a bad feeling about this, something is not right, Eli.”_

If he heard him he didn’t say anything, instead creeping around the counter to the only other door in the building. It was easy enough for Tretij to sway silently inches above the floor but he was surprised that someone as loud and brash as Eli could walk so quietly. He watched for a moment, noting how carefully placed his footsteps were, it reminded him of the feral cats back at the farm stalking mice and other vermin. 

“Do you think we could take them?” 

Tretij bulked at that and fixed a glare at Eli, contrast to his giddy expression, _”There are five adults, probably having guns. You are stupid to think that.”_ Even though Eli’s voice was barely above a whisper and his own voice was not audible to anyone but Eli he couldn’t help flinching at their conversation. 

“I doubt they’re any match for us, I’ve been trained and you can kill someone twice your size in mere seconds.”

_”How do you get down without them noticing? What if we make a mistake? We will be dead.”_

“You worry too much, do that mind thing where they don’t realize we’re there. You keep their attention, I get the information and dispatch them. Easy.” 

Eli didn’t give him another chance to argue, opening the door that was unforgivingly squeaky on its hinges and Tretij had to scramble to focus on the hum of life a floor beneath them. Their minds were almost too easy to lock into place, somehow they seemed relatively blank. One track in their thought process just like the other two had been and it only ramped up his growing concerns. 

He noted that Eli found it a little eerie how they stood or sat in place, eyes looking past the two of them blankly with the mental hold in place, it didn’t shake him from his goal however and he made it to the bottom of the rickety steps unnoticed and a little cocky for it. 

Antique mirrors lined the walls, leaning up against them when there was nowhere else left to hang them, the chipped paint and glass reflecting the two as they stood at the end of the steps taking in their situation. The feeling that this was a trap of some sort had Tretij hang back, not daring to take a step further while Eli began to shift about the room in his search for any scrap of information. Tretij watched the bodies sit unmoving, breathing and blinking aside, holding his own breath everytime Eli got within arms reach of any of them and doubled down on his focus. 

The mirrors unnerved him, there was no way for him to watch Eli without catching glimpses of his own reflection, wishing he’d had time to find and grab his mask now as he allowed his gaze to linger on his facial scars and sharp yet tired eyes. He hated how meek he appeared.

Eli stopped to sift through a stack of papers piled untidily on the table where the majority of them sat, half drank glasses of alcohol sweating onto the already shabby and torn papers. He scowled at the first few, tossing them to the ground without any concern, “Some of these are in Russian, I can’t read them.” 

Tretij didn’t make a move to pick up the papers and read them, anxiety spiking at the very thought alone that people here would have any need for text in Russian of all languages. His worries were cut off by the sharp twinge of intrigue mingled with worry from Eli, he could tell that the other was struggling around a few words, trying to figure out the best way to put something for Tretij’s sake. 

_”What is it?”_

“Ehh, it’s.. You- I-” He stopped and slumped down into an empty chair and ran his hand through his unruly hair like the weight of the world was suddenly on his shoulders, “You’re wanted by the Russian government, there’s a bounty on your head. These guys are bounty hunters.” 

His anxiety hit a fever pitch and he stared blankly at Eli, trying to wrap his head around that information, the severity of the situation, he couldn’t go back- couldn’t go back to the labs and the needles and the testing and the pain and the _loneliness-_

His hold slipped and suddenly the men around them shook off the dazed stupor, realizing with some swearing and startled looks that somehow two kids had snuck into the room with them. Not just two kids but the ones they’d been waiting on to be delivered. Eli being in probably the worst spot he could be in the room found himself staring down the barrel of a gun _again_. He made to put his hands up and was grabbed roughly by the man closest to him, which was enough to catapult everything over the very thin and very fragile barrier in Tretij’s mind. 

The sound of glass shattering was enough to mask cut off yells as every mirror in the room explodes violently, whipping wicked shards of glass into every body in the room, except Eli who even in the chaos and violence is still remembered in the back of a feral mind that lashed out in fear. Flesh is cleaved from bone and blood sprays the walls as it’s forced from arteries and veins.

Everything went quiet, bodies, blood, and glass covering the floor and leaving Eli and Tretij staring at each other like they so often did. Shards of mirror glistening almost beautifully in the dull lamp light. But this time the situation is much more intense, much more unhinged, and Eli nearly breaks their shared gaze at the manic flood of aggression and terror from the psychic. It’s only when he realizes that Tretij didn’t shield himself from the eruption of glass and is bleeding from several nasty wounds that he snaps out of it and half stumbles-half runs over to him.

“Shit! Are you okay? Jesus Christ,” Eli’s hands are on him, cupping his face, shaking his shoulders, but he doesn’t notice. In fact, he doesn’t even feel the pain of hundreds of weeping cuts, just stares past Eli at the wall of broken mirrors and loses his train of thought to the panic attack welling inside of him and blocking out any common sense or Eli’s concern. 

It’s only when Eli slaps him across the face that he comes back around enough to meet his eyes and not look through them, he puts shaky hands on Eli’s arms and closes the small distance between them to allow his spent body to collapse against him. He’s vaguely aware of how much he’s trembling and the smell of copper and alcohol in the room, it's too familiar, Eli says something else to him but he doesn’t actually hear it and doesn’t take much notice of the arms shifting him around to carry him back up the stairs. At some point or another between bouts of consciousness and disassociation he realizes he’s on the other’s back and he presses his face into the nape of his neck to bid back tears and the urge to throw up. 

\---

When he comes around again he’s slumped against the floor of the bathroom, the sound of running water too close to static for his liking and Eli is standing over him with a deep frown. Their mingled fear and Eli’s concern does nothing to help his nausea and he swallows down the food trying to work it’s way back up his throat, it makes his eyes water and his nose burns with how acrid it is. 

“I need you to help me a little, just lean against me.” Eli pulls him up off the floor and waits until Tretij’s arms are looped around his neck to shimmy off his tattered and ripped pants. He realizes he’s not wearing shoes anymore and becomes more concerned with where his shoes went than Eli’s attempt to hide his embarrassment at the situation. Tretij’s mind is such a jumbled mess and so open to him that he makes a comment about him being drunk to try lightening the mood a little bit. It goes over his head.

“You can sit back down.” He helps him slide pitifully down the wall to the floor, there's pink streaks from the blood seeping through his shirt. Eli pulls his own shirt over his head and tosses it on the ground, Tretij wonders if the blood on it belongs to him or not. The tiles are cold under him. 

Once Eli has his jeans off he sucks in a sharp breath and pointedly shoves his awkwardness to a deep recess in his mind, trying to favor the urgency of getting Tretij cleaned up. He helps him pull his shirt off, without much assistance from said redhead who only becomes disgruntled at the chilly air against his skin and half-heartedly slaps at Eli for his efforts. 

The world spins when he’s pulled from the floor again and helped to the shower, not really making much effort to help, too caught up in his own head and the way his anxiety makes everything seem far off and distant. Maybe he’s dreaming again, elsewise he’d probably have been shut in the bathroom to fend for himself. 

It is _very_ real he realizes when hot water hits his wounds and his whole body feels white hot with stinging pain, blood more reminiscent of watercolor cascades down his legs and he watches it pool at his feet before slinking its way down the drain. He lifts an arm to examine the cuts and gets scolded when he picks at one, now aware that Eli is also there and was not a figment of his panicked mind desperate for reassurance and comfort. 

“Don’t mess with them, you’re lucky they aren’t that deep. I think you were far enough away and self aware enough to be protected from the brunt of the damage.” Eli takes both of his wrists gingerly to look his arms over, “It’s more like a bunch of paper cuts, a bit worse.” 

Tretij looks at him dumbly then back down at himself, pulling his hands back to run them over his own ribs which ache with the fresh wounds. He lets himself disassociate again as Eli sets to scrubbing at the cuts, face set in a grimace. He hates how his briefs stick to his thighs now that they’re soaked.

He doesn’t know how much time has passed when Eli speaks up again, “What are these?” 

_”Hm?”_

Eli pokes at one of the tattoos on his upper arm and Tretij openly lets his disappointment flow between them at having realized they weren’t exactly hidden anymore. Unable or unwilling- he’s not sure- to have a conversation he instead supplies a memory.

To say Eli is disgusted and upset by the images of him being pinned down to a table and tattooed against his will is an understatement. Tretij only shrugs at that. It had been a priority to brand him when he’d been brought in and sedatives hadn’t been supplied yet, meaning he got to be held down like a wild animal and jabbed hundreds of times for what he considered no good reason. He’d been amazed the tattoos had healed at all considering they’d been done on relatively fresh burn wounds, though they’d gotten infected more than once and had to be touched up as his skin began to scar.

It would forever be a reminder that he belong to them, was nothing more than some freak tool for their own personal gain, all he was good for-

“That’s not true.” Eli busied himself with washing glass from his hair, though the grimace remained staunchly in place, “You don’t belong to them. You don’t belong to anybody. You’re your own person and you decide your own fate.”

He chose to only hum in response, enjoying the fingers against his scalp and not wanting to think too hard about the implications of what had been shared and said, if he’d been more mentally stable he wouldn’t have let any of it happen but there was nothing to be done about it now. 

\---

At some point he’d been dried off and left to stand in front of the bathroom mirror, Eli gone to do something briefly, he didn’t remember. Well, he didn’t even recall him saying anything at all. He’d probably missed a lot of what had been stated but he honestly couldn’t be bothered to keep his mind tied down to reality, too enthralled with letting his panic attack pull him from the pain and fear and misery he felt in the flitting moments he actually paid any mind. 

He’d been tracing the crack of the mirror with his eyes when Eli popped back into the bathroom, “Here-” He put some clothes and his mask down on the blood-smeared counter, “I figured a baggy shirt would be best for now, give your wounds some room to breath. We need to keep up with them,” He was going to add on that it’d probably be harder what with them having to be on the run again but decided now wasn’t the best time to bring up them having to leave. 

“And before you start fussing about it, no, I don’t care about them.” 

Tretij looked at Eli through his reflection in the steamy glass, _”About what?”_ He suddenly missed when the roles had been reversed and he’d been the one in the doorway. To think he’d been anxious about that, not knowing what would happen later.

Eli straightened the hem of his own shirt and came to lean against the counter beside him, his mind busy with many thoughts, “Your cuts, your scars, the tattoos, any of it.” It was said pointedly, emphasizing on how he didn’t call the tattoos _his_.

He didn’t have the heart or mental capacity to argue at the moment, saddened when he remembered just how much Eli had seen as his anxiety began to ebb away and leave him raw and hurting both physically and mentally. 

“It’s not your fault. I shouldn’t have gotten so cocky, none of that would’ve happened if I had listened to you.” It was probably as close as he’d get to admitting blame or apologizing.

_”It is fine.”_

For a while it was left at that, Tretij busy regaining his composure and letting his eyes wander over each new mark on his already flawed and damaged body. Neither of them chose to comment on how afraid or shook up they were, and they certainly ignored the odd feelings and dotting from Eli. 

\---

Sitting in bed, arms wrapped protectively around Tretij who buried his mask against Eli’s throat, they didn’t say much. For once Eli didn’t seem totally put off by this and Tretij didn’t have the energy to let himself feel weak for needing the comfort. Now and then Eli complained about how clunky and uncomfortable the mask must be or about how his hair was cold on his skin. Otherwise they found peace in each other and clung desperately to the slow wax and wane of calm from one another’s mind, both making an attempt to soothe the other even if it was unpracticed and a bit cumbersome. 

“You need a code name.” Eli’s voice was gravelly with sleep and Tretij relished in the vibrations despite his confusion at the proposition. 

_”Why?”_

“It has to happen sooner or later, you may as well start thinking about one now, we probably shouldn’t be referring to you publicly by anything identifiable by them.”

He gave a small nod and reassured that he would give it some thought but for now he was far too exhausted and sore. Sleep was dreamless and offered little restful feelings.

\---

“They’re all dead.”

“Good. They’ve gotten the message then. In due time they will pass through.”

“Are you sure?” Her eyes flitted to him sharply, displeased at being questioned. 

“Positive. But do not forget your place in this plan. You are to bring him to me once you’ve sufficiently gotten his attention, unharmed. I do not care what happens to the other one.”

\---

Having already given their goodbyes and thanks, Eli didn’t think there was much else left to do other than simply leave. He’d spent a good hour cleaning up the awful mess they’d left in the bathroom and packing their things. But of course, things could never be that easy. Upon coming back with their bags- now having a backpack gifted to them by their kind hosts- Eli realized Tretij was nowhere to be found. He’d looked the whole cottage over, the main farm house, all of the fields, his favorite trees, the storage sheds, everywhere he could think of including the barn. 

He’d been growing impatient when he finally caught the smallest inkling of Tretij’s mind his second time through the barn, annoyed that the other was actively hiding from him. It wasn’t until he heard shuffling above him that he realized he’d never checked the hayloft. And sure enough, Tretij was tucked up in the hayloft with several of his favorite chickens, one of which squawked angrily at the intrusion. Crime, of course. 

“What are you even doing up here? We have to get going.”

Tretij only shook his head no and hugged a small rooster dubbed ‘Cornbread’ closer to himself.

“Okay look, I know you hate walking, but we can’t stay here. I need to figure out where we’re going to go.”

When Tretij peeked up from his bird his eyes were watery and sad, _”Don’t want to go..”_

Eli sighed and climbed the rest of the way up the ladder, shooing a few chickens out of his way so he could settle into the hay too, “I know. I don’t want to either, but we have to.”

Tretij only shook his head again, hiding his tears behind the rooster which chuffed quietly.

“We don’t have much choice, it won’t be forever.”

_”But chickens… Asteria. The cows, Eli, they will miss me.”_

“And I’m sure they will, but we can’t risk staying here. Someone is after us- you specifically. You’re in danger staying here.”

_”I will just hide here. You can go be safe, do not worry about me.”_

Eli huffed and flicked a piece of hay from his shirt, “I’m not leaving you here. We’ll find somewhere else nice to stay.”

Admittedly he was sad to go as well, this was as close as either of them had been to having a relatively normal life and had they been given more time perhaps the boundaries of whatever they had together would have grown a little more. Last night had been so frightening that Eli found himself unable to even remotely find any kind of shy enjoyment at the intimacy they had shared for now. It made him feel guilty.

_”You will be in danger staying with me.”_ It was peculiar how even in the strange mental communication Eli could tell his voice was wavering, unsure and scared.

“I don’t mind,” He gave him a light pat on the shin to get his attention, “It will be okay.”

Tretij reluctantly let Cornbread down and met the other’s gaze, finding an ounce of comfort in the determined yet soft look, _”Promise?”_

Eli nodded and moved forwards, taking his hands in his own, “I promise. Now c’mon, we gotta get going. Let’s tell the animals bye.”

\---

Thankfully the weather was a bit warmer, if not muggy, fog and dew clinging to their clothes as they walked aimlessly down an unknown dirt road. While Eli’s mind was predominantly caught up in planning as usual, Tretij found it hard to keep his own thoughts in line. They were scattered and confusing, sharpened by his dread and guilt. It seemed as though everywhere he went he only caused death, Eli said it was self defense but he couldn’t help from thinking that things could have gone differently if he’d only been better at using his abilities. 

It was hard to focus on anything when Eli was in danger, minds too closely intertwined now for him to not lash out at the slightest threat, let alone how many guns had been waved in his face recently. The fact that he’d almost taken his own life with one many months ago had traumatized Tretij, he feared even the idea of guns because of it, though Eli never really thought about that time on the island. He’d seemed to shed the memories of Africa when he promised not to use him or be cruel to him like others had done. Which he supposed was fine, but that did not mean he didn’t fear for him or want to keep him safe.

Not to mention how close they’d gotten. He didn’t think Eli quite realized the implications of what he was doing. Perhaps it would’ve been fine if they were normal, if Tretij was normal, but his mind required him to latch onto someone. It would have been more reasonable and much safer to keep a bit of distance, something Skull Face had understood, but neither had taken that into consideration recently. 

Tretij thought about bringing it up a few times, mostly when Eli was willing to be softer around him, opening up his mind to him. But the gentle and yearning touches were enough to have him shut up and indulge in feeling wanted for once. It was dangerous to allow himself to think he was anything more than a puppet, even though he knew Eli didn’t feel that way, but he worried that in the end it would only hurt him more in the future. Nobody had cared so deeply and honestly for him, he wasn’t even sure why Eli did, the feelings were too new and confusing to pick apart and understand fully. 

Something told him he wasn’t worth the trouble, destruction following his footsteps no matter where he went or how far along he’d come since that first day when he took lives that weren’t his to destroy. Innocent people had been ripped away from this life because of him.

His mind was warped though, Volgin especially had left a permanent scar in his mind that made it hard to understand the morals associated with taking lives, made it hard to determine if he truly felt sorry for ending them or not. Part of him wished Eli would just scream at him for it so he felt worse, _knew_ that it was wrong instead of doubting it. But Eli’s moral compass wasn’t much better, that was a lost cause and he figured he’d have to learn to cope with it on his own for as much as the other tried to comfort him. 

“Do you need to take a break?” Eli was a few yards ahead of him, stopped in the middle of the path and face illuminated with an odd patchwork of light breaking through the canopy.

His wounds did hurt and the humidity felt sticky and gross on his skin. They found a relatively dry log to sit on, Eli looking through the rations they’d been given and muttering about several things that he found boring. Instead he pulled his sketchbook from the small bag he carried on his person (Eli insisted on taking the majority of the heavier stuff) and flipped to a clean page where he doodled random wildflowers and ferns he didn’t know the names of, trying to keep his mind from wandering too far.

\---

That night they sheltered in a rundown little tavern, the owner feeling pity for two homeless children and offering them breakfast in the morning. It was a relief for them both, neither wanting to go back to how things were months ago when they’d sleep in abandoned buildings or outside under the poor sheltering of trees.

Sleep came surprisingly easy for Tretij, mind and body still burnt out and yearning for rest and healing. When he was woken up by Eli shuffling out from under the covers to sit on the edge of the bed he figured it had barely been an hour, maybe he’d been unable to sleep. 

He would’ve left him to tire himself out or do whatever it was he had intended to do were it not for the trickling of sorrow seeping into his tired mind, their connection purposefully held taunt and guarded on Eli’s end. Laying quietly he waited, not sure if he knew he was awake or if he should do something. 

It’d been a few minutes of watching Eli’s back, figure bent over and head propped up on his palms in what was a surprisingly vulnerable seeming stature for someone typically so stoic before his shoulders began to shake ever so slightly. The sobs were purposefully held back and shushed in the daunting quiet of the room, obviously trying not to wake Tretij. 

Startled by seeing him of all people cry, he blinked warily in the darkness and held deathly still, unsure of what to do as he watched Eli’s composure falter. He pressed his palms into his eyes as if it’d keep the tears from falling, sparks of anger at himself prominent amongst the fragile sadness. 

Sure, he himself had cried many times, that wasn’t unusual. But it was _him_ who always cried, never Eli. He tried so hard to uphold this grand vision of himself as unshakable, unmovable, a man despite his young age and mature enough to handle the world on his own. Now, watching him delve into a deep repressed sadness and fight back tears Tretij realized for the first time with an awful sinking feeling that Eli was still just a kid. They were both just kids. 

Tretij sat up slowly, afraid that if Eli knew he’d been caught showing weakness that he’d snap at him. Instead he went ignored, his mind said he knew the other was awake but he chose to ignore it, still struggling to regain his calm and pushing a little too hard at his eyes which betrayed him. 

Situating himself so he could lean against his side he looked at the wall, waiting for Eli to tell him to go away or fuck off. He only sniffled and gave a poor attempt at a laugh, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up.”

_”It is okay.”_

With that Eli broke down, hiding his face in his hands but not attempting to stifle his sobs any longer, replying with a broken “yeah” and leaning into the arm that snaked gingerly around his side. 

Tretij didn’t have to pry into his mind, it was open enough now that the emotions flowed freely between them. It was just too much for Eli, too much stress, too much worry, too much pain. The composure he kept up was more of a mask that Tretij had originally believed, startled to find Eli’s thoughts dipping into disheartening territory as he let him pick apart his feelings so he didn’t have to bring them up. 

_”Do you really want to die?”_

“I don’t know.” It's hard to understand him through the weeping but the emotions got across simply enough, a feeling that he himself had felt on some of his worst nights. Not necessarily wanting to take one's life but not wanting to exist anymore, desperate to escape the bitter realities of the world. Maybe the desire to disappear entirely and be forgotten.

Some of the things he thought were hard to understand, Tretij didn’t quite understand why Eli felt like his life wasn’t his own or why he felt responsible for all the griefs Tretij had gone through including his time back in the lab before they had even met. 

There was a deep longing in him, a desire to have a normal life, to have been able to grow up as others did and enjoy his youth. Tretij was touched to find that Eli wished he could have grown up with him and they could have been companions for many years by now, but at the same time it made his own eyes become blurred by tears. Maybe that was the influence in their connection or maybe it was just seeing Eli so sad and vulnerable and scared, either way he pushed it all down in favor of pulling Eli into a hug. He let him sob into the crook of his neck, feeling the way his chest rattled with the effort of his tears and frowning at his hitching breaths. 

It was unnerving, but also made him feel guilty. The only reason he felt frightened by the change in his demeanor was because he’d been using him as a crutch this whole time and never expected Eli to hurt so deeply or similarly to himself. He should’ve checked in with him, should have made sure he was okay, should have realized that the shit they had gone through would have been a lot for anybody let alone another kid. 

“Don’t blame yourself stupid, je suis désolé,” He pulled Tretij closer, embracing him tightly and holding back a whimper, “s'il te plait pardonne-moi.”

Knowing he intentionally didn’t want him to understand what he had said he didn’t question it, just returned the affection and shushed him, _”We will figure it out, together, I promise too.”_


End file.
